Help Me Improve This Paragraph!!!

use "self-deprecating" and "self-deprecation" instead of "self-depreciating" and "self-depreciation"

Thanks my brain having a system error rn

(1) In Shakespeare’s“Hamlet” Shakespeare uses self-depreciation diction to describe Hamlet’s self disgust.

(1) is your statement or point. Each section - or paragraph must begin with a key statement like what I have highlighted above. Remember that this key statement describes what the paragraph/section is going to be about.

(2) “Yet I, a dull and muddy-mettled rascal, peak like John a dreams, unpregnant of my cause,”

Now I do not know Hamlet well, it is a while since I read it. (2) is your quote. The purpose of the quote is to provide proof for the statement. Your statement is the point you want to make, your quote is proof that your point is right.

(3) Hamlet uses the metaphor of an “unpregnant” woman to reflect his lack of resolve; in the Elizabethan context. A married woman’s main role to provide and nurture children for their husband. Hamlet could be using this comparison to liken to his lack of action therefore show his disgust towards his apprehension. However, an alternate interpretation regarding the use of the metaphor of a woman could be a reiteration of his previously shown misogynistic nature. Using women as a low standard for comparison suggests Hamlet’s hate for women, and likely his fury towards Gertrude. Therefore, self-disgust is shown through Hamlet’s self-degradation.

(3). Is your argument. It is where you demonstrate why (2) proves (1). Here is the main weakness in your section. This is essentially assertion. For example the use of the word “unpregnant” you believe proves deprecation in Hamlet. But how does the use of that word do that, i.e. how does this word demonstrate depreciation. What is there in the meaning of the word that could show that.

The examiner will not have missed you change of argument. Your statement stated that you are going to examine depreciation. But in your argument you are now talking about lack of resolve. The point is not wrong, but it should be a separate section in its own right. Looking at your argument it is full of unsubstantiated assertions. E.g.

(a) A married woman’s main role to provide and nurture children for their husband.
(b) Hamlet could be using this comparison to liken to his lack of action therefore show his disgust towards his apprehension. However, an alternate interpretation regarding the use of the metaphor of a woman could be a reiteration of his previously shown misogynistic nature.

Although (b) attempts to elaborate (a) they are just assertion. Where is your source for idea (a). Where is that point in the play? In addition you cannot just say “Hamlet could be using this comparison to liken to his lack of action therefore show his disgust towards his apprehension.” That is your opinion. Section 3 is all about argument supported by evidence from the text.

Using women as a low standard for comparison suggests Hamlet’s hate for women, and likely his fury towards Gertrude.
Again you are either changing the subject to you have not addressed why this point demonstrates depreciation.

Therefore, self-disgust is shown through Hamlet’s self-degradation.
This is your point summary, but in the paragraph you have not made your point.

Although my booklet linked below is aimed at the Scottish system, it describes in detail how to write a critical essay. I will leave the link open for a couple of days. It might help you understand how to write a critical essay.
https://www.transferbigfiles.com/11929f85-e409-4b01-bcf6-98a725cc1b4a/PKo7B8mwIOBxKZrmQSbZqg2