The Student Room Group
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>

How do I message my bf telling him he needs to put more effort into our relationship

My bf and I are coming up to 2 months and recently we had an argument which caused us to stop talking for a couple of weeks. We’re all good now but he’s only messaged me once starting the conversation and it didn’t go down well where as he used to daily and i want to let him know how I’m feeling and that he needs to put more of an effort in and make me know that he’s not cheating or is still interested in me but I feel like if I don’t do it right then we’ll end up fighting cause he’ll think im trying to start a fight when I’m not I just want him to know that he needs to change a little bit to get our relationship back to where we were

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
Avatar for blue900
blue900
13
I see your point of view but you cannot change a person but you could talk to him in a very nice way and tell him why you are telling him this.

If he doesn't want to listen then you will have to accept him for who he is.
Reply 2
Avatar for Beccasealey
Beccasealey
OP
5
Yea ig ik he can make more of an effort tho since he used to but idk why he is now like he was the one begging me to not leave him when I said that if he doesn’t wanna fix things then I won’t try. But idk how to message him saying you gotta make an effort without starting an argument
Welll girl,

You just play hard to get and don't put effort in either. If he's bored or if he's not interested then it shows he doesn't really want the relationship, so don't waste your time and effort on someone who isn't going to put the same amount of effort in for you. So try and stop texting him and see what he does, If he really wants to be with you he will text to ask whether you're okay but if he doesn't then just don't keep bugging him. He'll get irritated and he'll start to resent you, just remember you're a queen and you deserve to be treated with love, kindness and respect. Just take note that there are a gazillion other guys out there who are better than him:smile: You got this!

Hugs from,
London
One reason why relationship don’t work out is the lack of communication. You need to talk to him about this because it’s obvs not making you happy, if this carries on and you don’t let him know , you will soon get tired of the relationship
Reply 5
Avatar for Beccasealey
Beccasealey
OP
5
@Sharemine Yea ik but idk how exactly to tell him without him feeling like I’m trying to fight him I just want him to know how I feel
I'd just bring it up lightly in all honesty. He might be a tad hessitent to start something since you've argued recently, or it might just be a bit of fallout from the argument, maybe he's not quite sure where he stands with you and thinks you might snap again.

The title of the thread certainly isn't going to be the right way to go about it. He isn't putting enough effort in because he isn't texting you a lot, and now you're worried he might be cheating or is looking for someone else? Sounds like you might have some problems of your own to sort out as well, you sound a tad insecure.

The best way to go about it is to just ask him why he doesn't text as much as he used to, that's probably the best way to bring this up without it looking like the foundations of an argument. If you stop texting him, as another user suggested, that could send the wrong message, the exact same message you're getting now in fact...
Original post by Beccasealey
@Sharemine Yea ik but idk how exactly to tell him without him feeling like I’m trying to fight him I just want him to know how I feel

Well , before you do inform him, firstly you need to check your self , like are you putting any efforts in because people tend to receive same energy they give out.
When it comes to talking to him, keep it calm and don’t do it my text , tell him how you feel and always re -ensure him that you don’t want it to be a problem. ( if you have to talk by text don’t forget emojis)
Tbh if a guy is really feeling you , he will put is 101% into the relationship. However not being pessimistic, it might just because he hasn’t noticed. :smile:
Reply 8
Avatar for Beccasealey
Beccasealey
OP
5
Original post by TheMcSame
I'd just bring it up lightly in all honesty. He might be a tad hessitent to start something since you've argued recently, or it might just be a bit of fallout from the argument, maybe he's not quite sure where he stands with you and thinks you might snap again.

The title of the thread certainly isn't going to be the right way to go about it. He isn't putting enough effort in because he isn't texting you a lot, and now you're worried he might be cheating or is looking for someone else? Sounds like you might have some problems of your own to sort out as well, you sound a tad insecure.

The best way to go about it is to just ask him why he doesn't text as much as he used to, that's probably the best way to bring this up without it looking like the foundations of an argument. If you stop texting him, as another user suggested, that could send the wrong message, the exact same message you're getting now in fact...


Idk if I should start a normal conversation and then halfway through ask him or just be strait up and ask why and how exactly I say it cause I don’t want to cause a bigger problem I want him to realise that he isn’t trying and it’s making me feel bad about myself and questioning myself in the relationship
so you guys have only been going out 2 months and he already stopped talking to you for a couple of weeks? honestly that shouldn't happen. The start of any relationship is meant to be the honeymoon phase. I would ask him straight up if he still wants to be in this relationship because if not then don't waste your time! I'm 23 and been in 2 serious relationships before the one i'm in now and let me give you the realest advice - whenever you meet 'the one' it should be EASY!!! it shouldn't be hard work and there shouldn't be any negativity, you shouldn't worry if he's cheating or not interested, he should want to talk to you all the time and you should both be smitten with each other.

don't wait around for him to give you attention or effort, life's too short
Original post by maddiesmith
so you guys have only been going out 2 months and he already stopped talking to you for a couple of weeks? honestly that shouldn't happen. The start of any relationship is meant to be the honeymoon phase. I would ask him straight up if he still wants to be in this relationship because if not then don't waste your time! I'm 23 and been in 2 serious relationships before the one i'm in now and let me give you the realest advice - whenever you meet 'the one' it should be EASY!!! it shouldn't be hard work and there shouldn't be any negativity, you shouldn't worry if he's cheating or not interested, he should want to talk to you all the time and you should both be smitten with each other.

don't wait around for him to give you attention or effort, life's too short


We didn’t talk for two weeks cause he couldn’t handle the fact other guys were talking to me and before we were the best but now idk how to explain it we feel good at one point and others it feels ****
If you want to spend more time with him, have you tried learning how to play FIFA?
An argument at two months big enough for a two week break.... thats not a good sign
Original post by Melancholy
If you want to spend more time with him, have you tried learning how to play FIFA?


Ahaha
Original post by Melancholy
If you want to spend more time with him, have you tried learning how to play FIFA?


Ahaha no but he’s only been over to my house twice and he cancelled last minute three times when we were going to hang out so I honestly don’t think we’ll hang out anytime soon but if he likes it and wanted to play with me then I would
Original post by Anonymous
An argument at two months big enough for a two week break.... thats not a good sign


He got sick one week so I left him but he needed space becuase he couldn’t handle other guys messaging me it was making him insecure about the relationship which isn’t what I wanted to happen
Original post by Beccasealey
He got sick one week so I left him but he needed space becuase he couldn’t handle other guys messaging me it was making him insecure about the relationship which isn’t what I wanted to happen


Well I hope you havent blocked the boys who were messaging you/stopped talking to them just because he’s “insecure”. If he’s made you do that then just throw the whole boy out
Original post by Anonymous
Well I hope you havent blocked the boys who were messaging you/stopped talking to them just because he’s “insecure”. If he’s made you do that then just throw the whole boy out


Some I did but not because of him but they were constantly harassing me asking for nudes and stuff when I had told them I had a bf and every guy that messaged me was off the dating app we met on and I would always be strait up and tell them I have a bf and I didn’t know any of them on a personal level so I blocked only like half cause they were f boys
Lol why is it always the boyfriend that has to put more effort in, why should he, after all you’re just another paranoid girlfriend who thinks at all times that she’s being cheated on, and then you’ve got the audacity to say he should be reassuring YOU that he’s not cheating, this relationship won’t work tbh, trust should’ve been built by now.
Original post by Oneiropólos
Lol why is it always the boyfriend that has to put more effort in, why should he, after all you’re just another paranoid girlfriend who thinks at all times that she’s being cheated on, and then you’ve got the audacity to say he should be reassuring YOU that he’s not cheating, this relationship won’t work tbh, trust should’ve been built by now.


He hasn’t messaged me once in two weeks first and when we do talk it’ll be me and his reply to anything I say is always true and I don’t always think that I’m being cheated on but when he goes from messaging me 24/7 to never and if we do I’m starting the conversation plus leave me on read constantly it makes me question why it’s happening and what’s going on becuase obviously somethings wrong and he’s not telling me but idk how to ask him without him thinking i want to argue
Original post by Oneiropólos
Lol why is it always the boyfriend that has to put more effort in, why should he, after all you’re just another paranoid girlfriend who thinks at all times that she’s being cheated on, and then you’ve got the audacity to say he should be reassuring YOU that he’s not cheating, this relationship won’t work tbh, trust should’ve been built by now.


They both seem to think they’re cheating on eachother by the sounds of it. And at only two months.
I thoroughly agree with you, there’s no trust here

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you