Every morning I weigh myself and then calculate my BMI. Over the summer, I became underweight and my BMI reached 17.8 from restricting what I ate because I have bad body image. Then after a while I decided to try and recover and eat more healthily. But now my BMI has reached 20 and I feel awful. I just want my BMI to be below 18.5 again even though restriction is a miserable process. It is just a miserable cycle I am stuck in. Every time I reach this weight I feel like I've had enough and need to lose weight again. I feel so fat.
My diet isn't perfect and I get cravings for comfort foods like chocolate and biscuits, but I don't binge. I'm fairly active, I do 3 x 5k runs per week and do yoga. Just how can I be happy at a healthy weight when my mind keeps saying I have to be underweight, but then even that's miserable