My parents are both cheating on each other

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
So I recently found out my dad is cheating on my mum because of him leaving his phone lying around & me seeing the texts pop up on his lock screen. I know cheating is wrong and was determined to tell my mum however I then found out only a couple of days later that my mum is also cheating!! I literally cant believe it; my parents really seem like they were happy in their relationship.. there were never any obvious arguments or anything so idk. I found my mum is cheating because one day I came home early from college w/o telling my mum and came into the house only to find my mum and her work colleague cuddling on the sofa.. as soon as they saw me they jumped apart. I know this might not be enough to say they’re cheating but I recognised his car as the one that drops my mum home from work and the same car she goes in when she’s going for a ‘girls night out’. Idk what to think... I don’t want to mess up anything but ik that this is wrong and can’t keep happening . Should I tell both of them ik what’s going on ..?
I wouldn’t feel this strongly about doing something but i have a little brother and I don’t want this to ruin the family dynamic or rip our family apart for my brothers sake.. even tho ik this has probably already happened.
What do I do? Seriously I can’t sleep and the stress is killing me (
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robotico2014
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I recently found out my dad is cheating on my mum because of him leaving his phone lying around & me seeing the texts pop up on his lock screen. I know cheating is wrong and was determined to tell my mum however I then found out only a couple of days later that my mum is also cheating!! I literally cant believe it; my parents really seem like they were happy in their relationship.. there were never any obvious arguments or anything so idk. I found my mum is cheating because one day I came home early from college w/o telling my mum and came into the house only to find my mum and her work colleague cuddling on the sofa.. as soon as they saw me they jumped apart. I know this might not be enough to say they’re cheating but I recognised his car as the one that drops my mum home from work and the same car she goes in when she’s going for a ‘girls night out’. Idk what to think... I don’t want to mess up anything but ik that this is wrong and can’t keep happening . Should I tell both of them ik what’s going on ..?
I wouldn’t feel this strongly about doing something but i have a little brother and I don’t want this to ruin the family dynamic or rip our family apart for my brothers sake.. even tho ik this has probably already happened.
What do I do? Seriously I can’t sleep and the stress is killing me (
Well, it is bound to happen anyway, whether you tell them or not. So you can suck up to it and let things take their course or you can intervene. That is all up to you. Or maybe is that they have a mutual agreement where they can see someone else and only stay superficially married just for the sake of you two.
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Anonymous #1
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Anyone pls (
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user73867
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This is a really sad situation.

I would have a chat with each of your parents without revealing the other's infidelity.

I would take a pretty harsh line and demand each of them stop being so selfish, particularly for your little brother's sake.


SS
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by robotico2014)
Well, it is bound to happen anyway, whether you tell them or not. So you can suck up to it and let things take their course or you can intervene. That is all up to you. Or maybe is that they have a mutual agreement where they can see someone else and only stay superficially married just for the sake of you two.
I was thinking that might be the case but I just feel like it’s wrong if it isn’t. I should at least tell them ik and maybe they’ll get a wake up call and stop for the sake of my brother mainly
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Anonymous #2
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Same my mum has a boyfriend but my dad doesnt know - he's abusive so i have no sympathy for him - hopefully they can divorce when my mum is ready financially etc

i feel for you :hugs: i dont have much advice but thinking of you :hugs:
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robotico2014
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was thinking that might be the case but I just feel like it’s wrong if it isn’t. I should at least tell them ik and maybe they’ll get a wake up call and stop for the sake of my brother mainly
I am just really sorry to hear what you are going through! Again, if you feel that is the right thing to do, then do it. You know your parents better enough, so give it a shot.
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Anonymous #3
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Maybe they're in an open relationship, who knows? Just pretend you know nothing anyway, it's easier that way.
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ForeverAQx
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I recently found out my dad is cheating on my mum because of him leaving his phone lying around & me seeing the texts pop up on his lock screen. I know cheating is wrong and was determined to tell my mum however I then found out only a couple of days later that my mum is also cheating!! I literally cant believe it; my parents really seem like they were happy in their relationship.. there were never any obvious arguments or anything so idk. I found my mum is cheating because one day I came home early from college w/o telling my mum and came into the house only to find my mum and her work colleague cuddling on the sofa.. as soon as they saw me they jumped apart. I know this might not be enough to say they’re cheating but I recognised his car as the one that drops my mum home from work and the same car she goes in when she’s going for a ‘girls night out’. Idk what to think... I don’t want to mess up anything but ik that this is wrong and can’t keep happening . Should I tell both of them ik what’s going on ..?
I wouldn’t feel this strongly about doing something but i have a little brother and I don’t want this to ruin the family dynamic or rip our family apart for my brothers sake.. even tho ik this has probably already happened.
What do I do? Seriously I can’t sleep and the stress is killing me (
I'm sorry you're in this situation, especially when It's both your parents. You have two main ways to deal with this. One being not mentioning it and just living like as per normal, letting things roll. Or the other is intervening. I suggest you speak to your parents indivually before any sort of confrontation of the both of them. Especially if you got a brother, it may be a wake up call to stop or even keep it under wraps for the sake of you guys or find some sort of solution.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Supersaps)
This is a really sad situation.

I would have a chat with each of your parents without revealing the other's infidelity.

I would take a pretty harsh line and demand each of them stop being so selfish, particularly for your little brother's sake.


SS
I’m just so upset I never dreamed this would ever happen. I know i need to talk to them about it but it’s gonna be really difficult
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abdelismail31
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blackmail them for some of that £££
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ANM775
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The answer is obvious really




Spoiler:
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Tell them they should all have a 4some
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Anonymous #1
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I k
(Original post by Anonymous)
Same my mum has a boyfriend but my dad doesnt know - he's abusive so i have no sympathy for him - hopefully they can divorce when my mum is ready financially etc

i feel for you :hugs: i dont have much advice but thinking of you :hugs:
Aw thanks & im hoping everything gets better with your mum too
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Bang Outta Order
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how old are you? if you're over 18 then honestly just move on, because you dont need to live with them anymore and their actions no longer affect you.
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harry.styles
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Hello,

First of all I'd like to extend my sympathies to you for such a terrible situation that sounds very stressful indeed.

From your post it seems obvious that things probably cannot carry on as they are. It can be tempting to think that bearing the burden of your parents secrets is 'for the best' but this is certainly not the case if it is affecting you as much as you state. It is quite difficult to provide good advice from an outside perspective, but what is for sure is that you shouldn't be thinking through/handing this on your own. If you don't feel you can talk to your parents about it, finding a councilor or seeing your GP (who may be able to refer you to a councilor) could be extremely useful for ordering your thoughts, and maybe coming up with a bit of a plan of action as to how best to deal with the situation. You sound like a thoughtful individual so doing this, rather than rushing to confront your parents, may be a better way forward for you. If you do decide to talk to your parents, perhaps do so individually, as calmly as you can (may be tricky!) and be clear about your own feelings on the situation.

Ultimately, it is also important to acknowledge that it is your parents that have created this situation. Cheating is wrong. It can cause a great deal of complication and suffering. Of course you should do your best in this terrible situation but, regardless of the outcome, no problems or difficulties that may arise are your fault.

I hope that helps a bit. Seek help & feel free to PM if you want to talk further.
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cosmic angel
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First of all I just want to give you a virtual hug and say sorry and that I know how you feel. I was in almost the same situation you are in now, starting from when I was around 9. My parents had fighting/ screaming matches and my mum used me as her private counselor. When it first started I was scared, anxious, and stressed because everything was changing so fast and I was worried over what was going to happen. I also had a younger brother who I wanted to protect. I was in a bad place that lasted for years.

I am going to tell you what I wish someone had told me. Look after yourself. Don't stress or worry about what your parents are doing, even if they want to mess up their marriage and their lives, let them. They are to blame for their own actions and nobody should have to suffer the consequences of their actions but them. Try to live as normal a life as possible, sleep regularly, eat healthy, develop hobbies, hang out with friends. If you are feeling stressed you could write things down in a journal, listen to positive affirmations, or possibly ring up Samaritans - do whatever it takes to minimize the stress in your life, because stress is really harmful to your health, not just your mental health, but your physical health too. If your parents were good parents, they would want for you to live well too.

But the bottom line is, try not to care. What they do really isn't worth caring about - what you do with your own life matters a lot more and is worthier of your attention. You're younger than they are, you have far more potential: more friends to be made, a greater possibility of disciplines to specialize in, a greater variety of hobbies to develop to become good at, and there is a greater impact you could make on the world. Your parents are ageing and what they can do with their lives is limited. Don't let your parents' behaviour take away your peace of mind and your potential. Don't give them that power over you. Of course, this requires you to become independent, and to grow up quicker than you might have liked.

My advice is to stay close to your brother so he at least has you, and if he were ever to become aware of the situation, to teach him by example how not to care. Just have fun together and ignore what your parents are doing. That's what my two younger brothers did - they'd play games in their room even though my parents had their screaming matches in the living room - and they seemed to with the situation a lot better than I did. Also message me if you want anything. Take care and don't worry - it gets better, the trick is to manage the situation well by looking after yourself until it does.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
how old are you? if you're over 18 then honestly just move on, because you dont need to live with them anymore and their actions no longer affect you.
I’m 17 in my second year of college planning on taking a gap year next year and staying at home so..
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Myriam18
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Even if you tell them it won't make things better, don't expect they apologise to each other and continue on. Stay out of it and take good care of your brother whatever your parent decide to do later on stay beside your little brother he will need your support
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Tootles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I recently found out my dad is cheating on my mum because of him leaving his phone lying around & me seeing the texts pop up on his lock screen. I know cheating is wrong and was determined to tell my mum however I then found out only a couple of days later that my mum is also cheating!! I literally cant believe it; my parents really seem like they were happy in their relationship.. there were never any obvious arguments or anything so idk. I found my mum is cheating because one day I came home early from college w/o telling my mum and came into the house only to find my mum and her work colleague cuddling on the sofa.. as soon as they saw me they jumped apart. I know this might not be enough to say they’re cheating but I recognised his car as the one that drops my mum home from work and the same car she goes in when she’s going for a ‘girls night out’. Idk what to think... I don’t want to mess up anything but ik that this is wrong and can’t keep happening . Should I tell both of them ik what’s going on ..?
I wouldn’t feel this strongly about doing something but i have a little brother and I don’t want this to ruin the family dynamic or rip our family apart for my brothers sake.. even tho ik this has probably already happened.
What do I do? Seriously I can’t sleep and the stress is killing me (
They could be polyamorous, for all you know - seeing other people, both knowing about it. This seems likely given both your parents are doing it. Probably they just didn'y want you to know about it.
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I recently found out my dad is cheating on my mum because of him leaving his phone lying around & me seeing the texts pop up on his lock screen. I know cheating is wrong and was determined to tell my mum however I then found out only a couple of days later that my mum is also cheating!! I literally cant believe it; my parents really seem like they were happy in their relationship.. there were never any obvious arguments or anything so idk. I found my mum is cheating because one day I came home early from college w/o telling my mum and came into the house only to find my mum and her work colleague cuddling on the sofa.. as soon as they saw me they jumped apart. I know this might not be enough to say they’re cheating but I recognised his car as the one that drops my mum home from work and the same car she goes in when she’s going for a ‘girls night out’. Idk what to think... I don’t want to mess up anything but ik that this is wrong and can’t keep happening . Should I tell both of them ik what’s going on ..?
I wouldn’t feel this strongly about doing something but i have a little brother and I don’t want this to ruin the family dynamic or rip our family apart for my brothers sake.. even tho ik this has probably already happened.
What do I do? Seriously I can’t sleep and the stress is killing me (
tell both of them you know and make big dolla!
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