The Student Room Group

her and me=...?

hi, I haven't been to this forum for quite a while and apologies in advance if my post sounds like another LONG,boring dribble but it's about this girl at my uni (I know, not again :viking: lol).

I remember seeing her the first time I went to uni,for my first lecture and really liking her at first sight-I know it sounds crazy and 1960s,doesn't it? lol

But, I thought being a shy person back then, I would probably forget about it after a while, adding this 'butterfly'feeling within me which I could only describe as 'not lust' at the time, to the piles of crushes I have had since I was a kid. I used to turn up to classes just to see her, to see her smile and play with her hair. I have been described as being athletic and good looking but to me she still seemed WAYYYYYY out of my league which is why I never really gathered any courage to even go speak to her. To me she deserved someone better than me.

One year on, I start my second year,however, a completely transformed person. I went from being shy to the confident guy in my group,cracking jokes, mixing with all kinds of people. I now have no problem in having interesting conversatons with anyone, even stranger girls. I have improved my appearance a lot as well.

But, I still get nervous whenever I see her. I still lose my breath in admiring her rather than go and speak to her. I remember catching her looking straight at me a few times last year and this year when on nights out and many other occasions. I have this feeling that no way was she looking at me, she is wayyyyy out of my league and what if she rejects me and may be my brain created these illusions of her looking at me when she probably was looking at someone behind me.

She has created something within me which will smash into pieces if she rejects me which is why i have been reluctant to make a move. I hoped someone genuine from her league will make her happy. But, after waking up this morning I felt the old "WHAT IF"? What if she has been feeling the same about me the whole time as well and those glances were to invite me to speak to her. I rewinded those glances in my head and I am confused now and surprised as to why I still have a 'crush' on her?

This morning i also realised that the guy she has dated in the past year was a LOT worse than me in terms of appearance. CONFUSED CONFUSED CONFUSED..............And this one night she appeared from no where with her fellow friend and started raving with my mate in front of me,I moved myself instantly to another part of the dance floor, as I could not take it in the chin. I know for a fact she is not into my mate,just knows him well but seeing her raving with him was painful.

I just want to be there with her, spend time with her but the risk of rejection is eating me up. I may look far from being an emotional guy but I fear my emotions are getting the best of me at present and I honestly need all your help and advises. I have kept this to myself for the past two years but this morning things just seem different. Is this fear stemming from my old self? What should I do?
SORRY FOR THE LONG POST and THANKS to everyone taking their time out to read this and special thanks in advance to everyone who are going to post a postitive response. :smile:
awwww. go for it. the thought of rejection might be scary but imagine the happiness you could have if she does like you?!!!
awww thats so sweet hehe. a bit long but go and talk to her, its the only way you'll ever find if she likes you. go and invite her out for a drink or something like that ask her out as a friend, take a deep breath and go for it. Its better to know than the what if thing if you never asked her, or found out what she thinks of you.
Good Luck :biggrin:
cute tale :biggrin: i think you should go for it ask her and find out at least then you cant look back and thing what if?.. go onnn op you can do it :biggrin:
Reply 4
Sorry in advance if this seems harsh.

But man up! Seriously the worst she can say is no and it's blatently obvious the benefits of her saying yes would outweigh a few day / weeks heart ache.

At least this way you'd get some closure either way! You've built her up so much and stuck her on an imaginary pedestal which you believe is above you.
soulwax its not that easy just because you might find it easy to ask girls if your a lad??.. its not like that for everyone so you cant really say he needs to "man up" i know you apologised foir your harshness but thats a bit insensitive :smile: . do it in your own time op and when you feel comfortable then its more likely to run smoothly. :smile:. i
Reply 6
a piece of advice a friend gave me once when i had a problem similar to this

"better to regret something said than something not said"

now scoot and tell her
Reply 7
jo_ukcrew03
She has created something within me which will smash into pieces if she rejects me which is why i have been reluctant to make a move.


I think you need to make a move sometime very soon. It's been going on for too long, and she can only say either yes or no. Reading through what you've written, I can't get rid of the thought that if she says no, perhaps whatever it is she's created within you needs to be smashed. Perhaps the thing is eating you up, stopping you moving on with your life and tying you down to your old shy self.

Carrying emotional baggage like this will drag you down, sooner or later.

Tell her how you feel.
Reply 8
lil_devil87
soulwax its not that easy just because you might find it easy to ask girls if your a lad??.. its not like that for everyone so you cant really say he needs to "man up" i know you apologised foir your harshness but thats a bit insensitive :smile: . do it in your own time op and when you feel comfortable then its more likely to run smoothly. :smile:. i


Indeed i'm a guy. I've also been in a similar position many moons ago that the OP has described. When I did finally get the courage up to do ask, and was shot down in flames dramatically I realised that i'd worried for nothing, after a few weeks of being gutted i'd got over it and realised that there were many other women out in the world.

Like most things in life, once you've done it once, it becomes easier to do!

Personally i think the longer the OP leaves it the more worked up he is gonna get about it, and the more unattainable she will seem.

Also every now and then people need a push rather than been mollycoddled.
Reply 9
Soulwax
Indeed i'm a guy. I've also been in a similar position many moons ago that the OP has described. When I did finally get the courage up to do ask, and was shot down in flames dramatically I realised that i'd worried for nothing, after a few weeks of being gutted i'd got over it and realised that there were many other women out in the world.

Like most things in life, once you've done it once, it becomes easier to do!

Personally i think the longer the OP leaves it the more worked up he is gonna get about it, and the more unattainable she will seem.


this is good, i agree with this bit

yes sometimes people need to be pushed, but you could be a TAD subtler :cool:
Reply 10
Being subtle relies too much upon the other person to figure out what you are getting at. This could lead to a misinterpretation. So best to be as straight to the point as possible to avoid confusion.
Reply 11
Thanks for all your comments everyone. I appreciate all of you reading my post patiently and replying to it. And no you are not being harsh soulwax, i got angry at myself at times for just not going up to her and asking her out straightway. Believe me I have no problem asking ANYONE in this world out NOW, even if the person was a top supermodel from Bulgaria-that's how confident I am now. But the thing is I don't see this girl as 'just another bird', she is special,she is different, to me at least.

So what would you say will be a good method to let her know my feelings.Does anyone think it will be a good idea to at least introduce myself to her and then gradually week by week reel her in by showing her what kind of person I am rather than going in for the kill at once?

The former idea scares me as she may put me in that "he is just another friend" circle,however, the "straight for the kill" method may mean rejection straightway if she gets freaked out. I don't want to freak her out. Do any of you have any further advises regarding this?
Reply 12
Just walk up to her and straight away ask if she fancies going out to cinema, bite to eat, drink, anything else you can think of.

I really wouldn't go into the whole admiring her from afar thing as she may freak out.

That way you seem nice and casual about it and you don't get trapped in the friends zone.
Reply 13
jo_ukcrew03
So what would you say will be a good method to let her know my feelings.Does anyone think it will be a good idea to at least introduce myself to her and then gradually week by week reel her in by showing her what kind of person I am rather than going in for the kill at once?


Do a bit of both...

Go up to her say 'hi' and ask how she is.

Say you're sorry you haven't spoken to her properly before, and ask if she would like to go for a coffee or something at some point.

If she agrees, sit and talk to her, listen to her. BE YOURSELF. That's VERY important! She may seem "out of your league" but - believe me - she's 'just' another human being.

If you feel it's gone well, ask her if she wants to hook up again. If she says yes, that's a very good sign :wink:

By asking her out for a coffee, you're not going 'straight in for the kill', but you're also not necessarily leaving it as 'just friends' since you're making an effort to go out as just the 2 of you, if that makes sense?


To be honest, it does sound as if she likes you - if I like a guy I glance over at him quite a bit and would join his group of friends if I saw them out (and knew them, obviously!). But I wouldn't necessarily talk to him / talk to him as much as I did his friends cos I'm too shy and don't want to appear to come on too strong! Sounds a bit like what this girl does!

Good luck :biggrin:
Hmmm................I don't know where to begin.........the general simpery, the 'pedestaling' of this ONE chick, the idolatry of Arsenal.......which is the biggest crime? :smile:

Anyway, lets chop some game up!


jo_ukcrew03

I remember seeing her the first time I went to uni,for my first lecture and really liking her at first sight-I know it sounds crazy and 1960s,doesn't it? lol


It happens to all of us.....I remember on my first day of secondary school doing the same......it was like WOAH!

Then again I was 11...............what's your excuse?


jo_ukcrew03

I have been described as being athletic and good looking but to me she still seemed WAYYYYYY out of my league which is why I never really gathered any courage to even go speak to her. To me she deserved someone better than me.


This is loser talk and you know it. Stop this RIGHT NOW. To the victor the spoils.

jo_ukcrew03

One year on, I start my second year,however, a completely transformed person. I went from being shy to the confident guy in my group,cracking jokes, mixing with all kinds of people. I now have no problem in having interesting conversatons with anyone, even stranger girls. I have improved my appearance a lot as well.


Congratulations. At least you get it. The more you improve yourself, on the INSIDE as well as the outside, the better it gets. I bet that better chicks than the one you are obsessed with are checking you out, wanting a piece...

jo_ukcrew03

But, I still get nervous whenever I see her. I still lose my breath in admiring her rather than go and speak to her. I remember catching her looking straight at me a few times last year and this year when on nights out and many other occasions. I have this feeling that no way was she looking at me, she is wayyyyy out of my league and what if she rejects me and may be my brain created these illusions of her looking at me when she probably was looking at someone behind me.


STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

your low self-esteem is messing with your head big time.

Next time you feel like this do some push-ups or something, and TELL yourself you're better than this...............



jo_ukcrew03

She has created something within me which will smash into pieces if she rejects me which is why i have been reluctant to make a move.


Oh please.

She turns you down, life goes on, the Earth will still revolve around the Sun, and Arsenal will still not have won the European Cup

jo_ukcrew03

This morning i also realised that the guy she has dated in the past year was a LOT worse than me in terms of appearance. CONFUSED CONFUSED CONFUSED..............


"we hold these truths to be self evident........."
........it doesn't matter what he looks like! As long as he makes her FEEL like a woman, and/or gives her EXACTLY what she wants/needs as a woman.......it's a wrap!!!!!


jo_ukcrew03

I just want to be there with her, spend time with her but the risk of rejection is eating me up. I may look far from being an emotional guy but I fear my emotions are getting the best of me at present and I honestly need all your help and advises. I have kept this to myself for the past two years but this morning things just seem different. Is this fear stemming from my old self? What should I do?


1) FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real
2) Find another woman
3) Keep going to the gym
4) For future reference, when chatting with a chick you want, get her life story, find out her values.....she'll TELL you how to get her!


jo_ukcrew03
SORRY FOR THE LONG POST :smile:


I wanted to say tl;dr

Too late.

Good luck anyway!
Reply 15
Well yeah, I think most things I was going to say have been covered above, but just to add the following;

It is better to regret that which failed, than miss thousands of potentially wonderful opportunities.

Also, the more times you fail, the less each one means and the more sucess you will have in the future. "That what dont kill me, makes me stronger" to quote Kanye.

Have confidence in yourself, and trust your gut instincts. Girls love a guy with confidence. Walk up, shoulders back, say what you want without having a quivery voice and see what she has to say. Most/alot of girls will happily go out for a drink even if just to get to know you, after that if things dont work out, so be it, she aint the one. Move on, there are plenty more just as good looking as her.

Leagues - *******s. Beauty only intimidates. They are still humans, and looks arnt everything if you can give her what she wants, it dont matter what you look like. Thing is getting to show her what she wants without being thrown back.

Be funny and smile.

Good luck, go and have fun. Its all for pleasure at the end of the day.
Reply 16
so, OP, have you said anything yet??
Reply 17
What is wrong with me? I have lots of close women friends but still the idea of being with her seems too far fetched. I really like her and want to be with her and just talk to her, holding her hands.

I think the boat has passed now as I am in my final year now and not once during these past three years have I been able to even say one darn 'HELLO" to her. Even though i put up a big smile and make others smile all the time, deep inside this pain makes me feel like a loser,an idiot a .......

I regret and am hurting for what I didn't do,when I had the chance. I can't tell anyone of my friends, they will laugh it off as a joke-none of them would believe that I have such girl problem I am sure! I regret so much and she will always be in my heart. :frown:
Reply 18
you really need to talk to her. you don't want to regret this for the rest of your life :smile: please talk to her
damn, thas a lot of emotions in a post,

Ok, thing is you like this gal so much your brain is going into overdrive
you are thinking stuff, delusional,

you are gettin emotional, emotions cloud your judgement

You want this gal, only one way
follow these steps in sequence after you realise the most important fact

It cant get any worse


1. Next time you see her, smile/wink and say hello

2. Give it a few days, place yourself at a point where you have good probability of seeing her,

3. walk with her, and say hello, how was class/ or small talk

4. YOu got to keep repeating it, dont overdo it, dont talk emotional and throw in the occasional compliment for example after you r third meeting, say, you look different, (she she look different), and tell her she really dresses nice

5. After 2 weeks, you got to slip in the , damn we shud hang out sumtime reference

6. After that gauging her response,. ask her if she free for a movie, and take it from there


NO emtional stuff, you can let that out later