am i leading him on? pls help

I promise I am not trying to sound conceited at all but i know I am considered pretty/attractive so I'm cautious whenever a guy asks me out. I say no to everyone, no matter who they are, it means I've only had one relationship ever but it keeps me from getting hurt so i don't mind. I know I have trust issues but can't help it, I've never had a bad experience but i am scared to have one as even losing a close friend completely throws me off balance for a while. I invest a lot into people so i'm picky about who i get close to.

Anyway, my friend asked me out months ago, I freaked out and said no which he respected but he didn't lose feelings for me. Recently I have gotten really comfortable with him and opened up a bit, it may have led to some unintentional flirting nothing overly suggestive just stuff like "come over" etc. and we have been calling each other loads.

I spoke to him about another guy the other day and called the guy hot, my friend got weird about this and became blunt. i confronted him so eventually he told me i've been giving him mixed signs and i've changed how i speak to him so now he thinks i may think of him as more than a friend. I don't know how i feel so i said no i don't like you it was just a friendly joke. and he said fine, then i said actually no it wasn't completely platonic and he said wdym and i didn't know what to say so i said don't worry.

We have been talking like we were before now and idk if i'm being a horrible person and giving mixed signs, I've considered not talking to him anymore at all but don't know if that's a good idea

SOrry it's so long and thanks for reading x

Reply 1

Zuruaua

Do you like him? If you do then take a risk. Give him a chance. Seems to me like you do like him. It's all part of experiencing life. Be cautious, but not too cautious.

If you don't like him, then yeah you're definitely giving mixed signals and should be clear to him about that. But I wouldn't say you're leading him on, you're just scared.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zuruaua

I like him a little i think, just confused.

Reply 3

kitty357

Original post by Anonymous

I like him a little i think, just confused.

confusion is totally understandable. but make sure to try to figure it out as fast as you can. because you dont want to hurt him.
if i were u i would tell him ( if you are leaning towards feelings for him) that everything needs to go slowly and you want to see where life takes yall.

because you dont want to commit if you are unsure of your feelings.

Reply 4

Zuruaua

Original post by Anonymous

I like him a little i think, just confused.

"Follow your heart, but take your brain with you"

Random quote that I felt was applicable.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by kitty357

I don't know what the feeling is but it's like I want to carry on being the same way with him without the commitment of a relationship, like I like being open with him and being able to relax around him. But the thought of dating him rn is too much for me, I think there's something wrong with me because so many girls would love to be in my position.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zuruaua

"Follow your heart, but take your brain with you"

Random quote that I felt was applicable.

That's cute

Reply 7

Zuruaua

Original post by Anonymous

Then just let him know. The best relationships start off as friendships in my opinion. If you're not ready then I'm sure he'll give you the time you need.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zuruaua

Then just let him know. The best relationships start off as friendships in my opinion. If you're not ready then I'm sure he'll give you the time you need.

I wouldn't know how to say it. In these situations I usually end up saying "no I don't like you" even if idk yet

Reply 9

Zuruaua

Original post by Anonymous

I wouldn't know how to say it. In these situations I usually end up saying "no I don't like you" even if idk yet

How about "I'm unsure of my feelings at the moment, can we just stay friends for the time being?"

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zuruaua

How about "I'm unsure of my feelings at the moment, can we just stay friends for the time being?"

Yeah I guess so but will that get his hopes up

Reply 11

UWS

If you have to ask then you're probably guilty about something. How about just being distant from him and prevent yourself from telling him things he may miscontrue.

Reply 12

Zuruaua

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah I guess so but will that get his hopes up

Maybe a little, but that would be on him. You've been honest, so even if eventually you decided you didn't want a relationship with him, I'm sure he'll take it well.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by UWS

If you have to ask then you're probably guilty about something. How about just being distant from him and prevent yourself from telling him things he may miscontrue.

He's like one of my best friends I don't want to distance myself :/ would it be wrong to just continue then make up my mind later

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zuruaua

Maybe a little, but that would be on him. You've been honest, so even if eventually you decided you didn't want a relationship with him, I'm sure he'll take it well.

Would it really be on him tho because I feel like it would be my fault and it would count as leading him on

Reply 15

UWS

Original post by Anonymous

He's like one of my best friends I don't want to distance myself :/ would it be wrong to just continue then make up my mind later

Playing with someone's feelings is much worse. Imagine your crush doing that to you, would you be happy with him turning around and saying "no" after being so close and suggestive?

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by UWS

Playing with someone's feelings is much worse. Imagine your crush doing that to you, would you be happy with him turning around and saying "no" after being so close and suggestive?

That's true tbh
Ugh idk what to do then

Reply 17

UWS

Original post by Anonymous

That's true tbh
Ugh idk what to do then

Stop trying to respond to his advances then, if he tries anything just suggest that you value the friendship and would rather being friends. It mostly rests on you having some self-control. It's better to be honest than lie to your best friend.

Reply 18

username1339858_

Figure out what you want.

Reply 19

Zuruaua

Original post by Anonymous

Would it really be on him tho because I feel like it would be my fault and it would count as leading him on

You're telling him exactly how you feel; confused. He'll give you time to figure things out, and he'll expect either outcome. But in the meantime, keep it to strictly just friends. No flirting with him etc.