Loneliness and Not Having a Relationship Finally Taking a Toll on Me

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
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Let me start of this post by saying one thing: I am looking for actual advice and analysis of my situation, not motivation or other garbage that's suppose to make me feel better about myself. I don't care about that stuff whatsoever, so it would be appreciated if you would leave something actually useful below.

So I always took pride in my ability to suppress emotions and not having to deal with motivation, as motivation simply never existed for me in the first place, so I don't have to worry about it. However there's one thing that finally made me crack, and actually feel an uncontrollable sadness, and that is the fact that I've never been in a relationship.

In my life, despite being 17, I've never been in a relationship, nor have I even kissed a girl, held hands with a girl, or even hugged a girl. Even when I told my group of 13-14 year old friends that they were shocked, as even all of them been in a relationship, or even several before. Whenever I sit with some friends and they talk about relationships, I'm simply mind-blown seeing how far they've gotten in relationships while I've never even been in a single one. I usually just sit back and say nothing in those instances. I'd only get involved when someone says something like "don't worry, we'll get you a girlfriend one day", to which I usually just reply with some self-deprecating joke at my own expense. It's simply unheard of, at least in young society in England, not to have been in a relationship by 17.

Whenever I hear people complaining about things like only being in a relationship for a week or something is when I get the most confused. I would do anything just for a week-long relationship. Am I just that far behind?

But it get's worse. I've been recently having dreams about the topic almost every other night. Dreams of me finally getting a girlfriend, or watching the stars with someone. Then I wake up and remember that they are not dreams; they are nightmares, teasing, twisted illusions of things that won't happen.

The thing that's really done it for me recently though is when I was sitting with a group of friends, discussing relationships, crushes, etc. One of my friends, despite her being one of the most friendliest, caring people I know, told me it's really easy to get a relationship, and told me about how she got a friend of hers a boyfriend just by talking to him, and so that she also doesn't sympathies with me despite her kind nature because of that. Ever since that conversation, I can't stop thinking about this, and I have this heavy feeling on my heart like the one you get when you hear about someone you know dying.

So seeing how I don't even know how you are suppose to get into a relationship despite being 17, I'm still far off from fixing this problem, so advice is really needed and welcome. I know barely anything about romantic interaction or even a lot about social interaction in general. Only a few years ago I found out that people can also hug for non-romantic reasons, and I got that when saw the option for a "friendly hug" on The Sims 3 (yes, that's how bad my situation is). And once again, I am looking for ACTUAL advice. Not motivation, not comforting speech, not "it's ok, lot's of people don't have relationships". I don't care about that stuff, and it doesn't help whatsoever.
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jazzie14
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#2
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Are you planning on going to university? If so, that may well be where it all changes for you.Most of my friends were the same as you throughout high school as the girl version - never so much as touched a boy. I would’ve been the same if I hadn’t have moved. But once they all went to university, 2 years on and every single one is in a relationship. It’s just a matter of meeting more people and putting yourself out there and uni is the best place to do that.
Last edited by jazzie14; 2 years ago
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squeakysquirrel
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Let me start of this post by saying one thing: I am looking for actual advice and analysis of my situation, not motivation or other garbage that's suppose to make me feel better about myself. I don't care about that stuff whatsoever, so it would be appreciated if you would leave something actually useful below.

So I always took pride in my ability to suppress emotions and not having to deal with motivation, as motivation simply never existed for me in the first place, so I don't have to worry about it. However there's one thing that finally made me crack, and actually feel an uncontrollable sadness, and that is the fact that I've never been in a relationship.

In my life, despite being 17, I've never been in a relationship, nor have I even kissed a girl, held hands with a girl, or even hugged a girl. Even when I told my group of 13-14 year old friends that they were shocked, as even all of them been in a relationship, or even several before. Whenever I sit with some friends and they talk about relationships, I'm simply mind-blown seeing how far they've gotten in relationships while I've never even been in a single one. I usually just sit back and say nothing in those instances. I'd only get involved when someone says something like "don't worry, we'll get you a girlfriend one day", to which I usually just reply with some self-deprecating joke at my own expense. It's simply unheard of, at least in young society in England, not to have been in a relationship by 17.

Whenever I hear people complaining about things like only being in a relationship for a week or something is when I get the most confused. I would do anything just for a week-long relationship. Am I just that far behind?

But it get's worse. I've been recently having dreams about the topic almost every other night. Dreams of me finally getting a girlfriend, or watching the stars with someone. Then I wake up and remember that they are not dreams; they are nightmares, teasing, twisted illusions of things that won't happen.

The thing that's really done it for me recently though is when I was sitting with a group of friends, discussing relationships, crushes, etc. One of my friends, despite her being one of the most friendliest, caring people I know, told me it's really easy to get a relationship, and told me about how she got a friend of hers a boyfriend just by talking to him, and so that she also doesn't sympathies with me despite her kind nature because of that. Ever since that conversation, I can't stop thinking about this, and I have this heavy feeling on my heart like the one you get when you hear about someone you know dying.

So seeing how I don't even know how you are suppose to get into a relationship despite being 17, I'm still far off from fixing this problem, so advice is really needed and welcome. I know barely anything about romantic interaction or even a lot about social interaction in general. Only a few years ago I found out that people can also hug for non-romantic reasons, and I got that when saw the option for a "friendly hug" on The Sims 3 (yes, that's how bad my situation is). And once again, I am looking for ACTUAL advice. Not motivation, not comforting speech, not "it's ok, lot's of people don't have relationships". I don't care about that stuff, and it doesn't help whatsoever.
It will be difficult not to comfort you are you are clearly sad.

If you were my child I would be asking why a 17 year old is hanging around with a group of 13 - 14 year olds. Talking to them is just asking for a load of hormones to justify life.

Today it seems harder and harder to form relationships the traditional way. My son who is a gregarious chap met several girls on tinder and lovely girls they were.

Why not try that. Or do you have to be 18.

Sitting back and sounding desperate is a real turn off. Also you sound incredibly eloquent - are you slightly autistic. That can be a stumbling block.

You need to put yourself out there. Are you going to university. College? Do a sport. Borrow a dog. Get a job. Take a gap year and travel. Nobody wants to be lonely. Believe it or not, I think there are more lonely people out there than ever before. I blame social media.

Look at your life and grab it by the balls . (Sorry but I want to give you a kick/hug)
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Slowbro93
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As a thought, whenever I read posts like this I always do suggest things to help you work on your self confidence and self esteem. It seems like these two are some fundamental reasons as to why you're finding it so lonely without a relationship. This I find if not dealt with properly could mean even if you get into one, you risk stemming all your happiness into it, which isny healthy.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by squeakysquirrel)
It will be difficult not to comfort you are you are clearly sad.

If you were my child I would be asking why a 17 year old is hanging around with a group of 13 - 14 year olds. Talking to them is just asking for a load of hormones to justify life.

Today it seems harder and harder to form relationships the traditional way. My son who is a gregarious chap met several girls on tinder and lovely girls they were.

Why not try that. Or do you have to be 18.

Sitting back and sounding desperate is a real turn off. Also you sound incredibly eloquent - are you slightly autistic. That can be a stumbling block.

You need to put yourself out there. Are you going to university. College? Do a sport. Borrow a dog. Get a job. Take a gap year and travel. Nobody wants to be lonely. Believe it or not, I think there are more lonely people out there than ever before. I blame social media.

Look at your life and grab it by the balls . (Sorry but I want to give you a kick/hug)
I became friends with that younger group of people several years ago, and because at that time I didn't really hang out in school with people my age, I just naturally became better friends with them.

And yes, Tinder is an 18+ site/app.

Also no, I'm not autistic or have any other form of mental deficiencies or illnesses, and I don't understand how sounding eloquent makes someone sound autistic.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by squeakysquirrel)
And your response is why you are in the position you are in.
What do the two even have in common with each other?
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wolfie_16
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hello, im a 16 year old girl, personally my best recomendation for you would be to go on snapchat and add girls, ive met quite a few nice guys on snapchat that ive started speaking to, but also assuming you go to college because of your age i recomend trying to find a nice girl in your class or join a club you like and meet a nice girl there, I find this is always a good way to meet a potential love interest.
Also even though you dont want to hear it there are plenty of people our age who have never dated anyone, my bestfriend for example has never had a boyfriend.
Anyway I hope I could be of some help, if you ever just want advice on something like this feel free to message me.
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_Nyx_
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17 is incredibly young. I know you don't feel like it is and I know you probably hate to be told that. But I have to let you know that it really means nothing to not have a relationship at that age. It has no reflection on you, asides perhaps that you may be a little more discerning in the girlfriend you choose. Before comparing yourself to others, remember that appearances are often false.

With me, I look normal (to some men, attractive - I'm not really objective enough to judge), I have a good job and my own place. Guess how many partners I've had? One boyfriend. Sure there were some dates,but in reality, I met one man and I am happy with him. I didn't meet him until 2012, when I was 23. The main thing was, I looked for who I wanted and didn't settle for just anyone. Maybe that's what would make you find the one for you?

I do know how you feel. I was lonely at your age, I wanted a partner, I wanted to love someone. I didn't understand why everyone else was dating instead of me. It's not easy to not have that. But with the benefit of experience, I can tell you that chances are, you will find someone and it just takes a bit longer for some people. I realised later that I was a lot more pickier in the boyfriend I wanted than some of the other girls. Not a bad thing.

Sure the majority of people date young, have multiple partners etc. But I have the feeling you're after more quality than quantity and in that case, you're doing just fine. You're looking for the right one. Good job.

Just a little extra thing, it's good you have friends but it may be a good idea to try to make friendships nearer your age - they are more likely to connect you to girls more your age too. Hate to say but it is likely to put off a girl with friends so much younger than yourself. Of course you shouldn't ditch them, but maybe look to meeting more people around 17/18.

Lastly, you don't sound autistic to me. You do sound intelligent, which puts me further on the side that it shouldn't be too long until you find a girlfriend ^^
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Let me start of this post by saying one thing: I am looking for actual advice and analysis of my situation, not motivation or other garbage that's suppose to make me feel better about myself. I don't care about that stuff whatsoever, so it would be appreciated if you would leave something actually useful below.

So I always took pride in my ability to suppress emotions and not having to deal with motivation, as motivation simply never existed for me in the first place, so I don't have to worry about it. However there's one thing that finally made me crack, and actually feel an uncontrollable sadness, and that is the fact that I've never been in a relationship.

In my life, despite being 17, I've never been in a relationship, nor have I even kissed a girl, held hands with a girl, or even hugged a girl. Even when I told my group of 13-14 year old friends that they were shocked, as even all of them been in a relationship, or even several before. Whenever I sit with some friends and they talk about relationships, I'm simply mind-blown seeing how far they've gotten in relationships while I've never even been in a single one. I usually just sit back and say nothing in those instances. I'd only get involved when someone says something like "don't worry, we'll get you a girlfriend one day", to which I usually just reply with some self-deprecating joke at my own expense. It's simply unheard of, at least in young society in England, not to have been in a relationship by 17.

Whenever I hear people complaining about things like only being in a relationship for a week or something is when I get the most confused. I would do anything just for a week-long relationship. Am I just that far behind?

But it get's worse. I've been recently having dreams about the topic almost every other night. Dreams of me finally getting a girlfriend, or watching the stars with someone. Then I wake up and remember that they are not dreams; they are nightmares, teasing, twisted illusions of things that won't happen.

The thing that's really done it for me recently though is when I was sitting with a group of friends, discussing relationships, crushes, etc. One of my friends, despite her being one of the most friendliest, caring people I know, told me it's really easy to get a relationship, and told me about how she got a friend of hers a boyfriend just by talking to him, and so that she also doesn't sympathies with me despite her kind nature because of that. Ever since that conversation, I can't stop thinking about this, and I have this heavy feeling on my heart like the one you get when you hear about someone you know dying.

So seeing how I don't even know how you are suppose to get into a relationship despite being 17, I'm still far off from fixing this problem, so advice is really needed and welcome. I know barely anything about romantic interaction or even a lot about social interaction in general. Only a few years ago I found out that people can also hug for non-romantic reasons, and I got that when saw the option for a "friendly hug" on The Sims 3 (yes, that's how bad my situation is). And once again, I am looking for ACTUAL advice. Not motivation, not comforting speech, not "it's ok, lot's of people don't have relationships". I don't care about that stuff, and it doesn't help whatsoever.
Are you autistic? Your complete lack of social skills isn't normal, no offense.
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hattie0110
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I understand exactly how you feel...im a 17 year old girl as well and i have barely held hands with a boy while all my other friends have been in multiple relationships ever since i met them! It confuses me so much as well :/ it feels rly isolating how some people are super deep into relationships and all ..anyway maybe private message me?
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A level RPP
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Let me start of this post by saying one thing: I am looking for actual advice and analysis of my situation, not motivation or other garbage that's suppose to make me feel better about myself. I don't care about that stuff whatsoever, so it would be appreciated if you would leave something actually useful below.

So I always took pride in my ability to suppress emotions and not having to deal with motivation, as motivation simply never existed for me in the first place, so I don't have to worry about it. However there's one thing that finally made me crack, and actually feel an uncontrollable sadness, and that is the fact that I've never been in a relationship.

In my life, despite being 17, I've never been in a relationship, nor have I even kissed a girl, held hands with a girl, or even hugged a girl. Even when I told my group of 13-14 year old friends that they were shocked, as even all of them been in a relationship, or even several before. Whenever I sit with some friends and they talk about relationships, I'm simply mind-blown seeing how far they've gotten in relationships while I've never even been in a single one. I usually just sit back and say nothing in those instances. I'd only get involved when someone says something like "don't worry, we'll get you a girlfriend one day", to which I usually just reply with some self-deprecating joke at my own expense. It's simply unheard of, at least in young society in England, not to have been in a relationship by 17.

Whenever I hear people complaining about things like only being in a relationship for a week or something is when I get the most confused. I would do anything just for a week-long relationship. Am I just that far behind?

But it get's worse. I've been recently having dreams about the topic almost every other night. Dreams of me finally getting a girlfriend, or watching the stars with someone. Then I wake up and remember that they are not dreams; they are nightmares, teasing, twisted illusions of things that won't happen.

The thing that's really done it for me recently though is when I was sitting with a group of friends, discussing relationships, crushes, etc. One of my friends, despite her being one of the most friendliest, caring people I know, told me it's really easy to get a relationship, and told me about how she got a friend of hers a boyfriend just by talking to him, and so that she also doesn't sympathies with me despite her kind nature because of that. Ever since that conversation, I can't stop thinking about this, and I have this heavy feeling on my heart like the one you get when you hear about someone you know dying.

So seeing how I don't even know how you are suppose to get into a relationship despite being 17, I'm still far off from fixing this problem, so advice is really needed and welcome. I know barely anything about romantic interaction or even a lot about social interaction in general. Only a few years ago I found out that people can also hug for non-romantic reasons, and I got that when saw the option for a "friendly hug" on The Sims 3 (yes, that's how bad my situation is). And once again, I am looking for ACTUAL advice. Not motivation, not comforting speech, not "it's ok, lot's of people don't have relationships". I don't care about that stuff, and it doesn't help whatsoever.
AAre u gay???? I will book up with u
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A level RPP
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(Original post by A level RPP)
AAre u gay???? I will book up with u
Hook up
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ciel.)
Are you autistic? Your complete lack of social skills isn't normal, no offense.
No I'm not autistic. I'm completely mentally sane/healthy, I'm just a big introvert.
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Anonymous #2
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Well, I mean you are just 17, not even at university yet and also have friends... honestly you are not in such a bad position after all. I mean, I would be quite happy to be in a situation like yours, instead I am 20, already at university, never had a girlfriend (kiss, hold hands, etc.) and have no friends at all. People without social anxiety and similar problems really aren't able to appreciate what they have. You should probably live my life for a day or two to truly understand...
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Baza2002
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I'm in the same position - a 16 year old male in college who's never been in a relationship. I'm in a slightly worse position than you though as I have only 5 male friends, 3 of which aren't the same age as me and don't go to my college. I don't even have any female friends that are in my college. I only have 1 female friend who is 4 years older than me and we only message each other on Facebook every few weeks.
I feel the same as you. I don't have any.advice for you.

Another day has gone, and I'm still all alone. (first part of you are not alone by michael jackson)
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Adz2042
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I find it hard to tell friends about my situation of being single and feeling like I miss out.
Everytime I head to Birmingham on a weekend, and just seeing the teenagers in their relationships, and a part of me wonders what on earth they said to date the girl they are with.
The other part of me is happy for them, but at the same time sad, because when they hit 18 / university years, those relationships will end.
Wolfie 16 has a good idea with Snapchat, or even Instagram.
Hitting the gym as well is another thing and doing some form of sport in a club to meet more people.
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Anonymous #3
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oh c'mon you're 17, plenty of time for that in the future. it'd be different if you were over 25 but you're still just a kid, plenty of people your age haven't had a relationship

...was that advice? i'm too stupid to know
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Slowbro93)
As a thought, whenever I read posts like this I always do suggest things to help you work on your self confidence and self esteem. It seems like these two are some fundamental reasons as to why you're finding it so lonely without a relationship. This I find if not dealt with properly could mean even if you get into one, you risk stemming all your happiness into it, which isny healthy.
Like I said, stuff like that doesn't really affect me, so it really isn't an issue.
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Dunnig Kruger
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"I am looking for actual advice and analysis of my situation,...
In my life, despite being 17"

Here's all the analysis that you need:

You are 17!

You are 17. You are not 37.
The biggest reason, by far, for you not having had a relationship is that you are 17.


Do not take anything that any of your friends say about relationships seriously. They are aged 13 to 18. They know nothing. They think they know everything, but they know nothing (Jon Snow).
My actual advice: you are making an issue of a non issue. You haven't even left home and you're worried that you haven't had a relationship yet?!!
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Anonymous #4
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Just be yourself, bro
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