Not happy in uni

So I started this September in London a South Bank University, doing Accoutning and Fiannce Year 1, I’m 18.

I loved school, really really loved it, I knew everyone, it was a great community, I was the Head Boy and I’m always looking back on it as probably as good as my life will ever be. About 200 miles north from London.

I was always quite smart in school got decent GCSEs, always got through no major worries. But I found A-Levels hard, VERY hard. I knew it wasn’t going to be good, so when I found an unconditional on UCAS from London South Bank Uni the week before my exams I was over the moon!! I accepted straight away, I had a place and I was going to uni!
It was a good job is did as I ended up getting DDE in Maths, ICT and Economics.

I’m in week 7 now and things are getting worse, my course is fine I’m enjoying it, pretty sure it’s the right course for me I do get along with people there and in my seminar group. Only 13 hours a week and I find it quite easy so far to be honest.

The thing is I haven’t really got any friends. I don’t drink so don’t really go out, I don’t want to drink, and won’t - it’s my personal preference and experiences. But I’ve been out twice in freshers week, hated the first club, second time was ok.

Here at LSBU it seems about 80/90% of the students commute, so even if I find some people I get along with they still live miles away anyway. It’s even more so just the lifestyle I have friends who’ve gone to other unis around the country and look to be having so much fun. Just little things like all their flat dressing up for Halloween taking pictures and going out together.
My flat only has 5 people, one we never see and he eats out all the time so doesn’t use the kitchen, 2 are best friends already so keep together, always have other people in our kitchen and treat it as if it is there for their use only, leave it in a complete mess every single day. The other girl is nice, but I don’t really ever see her.
I was really hoping to get an experience that I wouldn’t want to leave, you know, something that at the end of 3 years I would be sad for that time to finish, somewhere that every day is fun with people, but instead I look forward to the night so I can go to sleep and end another boring day spent alone. I have a lot of free time and very little to do.
I feel lonely and like I’m not in that nice community. I feel like (I don’t know how to make this sound not bad) but that I get along better with clever people and here there really aren’t many of them, I feel like just because my alevels have let me down I’m stuck here.
The uni facilities aren’t even that great, like the library is small and not good. And I see other people’s unis with these incredible modern and new libraries with lots of group study spaces and they look to be having such a great time. The union isn’t great as well with not many societies. I do go to football on a Monday night though, that I enjoy.

My mums always said if I don’t enjoy it say and we can sort it out, but I don’t want to because I feel she’ll make it too easy for me to drop out without a solution.
I don’t know what to do, should I pull out now and try do better in my alevels, but what if I do no better and fail again! Do I try go somewhere else for 2nd year, but very few places would let me in with results like mine. I fell a little bit trapped.
It’s more like a job being here, not the incredible life experience I was hoping for, I keep thinking after Christmas, when I come back it’s going to feel terrible coming back down to nothing that exciting and leaving all my family back home.

I’m normally quite a confident outgoing, very optimistic person - and I really thrive of people, I love spending time with people. So right now I really don’t feel great.

I’ve read this again myself not sure if it makes sense. Thank you for any advice anyone can give.

I can understand what you are going through tbh, . What I can advice you is that good things will happen (e.g make long life friends) but it is just about patience and accepting it for now. pm I honestly don’t mind if u message me about ur day and I can check up on you

Thank you, some days are worse than others, the end of the weeks are worse usually, I cried last week and haven’t in years. Maybe yeah giving it more time, it’s only 7 weeks in 3 years. And thank you got your offer

Honestly push ur self out there , join many societies , go party and you don’t need to drink .

So I started this September in London a South Bank University, doing Accoutning and Fiannce Year 1, I’m 18.

I loved school, really really loved it, I knew everyone, it was a great community, I was the Head Boy and I’m always looking back on it as probably as good as my life will ever be. About 200 miles north from London.

I was always quite smart in school got decent GCSEs, always got through no major worries. But I found A-Levels hard, VERY hard. I knew it wasn’t going to be good, so when I found an unconditional on UCAS from London South Bank Uni the week before my exams I was over the moon!! I accepted straight away, I had a place and I was going to uni!
It was a good job is did as I ended up getting DDE in Maths, ICT and Economics.

I’m in week 7 now and things are getting worse, my course is fine I’m enjoying it, pretty sure it’s the right course for me I do get along with people there and in my seminar group. Only 13 hours a week and I find it quite easy so far to be honest.

The thing is I haven’t really got any friends. I don’t drink so don’t really go out, I don’t want to drink, and won’t - it’s my personal preference and experiences. But I’ve been out twice in freshers week, hated the first club, second time was ok.

Here at LSBU it seems about 80/90% of the students commute, so even if I find some people I get along with they still live miles away anyway. It’s even more so just the lifestyle I have friends who’ve gone to other unis around the country and look to be having so much fun. Just little things like all their flat dressing up for Halloween taking pictures and going out together.
My flat only has 5 people, one we never see and he eats out all the time so doesn’t use the kitchen, 2 are best friends already so keep together, always have other people in our kitchen and treat it as if it is there for their use only, leave it in a complete mess every single day. The other girl is nice, but I don’t really ever see her.
I was really hoping to get an experience that I wouldn’t want to leave, you know, something that at the end of 3 years I would be sad for that time to finish, somewhere that every day is fun with people, but instead I look forward to the night so I can go to sleep and end another boring day spent alone. I have a lot of free time and very little to do.
I feel lonely and like I’m not in that nice community. I feel like (I don’t know how to make this sound not bad) but that I get along better with clever people and here there really aren’t many of them, I feel like just because my alevels have let me down I’m stuck here.
The uni facilities aren’t even that great, like the library is small and not good. And I see other people’s unis with these incredible modern and new libraries with lots of group study spaces and they look to be having such a great time. The union isn’t great as well with not many societies. I do go to football on a Monday night though, that I enjoy.

My mums always said if I don’t enjoy it say and we can sort it out, but I don’t want to because I feel she’ll make it too easy for me to drop out without a solution.
I don’t know what to do, should I pull out now and try do better in my alevels, but what if I do no better and fail again! Do I try go somewhere else for 2nd year, but very few places would let me in with results like mine. I fell a little bit trapped.
It’s more like a job being here, not the incredible life experience I was hoping for, I keep thinking after Christmas, when I come back it’s going to feel terrible coming back down to nothing that exciting and leaving all my family back home.

I’m normally quite a confident outgoing, very optimistic person - and I really thrive of people, I love spending time with people. So right now I really don’t feel great.

I’ve read this again myself not sure if it makes sense. Thank you for any advice anyone can give.

I'm also 18 and started uni not long ago too, I can definitely relate to this. In a way, I'd say that it was slightly worse for me because I didn't get into Uni accommodation, leaving me to find my own private accommodation. i'm currently with a bunch of random people, all older than me, most are older professionals who are already well-established. As a result, I've had to depend solely on my course mates and societies to make friends.

As with you, i don't have many friends here either. There are people who I can work with and talk too on my course, but they are all commuters and tend to go straight back home after lectures anyway. I see other people's university experiences, little things like you said about others' taking Halloween pictures together and I feel as though I'm missing out on something big.

In the end, you and I have only been at university for what... a month and a half? I met some of my closest friends in secondary school only after 2-3 YEARS. The people who i were friends with in year 7, for the most part, didn't remain my friends throughout my secondary school years. The same can be applied to university; just because you haven't clicked with anyone in the first month or so, hardly means that you never will. I get why that seems difficult to believe; after all, though it's only been a month, I can already see people forming distinct clicks. But as it was in secondary school, there is no guarantee that these groupings will last forever. There are inevitably some people who are in exactly the same position as you right now, in fact, and it would do you good to perhaps keep an eye out for them.

Don't be fooled by the appearance of other universities; my university looked absolutely spectacular before I actually started attending. Ultimately, it's the people who you meet who make the experience, not the facilities. You could be in an absolutely trashy, tiny library and still have a whopping time if you are with the right people.

These past few days, I have been feeling a little down. I often imagine having someone who I could go out with at 2am, just walk through the city or something, take some pictures. But then I remember that very few people are actually living like this at university. In a way, I feel that you might be looking at this in too much detail. I've taken offhanded group selfies with a few friends from my course, I sit with some of them to study in the library when we have nothing else to do; but this doesn't mean that I'm super close/comfortable with them and after these brief meetings, we simply part ways.

So don't be misled by all of these amazing pictures that you see others' posting. i know people who met up with complete randomers at the club during freshers, posted photos of them having a great time, but never even saw each other again afterward.

I would suggest just talking to as many people as you can. There is a girl in my lectures who always sits by herself. The other day, I asked if she was saving the seat next to her for someone, she said no and I ended up sitting next to her. She was incredibly shy, didn't really seem to know what to say, but as someone who used to have crippling social anxiety, i just kept trying to chat with her. I hope she's somewhat opening up to me now. You should try something similar. One of my biggest problems (maybe one of yours too?) was that I constantly expected people to either come my way, or for things to fall into place.

That doesn't happen.

You need to be proactive, stop wallowing in your room and feeling sorry for yourself, and talk to as many people as you can.

I understand that you've tried several societies, which is great. Societies for me have sort of been a saving grace. Sports societies like the ones that you have joined are usually very good for meeting people, so I would just join as many as you can. Even if you don't particularly enjoy the sport itself, just being out of your room and surrounding yourself with other people will 100% make you feel a little less depressed. If you end up standing next to someone, just start basic conversation. Ask what their name is, what course their doing. It seems like such a stiff way to make friends, but everyone does it at the beginning, and it works very well.

Do you have something like a film or a gaming society? I personally find that these societies are a lot easier to make friends in. I went to yoga society not long ago and there were just big-booty health-nuts lol, which is why I find sports societies can be a little stifling. In film society, we sort of just sit together and watch films. Because you're sat in one place for a while, you also get to know the people around you pretty well.

You said that you enjoy being around "clever" people lol - not sure what this implies and I hope that you're not actively repelled by non-geniuses (jk) but is there something like a chess club? Everyone is going to be wanting to show of their intellectual abilities, it might be quite stimulating for you.

The worst thing that you can do is hole up in your accommodation and feel bored and miserable. Even if it's not directly making friends at university, try and be active. I find that people who are more active (actually, I believe it's scientifically proven) are more confident, and thus make friends more easily. Even though I am a complete couch potato, I signed up for the gym. The gym near me is very student-oriented, so I'm hoping to meet others' there too.

Don't forget that your university is in London. I think that it's about the same distance from central as my Uni is. Be spontaneous; hop on the train at 9pm and go to Starbucks at Leicester Square. Appreciate your own company before anyone else's.

Hi @xam155 and @Snfkin,

So sorry to hear that you're finding it hard to make friends. It sounds like you've tried loads of things and are being really proactive. So, first of all - well done

As you say @Snfkin - it can just take time to form real friendships. Hopefully if you keep trying out the various clubs and student societies, you'll find one that you love. I'm one of the official London Met reps and know from speaking with students here at the university that joining clubs and societies has really helped them and actually transformed their lives. Societies are a really great way to meet people who are interested in the same kind of things as you.The real positive is that you'll all get to meet up regularly and out of that you'll start to form some great friendships.

You've both connected here, which is hopefully reassuring and there are so many others in the same situation, who are new to a city and just starting out at university.

It is early days still, so keep going and I'm sure you'll settle in and make some great friends really soon.

Have a lovely day.

Nonie

Ahaha what that's exactly my situation in halls. But I'm the guy that eats out and doesn't use the kitchen. Now I feel bad.

I also have no friends but I'm happy to just concentrate on the workload.

Meet people online man, that's what I'd do if I wasn't in the situation I'm in rn.

Good luck.

Oh dear, at least you don't make a mess in the kitchen hahah

I'm finding the work quite easy and staying on top of it which I suppose is better than falling behind.

How do you recommend finding people on line?

Many thanks.

Thank you Nonie,

I think yeah I'm defiantly going to try a few more societies myself, try find some more people I could get along well with. I am really enjoying the football and do look forward to it.

Yes early days, only 7 weeks in 3 years - like mentioned before friends you make in year 7 usually aren't still your best friends by the end of school and it will take time to find people you really get along with I suppose.