Sleeping with your flatmate- now what do I do?

Just for the record the number one rule at Uni is: empower yourself by becoming articulate, competent, and learning to think.

Honestly, kinda sounds as though he used you for sex.

Evidently he wishes to continue sowing his wild oats and finds monogamy (somewhat predictably) unappetising at this juncture of his very early adulthood. Thus, if you're unable to compartmentalise your burgeoning yet clearly unrequited emotional attachment for the sake of platonic sexual companionship—and it sounds as though you aren't—then I would recommend that you likewise explore other avenues, or else, at the very least, stop sleeping with him.



Honestly, it doesn't sound like that at all.

He had sex with her, and said that he wanted to be with other girls. Sounds like it to me.

Your statement in no way vindicates an accusation of his having 'used' her. Once she had laid her cards on the table vis-à-vis an exclusive commitment, it seems that he was then quite forthcoming to the opposite effect; or else she wouldn't now be in the position of seeking our advice.

Now of course, were he of my own age and experience in such matters then, certainly, he should have anticipated this turn of events and levelled with her beforehand; but he isn't: he's eighteen.

Modern feminism is as much about letting women take ownership of their mistakes as it is concerned with redressing the imbalances of the existing hegemonic power-structure. Rather than convince the OP that she is a helpless ingénue who has fallen prey to the licentious scoundrel archetype in a 1940s soap-opera, perhaps instead consider offering actionable advice relevant to the 21st century.

is that a character from professor layton in your pfp?

Evidently he wishes to continue sowing his wild oats and finds monogamy (somewhat predictably) unappetising at this juncture of his very early adulthood. Thus, if you're unable to compartmentalise your burgeoning yet clearly unrequited emotional attachment for the sake of platonic sexual companionship—and it sounds as though you aren't—then I would recommend that you likewise explore other avenues, or else, at the very least, stop sleeping with him.



Honestly, it doesn't sound like that at all.

Your statement in no way vindicates an accusation of his having 'used' her. Once she had laid her cards on the table vis-à-vis an exclusive commitment, it seems that he was then quite forthcoming to the opposite effect; or else she wouldn't now be in the position of seeking our advice.

Now of course, were he of my own age and experience in such matters then, certainly, he should have anticipated this turn of events and levelled with her beforehand; but he isn't: he's eighteen.

Modern feminism is as much about letting women take ownership of their mistakes as it is concerned with redressing the imbalances of the existing hegemonic power-structure. Rather than convince the OP that she is a helpless ingénue who has fallen prey to the licentious scoundrel archetype in a 1940s soap-opera, perhaps instead consider offering actionable advice relevant to the 21st century.

Before I begin, let me make it clear that I am very much aware of the number one rule at uni - don’t get with your flatmate.

As soon as I moved into my halls, I knew I liked one of the guys that I was living with, (we even pulled a couple times within the first week). During freshers week, we became so much closer to each other and ended up becoming really good friends, but nothing more happened. I was aware that he was beginning to maybe start to like me more the friends from what people in the flat had told me and from what he even told me, saying that he really fancied me, but I didn’t let on.

We had several nights and days together where we just doing everything together, like staying up late talking or going for drinks together. We even used to go out on nights out together, but because we were just friends used to pull other people all the time.

At some point during our third or forth week our flat were on a night out and we all had a bit to drink. Everyone kinda got separated so it ended up just myself and this guy in the club, we were sat together in the taxi, and he held my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. We kissed, then went back to his room and basically, we broke the ultimate rule and slept together.

Now, things are not awkward AT ALL between us, and we’ve done other stuff since and no doubt (even if we say it’s not going too) it will probably happen again, but I genuinely really like this guy.

I’ve told him how I feel, I told him that I do really like him and how I understand that he doesn’t want a relationship and he replied with I really do like you and feel the same way but it’s uni and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he wants to be with other girls, I understand this but i don’t want to be used as 'friend with benefits'. I genuinely think he might like me and he just doesn’t want a relationship during uni. But when/if he does get with other girls it’s going to hurt me so much.

Anyone got any advice please help!!