Lost

So I’m a first year university student but I’m so lost. I’m the laziest/ most unmotivated person I’ve met. I’ve had problems with studying since GCSEs. I made bad life choices and because someone different. I became unmotivated to get out of bed and get to school and I hardly touched homework. I did pass at the end of college however so I know I’m not at such a loss. I moved a few hours away from home for university, I wanted to be independent and I was so excited. But since I’ve arrived it’s been the total opposite. My anxiety and depression have gone up a lot. Especially because I don’t know anyone and I’ve found it hard to make friends. There are people I talk to what not but I don’t have my own little group to always be with like everyone else I know does. This stresses me because I’m someone who can’t do things alone. I need others there with me to help me and a-company me. I also find it very stressful being out during the day, being so bright outside makes me feel vulnerable and self conscious. I’ve been to about 6 lessons so far since I’ve started university. It’s been about 3 weeks since I’ve attended any lessons. I feel bad about it but I just can’t do it. I can’t go to them. Especially since I know I’m behind now, it just makes me feel worse. I’m just spending money on takeaways and the occasional going out on some weekends. I stay in my room almost 24/7 and have only had one cooked meal since I’ve arrived. The rest is just takeaway. I like to cook but sharing a kitchen with others just isn’t it for me. It makes me sad how excited I was for sharing a place with others and how proud my mum was of me. But I’m literally just going down hill from here. I don’t know what to do. I’m not getting anywhere and honestly even if I change my course, there isn’t anything that I like to do? I have no actual hobbies that I would spend a lot of time on. Literally the only thing I do is watch anime and YouTube videos all day. I have a 4 year course ahead of me and I have no idea what to do from here. I don’t work either and I’m not someone who is up for an early to evening job and whatnot. Sigh. I can’t stop thinking about this. Every single day. And it stresses me out and makes me so upset because I’m so lost. I don’t want to become someone useless and have my family be disappointed in me.

do you feel like you could talk someone at your university perhaps student support about how you are feeling?

So I’m a first year university student but I’m so lost. I’m the laziest/ most unmotivated person I’ve met. I’ve had problems with studying since GCSEs. I made bad life choices and because someone different. I became unmotivated to get out of bed and get to school and I hardly touched homework. I did pass at the end of college however so I know I’m not at such a loss. I moved a few hours away from home for university, I wanted to be independent and I was so excited. But since I’ve arrived it’s been the total opposite. My anxiety and depression have gone up a lot. Especially because I don’t know anyone and I’ve found it hard to make friends. There are people I talk to what not but I don’t have my own little group to always be with like everyone else I know does. This stresses me because I’m someone who can’t do things alone. I need others there with me to help me and a-company me. I also find it very stressful being out during the day, being so bright outside makes me feel vulnerable and self conscious. I’ve been to about 6 lessons so far since I’ve started university. It’s been about 3 weeks since I’ve attended any lessons. I feel bad about it but I just can’t do it. I can’t go to them. Especially since I know I’m behind now, it just makes me feel worse. I’m just spending money on takeaways and the occasional going out on some weekends. I stay in my room almost 24/7 and have only had one cooked meal since I’ve arrived. The rest is just takeaway. I like to cook but sharing a kitchen with others just isn’t it for me. It makes me sad how excited I was for sharing a place with others and how proud my mum was of me. But I’m literally just going down hill from here. I don’t know what to do. I’m not getting anywhere and honestly even if I change my course, there isn’t anything that I like to do? I have no actual hobbies that I would spend a lot of time on. Literally the only thing I do is watch anime and YouTube videos all day. I have a 4 year course ahead of me and I have no idea what to do from here. I don’t work either and I’m not someone who is up for an early to evening job and whatnot. Sigh. I can’t stop thinking about this. Every single day. And it stresses me out and makes me so upset because I’m so lost. I don’t want to become someone useless and have my family be disappointed in me.

I’ve emailed a teacher of mine to let him know why I haven’t gone to a lot (mainly due to anxiety) and he was supportive and referred me to the mental illness and wellbeing people in the university however they said I’m on the waiting list and it would take about 7 weeks to get in contact and for an appointment. Also I’m quite bad at actually getting to the point of talking to someone. I feel like once I have someone to talk to then I will. Also in college I’ve alao talked to people like my teachers however they just say things like ‘ well what do you like? You could do something to do with that’ and That’s the problem, I don’t know what I like enough to actually take it up in life.

Oh that waiting list must make things very difficult. some universities have night lines that you can call to talk to someone confidentially. It's difficult to decide what you want to do, but many people do many different jobs throughout their life, you don't have to pick something and then stick with it