Unsure about sexual assault

Is it possible to not know whether or not you were raped? About 2 months ago I let one of my “friends” - although he was a guy I had been chatting seriously to for a while - stay over at my flat because he was visiting some friends where I live and wanted to get out of booking a hotel room. We were at our friend’s housewarming and then the bar afterwards and I remember getting food after the bar because of how drunk I was. We then walked home and we lay in bed eating for a few minutes until I lay down after giving him oral sex for about half a minute. I remember turning around to fall asleep for work when I noticed he started applying lube to himself. As soon as I noticed this, he pushed himself on top of me and pulled my underwear out the way and I remember feeling him inside for about 10 seconds until I started to come around and sober up, this being when he stopped. It wasn’t the worst feeling in the world or worst encounter but even months later I question if what happened was wrong since I wanted to go to sleep but he went inside me anyway. Was I raped?

(So OP randomly joined a student forum at 5am to share that?, of course, we do seem to get a lot of them recently )

(So OP randomly joined a student forum at 5am to share that?, of course, we do seem to get a lot of them recently )

(So OP randomly joined a student forum at 5am to share that?, of course, we do seem to get a lot of them recently )

obviously it was bothering her.

You didnt give consent to be penetrated. although, i think by giving him a bj, he took it as consent. unfortunately, lots of men do not understand consent.
Also, it sounds like both of you were intoxicated.

if you were drunk then the initial activity was also without consent. you should report this rapey guy.

Is it possible to not know whether or not you were raped? About 2 months ago I let one of my “friends” - although he was a guy I had been chatting seriously to for a while - stay over at my flat because he was visiting some friends where I live and wanted to get out of booking a hotel room. We were at our friend’s housewarming and then the bar afterwards and I remember getting food after the bar because of how drunk I was. We then walked home and we lay in bed eating for a few minutes until I lay down after giving him oral sex for about half a minute. I remember turning around to fall asleep for work when I noticed he started applying lube to himself. As soon as I noticed this, he pushed himself on top of me and pulled my underwear out the way and I remember feeling him inside for about 10 seconds until I started to come around and sober up, this being when he stopped. It wasn’t the worst feeling in the world or worst encounter but even months later I question if what happened was wrong since I wanted to go to sleep but he went inside me anyway. Was I raped?

And lots of women do not understand consent. Some of them think cos they have pretty eyelashes, every male must want to shag them -- all the time!

Drunken consent is still consent, as a rule of thumb. It only becomes non-consensual where you were so drunk you lost capacity to consent, which is quite a high standard and much higher than merely being drunk. Even then, you have to look at what the rapey guy reasonably believed, re OP's consenting, to understand if OP was raped or not. The story is inconclusive.

well, that was taken out of context. i dont this is the case with OP.

There was no consent. nothing was said. When you are drunk, you are not in your right mind, therefore cannot give proper consent.

Is it possible to not know whether or not you were raped? About 2 months ago I let one of my “friends” - although he was a guy I had been chatting seriously to for a while - stay over at my flat because he was visiting some friends where I live and wanted to get out of booking a hotel room. We were at our friend’s housewarming and then the bar afterwards and I remember getting food after the bar because of how drunk I was. We then walked home and we lay in bed eating for a few minutes until I lay down after giving him oral sex for about half a minute. I remember turning around to fall asleep for work when I noticed he started applying lube to himself. As soon as I noticed this, he pushed himself on top of me and pulled my underwear out the way and I remember feeling him inside for about 10 seconds until I started to come around and sober up, this being when he stopped. It wasn’t the worst feeling in the world or worst encounter but even months later I question if what happened was wrong since I wanted to go to sleep but he went inside me anyway. Was I raped?

Consent does not need to be verbal.

You can consent when you are drunk, unless you are so drunk you have lost all capacity (which is quite rare). In that case, it is a question of what the male reasonably believed as well.

If she verbally consented while drunk, but then fell asleep while he shagged her, was it rape or consensual sex?

To start off, the dichotomy is incorrect. Not all non-consensul sex is rape. Rape has two elements: lack of consent (by OP) and lack of reasonable belief (by the male) that OP consented. You need both. OP could not consent, yet the male could have a reasonable belief that OP consented.

And the answer to the question is you cannot consent when you are unconscious, so any intercourse while OP was asleep would be non-consensual. Whether it would be rape would depend on what the male reasonably believed.

To offer some clarity on this point, it is not clear OP did lose consciousness. A black out in memory can occur without being unconscious and without you losing capacity to consent.

I understand the OP’s point and the idea of consent. I was asking a particular question about consent that tied towards the consent-giver falling asleep.

If consent was given and the issuer fell asleep, but the recipient continued with “reasonable belief”, would that be rape?