My Boyfriend's mum doesn't think we belong...

So my boyfriend's parents live like 2 hours away from me and him (we don't live together) so we only go and see them every so often and we will stay at their house. I have met both his mum and dad like 4 times, and we went down to see them this weekend and we went to some festival and had a great time with him and his parents; but after on Sunday when we were going, his mum called him and they spoke while I was upstairs packing and when we were on the drive back my boyfriend seemed really upset so I asked him what was wrong and he said that his mum told him me and him don’t suit because I’m to “quite” bare in mind I have anxiety so its hard to talk to them due to me not knowing what to talk about etc. So he told her to **** off before we left.

When we got home he rang her and asked why she said that and she said it was because I don’t help out in the house, I don’t go university, I don’t have a job currently and that it seems like me and my boyfriend aren’t happy.

I feel like confronting her because of I'm really annoyed about what she said. I mean me and my boyfriend are happy, I don’t help out in the house as its massive and I don’t want to break anything and I don’t know where anything is and I don’t have a job currently because of I'm at college.

I don’t know what to do because shes annoyed my mum and me and I feel like saying something to her as she's coming down next week. (p.s. shes really posh, if that helps too)

Ehhh- I was expecting her to say something genuine based on some sort of personality mismatch.

It appears there is less of an issue between you and your boyfriend and more between you and his mum. The likelihood is that her issue is more to do with class, money and other more superficial aspects. I assume she looks down on you for not having a job and Uni education ( I am assuming you are old enough to go Uni but are instead still at college doing A-levels/BTEC--> Correct me if I am wrong).

Confront her innit. Phish out what the real issue is.

That sucks. I understand the whole ‘quiet’ thing myself. It seems that because she’s ‘posh’ she’s kind of looking down of you - you don’t need to go to university or anything to do good in life!

Your boyfriend seems nice that he stood up for you against his mum, he seems like a fighter. You could maybe tell your boyfriend about your anxiety so he could tell his mum? I hope you sort it out x

That sucks. I understand the whole ‘quiet’ thing myself. It seems that because she’s ‘posh’ she’s kind of looking down of you - you don’t need to go to university or anything to do good in life!

Your boyfriend seems nice that he stood up for you against his mum, he seems like a fighter. You could maybe tell your boyfriend about your anxiety so he could tell his mum? I hope you sort it out x

Yeah im happy he did tell her to **** off, she did say that it would be nice if I do go uni because then me and my boyfriend would have the same experience intellectually as he is in his last year at uni

.i just don't know if to say something to her about what she as said that's all

[ul]
[li]hi,
I am the right age to go uni, I just don’t have the right grades to go and I am thinking of going she did say that I would be nice for me to go because then me and my boyfriend would have the same experience intellectually as he is in his last year at uni. which is sooooo wrong of her to say![/li]
[/ul]

If you tell her, she may start to understand and not say such horrible things about you. If she doesn’t understand then just just a cruel person and you shouldn’t listen to her x

Lmao- £9,250 in debt for no reason other than experience. What a load of hogwash!
University degrees are so ****ing overrated it's mind-boggling- Even Lord Sugar has said it.
Fact is- Uni is only if you are genuinely interested in a subject, and if you want to go down a science-based or professional career (e.g Law). However a lot of apprenticeships are available (that offer a degree as well). Deffo not a thing for intellectuality.

The mother is obviously stuck up. However- be careful. You don;t really want to be the reason by ur bf has to make a choice between you and his mother. Try to calm down your bf and ask him to apologise to his mum. No need to tell his own mother to **** off.

Approach the issue more carefully and tactfully.

He just got pissed off because she has no right to say what she said and she always gets involved in his life.

So my boyfriend's parents live like 2 hours away from me and him (we don't live together) so we only go and see them every so often and we will stay at their house. I have met both his mum and dad like 4 times, and we went down to see them this weekend and we went to some festival and had a great time with him and his parents; but after on Sunday when we were going, his mum called him and they spoke while I was upstairs packing and when we were on the drive back my boyfriend seemed really upset so I asked him what was wrong and he said that his mum told him me and him don’t suit because I’m to “quite” bare in mind I have anxiety so its hard to talk to them due to me not knowing what to talk about etc. So he told her to **** off before we left.

When we got home he rang her and asked why she said that and she said it was because I don’t help out in the house, I don’t go university, I don’t have a job currently and that it seems like me and my boyfriend aren’t happy.

I feel like confronting her because of I'm really annoyed about what she said. I mean me and my boyfriend are happy, I don’t help out in the house as its massive and I don’t want to break anything and I don’t know where anything is and I don’t have a job currently because of I'm at college.

I don’t know what to do because shes annoyed my mum and me and I feel like saying something to her as she's coming down next week. (p.s. shes really posh, if that helps too)

Wow what a snob. Unless my child's partner treated them badly I wouldn't dream of commenting on their relationship in a negative way or saying they weren't suited when I barely know them. Sounds like his mum is one of these people who feels the need to broadcast her opinion even when it's not really wanted. But remember it's just her opinion, it's not right or wrong, it's just how she feels however misguided it may be. I think it's best to take it on the chin, don't let it affect you - the longer you stay with your boyfriend, the more proof you have that you are compatible and are happy as couple. Over time you will prove her wrong and then she'll end up looking like an idiot.

She only sees you every so often, so she doesn't know enough about your relationship to make judgements on it.

I have anxiety too, and really struggle meeting new people, and to be honest I struggle with a lot of my boyfriend's family too because I also seem quiet (to the point of seeming rude as I don't converse etc.. I just can't). However over time things have got easier with his parents, and I can talk to them now if we go round to theirs. The only times I struggle now is when we turn up and his siblings are there, are I don't know them well yet so I just go right back into my shell.

The joys of anxiety, eh.

It sounds like your boyfriend is very much going to stand up for you though, which is good. Try to encourage him not to fall out with his mum over it - in-law relationships are often strained, it's not uncommon - and just carry on doing what you're doing. Be happy with your boyfriend, and just be polite when you see his parents. Maybe talk to him to find out what they're into, so you can at least find little conversation starters for when you need go. Coming out of your shell is so hard but if they give you a chance, you'll gradually become more comfortable with them.

So my boyfriend's parents live like 2 hours away from me and him (we don't live together) so we only go and see them every so often and we will stay at their house. I have met both his mum and dad like 4 times, and we went down to see them this weekend and we went to some festival and had a great time with him and his parents; but after on Sunday when we were going, his mum called him and they spoke while I was upstairs packing and when we were on the drive back my boyfriend seemed really upset so I asked him what was wrong and he said that his mum told him me and him don’t suit because I’m to “quite” bare in mind I have anxiety so its hard to talk to them due to me not knowing what to talk about etc. So he told her to **** off before we left.

When we got home he rang her and asked why she said that and she said it was because I don’t help out in the house, I don’t go university, I don’t have a job currently and that it seems like me and my boyfriend aren’t happy.

I feel like confronting her because of I'm really annoyed about what she said. I mean me and my boyfriend are happy, I don’t help out in the house as its massive and I don’t want to break anything and I don’t know where anything is and I don’t have a job currently because of I'm at college.

I don’t know what to do because shes annoyed my mum and me and I feel like saying something to her as she's coming down next week. (p.s. shes really posh, if that helps too)