Half sister got back in contact with me. Conflicted about what to do?

From my dad's side, I have many half siblings. I have only really met and interacted with a couple of them which was years ago when we were kids. We lost contact and then today I got a mail from my half sister saying she would like to get back in contact again and that she always saw me not only as a sister but a best friend too.

I have always thought very highly of her and can't say anything against her, she is a lovely girl. The problem is, she still deals with 'dad's' side of the family whereas I have had nothing to do with them since I was a child. To put it bluntly, most of that side are evil. I know if we were to get back in contact, everything would be reported back to them and I don't want them knowing any of my business though I suppose now that she found me on FB, they will already know things like I am married, what I look like etc. That is the single biggest reason why I am reluctant to be in contact with her.

On the flip side, I feel that if I don't get back in contact with her, I will be no better than our 'dad' who just ditched every single one of his kids. I don't want to feel guilt tripped into talking to her though. There is a huge part of me that wants to talk to her but then another part doesn't. I know she can't help who her family is, no more than I can and I don't want to hold it against her but at the same time, I want to stay as far away from that side as possible.

I feel very conflicted at what to do - I do genuinely care about her and want what is best for her and would never want to hurt her.

Reply 1

username1339858_

You have to decided what is best for you, in the short term and long term.

Whatever you choose, no regrets should follow. That's when you are 100% on what to do. Whether that be to ignore her, whether that be to get in contact with her and have the whole of the family knowing your stuff. Don't think about how it would make her feel, you have to come first for yourself.

Maybe discuss things with your partner, see what their opinions are. Often people closest to us pick up on things about us we don't ourselves, so he may have some very valid points to consider.

Reply 2

Convicted Rapist

Have you been in contact with your father?

Reply 3

Rum Ham

Thanks, that is good advice :yep:

I'm going to talk it over with him tonight but I think no matter what advice he gives, I should sleep on it, maybe even for a few days. The message took me by surprise today and I have felt nearly every emotion about it. Like I said, I don't ever want to hurt her but you're right, I have to think about what I really want and need too.

Reply 4

The_Lonely_Goatherd

Wow, that sounds like a bolt out of the blue :headfire:

Hope you're holding up OK after getting that message :hugs:

I'm wondering whether explaining to her that you don't want your dad's side of the family knowing all about you and your life to your half-sister might be worth doing? As in, if you said to her, "I'd like to be in touch with you but I don't want you talking about me to our dad's side of the family", would that be something she could respect and abide by? :dontknow:

Reply 5

username2393237

Not talking to a half-sister is not remotely the same as abandoning your children. Throw the guilt and emotional crap in the bin where it belongs.

Maybe you could try being very open with her. If she was really your friend, then she might understand.

Reply 6

Rum Ham

Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd

Wow, that sounds like a bolt out of the blue :headfire:

Hope you're holding up OK after getting that message :hugs:

Biggest bolt out of the blue I have had for a long time :eek:

I feel a bit better after sleeping on it. I think its for the best if we just keep things the way they have been for years. I think it would be unfair of me to ask her to keep things back from that side of the family since she is close to them and I wouldn't want to come in between any of that and tbh, I wouldn't keep anything from my family if someone asked me to. I just don't know how to word the message to her or whether to just ignore the message. Urgh. I'm probably over thinking things as usual :colondollar:

Reply 7

username1339858_

Original post by Rum Ham

Biggest bolt out of the blue I have had for a long time :eek:

Pretty much how you've worded it here if you're really stuck

Reply 8

ANM775

Original post by Rum Ham

Biggest bolt out of the blue I have had for a long time :eek:

Ignoring the message is way too harsh.

Honestly think how you'd feel if you reached out like that to someone and they just blanked you.

You owe her a reply at least.

Reply 9

Rum Ham

Original post by ANM775

Ignoring the message is way too harsh.

Honestly think how you'd feel if you reached out like that to someone and they just blanked you.

You owe her a reply at least.

Agreed