My Dad is really irritable since getting cancer

Good evening!

First time here just wondering if anybody has had a similar situation. Last year my Dad got diagnosed with Cancer, pretty rough time, he was moody but fair enough myself and my Mum were patient and dealt with it because it's understandable. Fast forward, thankfully his op was a success and he's been clear for 10+months but that mood is still there. Like a lot of moaning about minor things, a lot of arguments with my Mum over silly little things. A fair bit of moaning is at me but I pride myself on my patience and ability to shrug it off. My Mum however has never had a lot of patience and so little things snowball so I'm constantly trying not to take sides and just keep the peace but it's kinda creating a toxic atmosphere. As situation goes Dad moans about something insignificant, puts Mum in a bad mood and then it's just a bit hostile.
Issue is it's not constant they'll be times where it's back to normal, laughter, joking but the shift just seems to happen so quickly sometimes.

Like I'm in the middle of doing a Masters, trying to focus and balance other stuff and it's just kinda wearing me down. I don't think my Dad knows he's upsetting my Mum but I just worry about the potential strain on their relationship.

I've contemplated sitting them both down explaining they both have their own attitude to look at but try to explain about how the minute moaning my Dad has done since his illness is really wearing people down. But I just worry if doing that will make things worse. The thought of booking him to see a counsellor to talk over his illness has sprung to mind but I don't know if that will just make him clam up about it.

Just looking if anybody has been in a similar boat or has any advice.

Thanks

Maybe speak to your dad on his own and ask if he's okay. Even if he's clear of cancer now (yay!) he's likely still suffering psychologically from it. He may have issues he's keeping to himself and that's why he is in these moods. Try seeing if he will talk to you, or if. it see if he will talk to your mum or his GP. But try and encourage him to talk at least to someone.

Thanks, I'll try more in doing that. We've never really had the emotional talking kinda relationship. Think a big thing was when he was ill, my Mum obviously got very upset and he kept saying how he was weak and stupid for feeling low and crying. I think partly as well he felt embarrassed because I didn't cry because in my mind I had to be strong for both of them. Again at first I worried it might've been relationship troubles between my parents but as said there's plenty of times when they're happy and laughing like usual and it's clear that they are still very much loving towards each other, but on reflection I think it is after effects from his illness and I'll take your advice and talk to him.

Hmm... that's pretty crappy of your mum to say that to him. If she had cancer she would feel pretty low too! Maybe try talking to her as well about her approach towards him?

You misunderstand me my friend, my Mum was getting upset and really worried and it was my Dad who was saying that he was weak for crying and not being strong. My Mum has had cancer, and my Dad was there for her, which was what he kept saying stuff like 'I was strong for you and now I'm ill I can't even be strong for myself'. For my Dad the idea of crying and not being emotionally stable was being weak and that he was a failure, it was the job of myself and my Mum to keep those thoughts out of his head.