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Can a depressed person succeed?
I have suffered from depression for most of my teen years. I grew up oblivious to my parents' predicament, but shortly after moving abroad to my country of origin (aged 11), I realised that there are many numerous underlying problems within my family. As a result, I have suffered depression within my household; my mum suffers from it too, and my dad is a violent person.
Although I am 18, he beat me up with a shoe on Friday in a fit of rage... I was rude to my mother, true, and I shouldn't have been because she is crazy herself. But, she can be so horrible to me (and says awful things), so I lose my temper and snap at her. I don't think it's any excuse for the bruises all over my body though.
Because everything is so complex, I cannot talk to anyone about what I am going through - I put on a front in school. Even then, though, I am timid and somehow just 'get by' socially. And I comfort eat to make myself feel better, which is why I'm overweight. Clearly, attractiveness isn't even an issue for me because I lack so much confidence. And, obviously, I've had no experience at all with the opposite sex.
My thread's main focus, though, is my depression and how I can still succeed academically. I always thought I was fairly intelligent, but because I'm always so fed up and lacking any motivation (I'm constantly put down in my household anyway), I never do any work. My parents are awful about it though and say I've got absolutely no right to blame them, and it's easy to place the blame on others.
Although I feel it is certainly partly their fault - they never encourage me - I refrain from saying it. When I did though, they said I did nothing that deserved encouragement (which, I guess, is true). They do pay for everything, however, but they cannot expect money to substitute their lack of normal parenting. Despite this, my saving grace is therefore university in September.
My problem is that I highly doubt I'll get in. I have no motivation to work at all, and I am alongside very brainy students. Thus far, I've been getting Es and Us so I'm a hopeless case. I don't know if there is any way at all to turn around and suddenly do some work and get As. Anyone got any tips at all to help me through this time, and motivation? TSR people seem quite knowledgeable, and I'd rather talk to fellow students than call up some chatline. Thanks for reading this long post, and any responses.
Although I am 18, he beat me up with a shoe on Friday in a fit of rage... I was rude to my mother, true, and I shouldn't have been because she is crazy herself. But, she can be so horrible to me (and says awful things), so I lose my temper and snap at her. I don't think it's any excuse for the bruises all over my body though.
Because everything is so complex, I cannot talk to anyone about what I am going through - I put on a front in school. Even then, though, I am timid and somehow just 'get by' socially. And I comfort eat to make myself feel better, which is why I'm overweight. Clearly, attractiveness isn't even an issue for me because I lack so much confidence. And, obviously, I've had no experience at all with the opposite sex.
My thread's main focus, though, is my depression and how I can still succeed academically. I always thought I was fairly intelligent, but because I'm always so fed up and lacking any motivation (I'm constantly put down in my household anyway), I never do any work. My parents are awful about it though and say I've got absolutely no right to blame them, and it's easy to place the blame on others.
Although I feel it is certainly partly their fault - they never encourage me - I refrain from saying it. When I did though, they said I did nothing that deserved encouragement (which, I guess, is true). They do pay for everything, however, but they cannot expect money to substitute their lack of normal parenting. Despite this, my saving grace is therefore university in September.
My problem is that I highly doubt I'll get in. I have no motivation to work at all, and I am alongside very brainy students. Thus far, I've been getting Es and Us so I'm a hopeless case. I don't know if there is any way at all to turn around and suddenly do some work and get As. Anyone got any tips at all to help me through this time, and motivation? TSR people seem quite knowledgeable, and I'd rather talk to fellow students than call up some chatline. Thanks for reading this long post, and any responses.
Reply 1
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I'd feel stupid just saying 'you might as well get on with it', because it can't be that easy for you. But, you've got a good 3-4 weeks in which you can do some work, at least. Please do some - you'll regret wasting away your summer exams if you don't. It's easy to lose focus and forget why you're working, or wonder why you're bothering.
If you don't understand anything, you can get satisfaction from spending an hour or two really trying to understand it. Snacking on chocolate too always helped me, hehe! Try and forget those around you, what you've been through - and work for yourself. I can't think of many study tips though I'm sure other members here could add some... right now, I think that's what you need.
If you don't understand anything, you can get satisfaction from spending an hour or two really trying to understand it. Snacking on chocolate too always helped me, hehe! Try and forget those around you, what you've been through - and work for yourself. I can't think of many study tips though I'm sure other members here could add some... right now, I think that's what you need.
Reply 2
Don't worry about the weight and dating issues for now. Those things can be dealt with later, when you're out of your parents' grip.
I'm going through similar stuff myself, and I'm trying to focus on uni (as you rightly identified work as the main focus of your thread).
It's hard though, trying to work to get out of the situation when it's the last thing you want to do.
Maybe try to literally just focus on work. A friend of mine went through some problems with anorexia and bulimia, but to try to shift his attention etc he spent most of his time cooped up in his room working. I wouldn't generally advocate the behaviour of somebody with issues such as anorexia and bulimia, but this one worked out surprisingly positively.
Try to maybe draw up loads of really specific revision/work timetables, so that every moment of your day is accounted for. Be really specific so you can't say I'll do some English now for a few hours, but say I will do one hour of memorising quotes for my english synoptic unit etc.
I'm going through similar stuff myself, and I'm trying to focus on uni (as you rightly identified work as the main focus of your thread).
It's hard though, trying to work to get out of the situation when it's the last thing you want to do.
Maybe try to literally just focus on work. A friend of mine went through some problems with anorexia and bulimia, but to try to shift his attention etc he spent most of his time cooped up in his room working. I wouldn't generally advocate the behaviour of somebody with issues such as anorexia and bulimia, but this one worked out surprisingly positively.
Try to maybe draw up loads of really specific revision/work timetables, so that every moment of your day is accounted for. Be really specific so you can't say I'll do some English now for a few hours, but say I will do one hour of memorising quotes for my english synoptic unit etc.
Reply 3
I know how you feel in one way.
My parents never gave me any drive to want to study, which is why i left school in year 10. I was bullied at school and although i loved studying i tried to act the big clown to impress other people, so my studies dropped. I was also and still am timid around people although i am learning to break out of it.
I turned to drink and had been drinking every other day since the age of 17, only a can or two, but thats not the point. I also suffer with sometimes very bad anxiety that can cause big problems in life; to the extent of walking out of jobs.
The only thing that drives me is the finish line. Well i havn't got a finish line because i have got plans to do a P.HD when i finish my degree, but just to get into university and get a degree is a goal in itself for me.
My family was hard up on cash. My dad lived on the social because he couldn't afford to work (i know people see this as an excuse but in this case it wasn't).
I think my advice is this. Make it your goal to finish university and get that well paid job you would love to do for the most part of your life. That way you can leave your family, move into your own home and enjoy yourself. It will also boost your confidence and stuff.
Even if you fail this year, go back, do it all again. You have some time, so knuckle down. I sit up till 3am getting work done sometimes because it has to be done.
My parents never gave me any drive to want to study, which is why i left school in year 10. I was bullied at school and although i loved studying i tried to act the big clown to impress other people, so my studies dropped. I was also and still am timid around people although i am learning to break out of it.
I turned to drink and had been drinking every other day since the age of 17, only a can or two, but thats not the point. I also suffer with sometimes very bad anxiety that can cause big problems in life; to the extent of walking out of jobs.
The only thing that drives me is the finish line. Well i havn't got a finish line because i have got plans to do a P.HD when i finish my degree, but just to get into university and get a degree is a goal in itself for me.
My family was hard up on cash. My dad lived on the social because he couldn't afford to work (i know people see this as an excuse but in this case it wasn't).
I think my advice is this. Make it your goal to finish university and get that well paid job you would love to do for the most part of your life. That way you can leave your family, move into your own home and enjoy yourself. It will also boost your confidence and stuff.
Even if you fail this year, go back, do it all again. You have some time, so knuckle down. I sit up till 3am getting work done sometimes because it has to be done.
Reply 4
If you're a crammer, this situation could work out positively for you - as a challenge. Whenever you're sat down, just make sure you're working - whatever it is! It'll all help.
Reply 5
11
I'm sorry your home life is so horrible.
In answer to your question; yes, definitely.
It's hard to give advice really cause I dont know how you're thinking. Are you just whirling your family situation round your head over and over? Trying to work out reasons and attribute blame doesn't work, it'll just depress you more, because you can't change things. I think you need to accept it and understand that its not your fault. Don't let it define you, which is what you're doing now. You are a person who just happens to have ridiculous parents. You dont subsequently have to be ridiculous yourself. Its understandable that you're not happy now. But you will be when your parents are no longer the centre of your world and you make an effort to start again at uni.
Anyway, I think you need to just try and put your parents to the back of your mind and sit down and learn something. Once you start revising you'll probably realise how much more you need to do and feel a bit more motivated, but even if you dont feel motivated, you have to keep working.
Good luck.
In answer to your question; yes, definitely.
It's hard to give advice really cause I dont know how you're thinking. Are you just whirling your family situation round your head over and over? Trying to work out reasons and attribute blame doesn't work, it'll just depress you more, because you can't change things. I think you need to accept it and understand that its not your fault. Don't let it define you, which is what you're doing now. You are a person who just happens to have ridiculous parents. You dont subsequently have to be ridiculous yourself. Its understandable that you're not happy now. But you will be when your parents are no longer the centre of your world and you make an effort to start again at uni.
Anyway, I think you need to just try and put your parents to the back of your mind and sit down and learn something. Once you start revising you'll probably realise how much more you need to do and feel a bit more motivated, but even if you dont feel motivated, you have to keep working.
Good luck.
Reply 6
I'm just so upset all the time, about everything. I know it's pathetic just mulling over situations. I will try to work in the months of May/June, but I'm worried it won't help at all. Obviously, I'm sure that's far from the truth as I've heard of successes in the past - yet I keep making comparisons, and am so demotivated. 
Reply 7
turst me, every greatist person is psycho
Reply 8
Lol. Well, I know of many very strange people who are clever in my college, but they're just annoying. I'm the true psycho it seems, but thanks for that anyway.
Reply 9
I agree with cascadingztylez education is very important, that's what will get you away from your family and out into the world where you will meet more people and become more confident. This may eventually break your cycle of depression. I know life is hard now but try to think positively and work hard in these next few weeks, just think of it like this, only 3-4 weeks left and then exams are over, you can try to have fun in the summer then you can live in uni away from the lifestyle you're being subjected to at home. Education will get you everywhere, a career and a new life, if you slack on that then you will go into a downward spiral and remain depressed! Break that cycle and work hard, that's the only thing you can do and then there will be your first steps to having a much better life!
Reply 10
Op im sorry to hear about your home life i know how it feels to have generally unloving awful parents who constantly put down me & the siblings Couldn't you turn how your parents treat you as motivation? Next time if you don't have the energy to work & are feeling too low, just think that in the long run this will make you a lot happier, and you will finally be away from them. I hope you do well 
feel free pm me if you want someone to talk to.
i know how it feels to have generally unloving awful parents who constantly put down me & the siblings Couldn't you turn how your parents treat you as motivation? Next time if you don't have the energy to work & are feeling too low, just think that in the long run this will make you a lot happier, and you will finally be away from them. I hope you do well feel free pm me if you want someone to talk to.Reply 11
First of all, sorry to hear what you are going through. It's not easy having an unsettled home life.
Secondly, as someone who has been a long term sufferer of depression and an anxiety disorder, I'd like to think that I'm living proof that a depressed person can "succeed."
(Part of the complicated bit is defining what "success" is, but for the sake of argument let's say that success is what Auntie Hyacinth would define as success - getting a good degree in a tough subject from a respectable university before getting a job that allows Auntie Hyacinth to boast to her chums about what a talented fellow her niece/nephew is but that s/he always stays true to his/her routes and never forgets his/her Auntie Hyacinth and regularly pops round for tea.)
In a nutshell, I overcame the barriers that depression and anxiety threw up (including going on some very nasty medication that led to self-harming and a frighteningly close call to topping myself) to end up on the civil service fast stream and having learnt a whole series of new talents that I thought I never had within me.
There are a whole series of things to consider to help (all of) you deal with depression.
The first is to allow yourself to define what "success" means. (i.e. not something that the Auntie Hyacinth's of this world will be familiar with.) This was something I made very clear to both my parents when they realised that although I had come out of a respected university with a good degree in a tough subject, I was also a mess - devoid of friends, finances and a future.
Although I'm still angry to this day about what happened at college and university, I wanted to move to a situation where I was not blaming other people for my situation. (By blaming others you relinquish your ability to influence and improve your situation.)
Secondly, there is no rule book that says people must go to university straight after the sixth form. My younger brother messed up his A-Levels but took a year out, grew up, resat and shone when he got to university. Since then he's made a name for himself in his field of work.
Finally, get support. Don't suffer in silence. Talk to your GP to see what help is out there that you can access for free. Find out what has worked for others people out there.
Dealing with it isn't easy. Depression can be controlled and can be overcome. How this is done will be different from person to person. The problem is that this involves trying new things - things that in the short term will make you feel uncomfortable. This may be in the form of exercise - swimming, going to the gym, team games, classes. It may be in the form of volunteering. It may be in the form of other activities.
There is one thing I can guarantee: Change won't come from doing nothing. If you want to change something it involves an action - and people. I always say to myself that I can never predict the impact that other people will have on me - which is why whenever I get down I make sure that I put myself in a situation where I'm likely to meet people as they tend to have a positive effect on me.
Good luck!
Secondly, as someone who has been a long term sufferer of depression and an anxiety disorder, I'd like to think that I'm living proof that a depressed person can "succeed."
(Part of the complicated bit is defining what "success" is, but for the sake of argument let's say that success is what Auntie Hyacinth would define as success - getting a good degree in a tough subject from a respectable university before getting a job that allows Auntie Hyacinth to boast to her chums about what a talented fellow her niece/nephew is but that s/he always stays true to his/her routes and never forgets his/her Auntie Hyacinth and regularly pops round for tea.)
In a nutshell, I overcame the barriers that depression and anxiety threw up (including going on some very nasty medication that led to self-harming and a frighteningly close call to topping myself) to end up on the civil service fast stream and having learnt a whole series of new talents that I thought I never had within me.
There are a whole series of things to consider to help (all of) you deal with depression.
The first is to allow yourself to define what "success" means. (i.e. not something that the Auntie Hyacinth's of this world will be familiar with.) This was something I made very clear to both my parents when they realised that although I had come out of a respected university with a good degree in a tough subject, I was also a mess - devoid of friends, finances and a future.
Although I'm still angry to this day about what happened at college and university, I wanted to move to a situation where I was not blaming other people for my situation. (By blaming others you relinquish your ability to influence and improve your situation.)
Secondly, there is no rule book that says people must go to university straight after the sixth form. My younger brother messed up his A-Levels but took a year out, grew up, resat and shone when he got to university. Since then he's made a name for himself in his field of work.
Finally, get support. Don't suffer in silence. Talk to your GP to see what help is out there that you can access for free. Find out what has worked for others people out there.
Dealing with it isn't easy. Depression can be controlled and can be overcome. How this is done will be different from person to person. The problem is that this involves trying new things - things that in the short term will make you feel uncomfortable. This may be in the form of exercise - swimming, going to the gym, team games, classes. It may be in the form of volunteering. It may be in the form of other activities.
There is one thing I can guarantee: Change won't come from doing nothing. If you want to change something it involves an action - and people. I always say to myself that I can never predict the impact that other people will have on me - which is why whenever I get down I make sure that I put myself in a situation where I'm likely to meet people as they tend to have a positive effect on me.
Good luck!
Reply 12
Hi I really feel for you and want to talk to you cos I am pretty much going through the same, except that I got through my studies n degree but right now Im unemployed.
My parents are similar to yours not violent but in the sense that yes they suffer from depression and that reflects on the way they behave with me. I have never felt encouraged by them.
Would you like to talk about share things in private? Feel free to pm me....
My parents are similar to yours not violent but in the sense that yes they suffer from depression and that reflects on the way they behave with me. I have never felt encouraged by them.
Would you like to talk about share things in private? Feel free to pm me....
Reply 13
Thanks for all the support. What makes it worse that through all this my parents have the nerve to tell me to 'get on with work', when clearly I'm not in a state of mind to do it. And my mum especially tries to make it seem as if I fully deserve what I get, like a true victim of abuse. I refuse to stand for that though. However, what is bad is that I just spend most of my time sitting around depressed and mulling over situations. And I don't think that's helping.
Reply 14
It's been 5 days, and I'm in the exact same situation. Is there any way to shock me into doing something?
Reply 15
hmm firstly I will say yes, I'd say I was 'successful' academically in school despite depression...but then again I also know what you mean about it affecting you...I know my 2nd year of A levels and my uni applications and choices were a bit crappier than I'd have hoped probably due to mental health probs.
to be honest all I can say is that there are more important things. I pushed myself through year 13 and still excelled despite falling behind a little on previous years, but I really payed the price health wise. If you ever need to take time out or delay exams that's far more important imo.
I understand that it's easy to blame parents, and you shouldn't feel bad about it - if you think getting out in Sept is going to do you good then go for it, even use that as motivation to work for your exams.
xx
to be honest all I can say is that there are more important things. I pushed myself through year 13 and still excelled despite falling behind a little on previous years, but I really payed the price health wise. If you ever need to take time out or delay exams that's far more important imo.
I understand that it's easy to blame parents, and you shouldn't feel bad about it - if you think getting out in Sept is going to do you good then go for it, even use that as motivation to work for your exams.
xx
Reply 16
Excuses
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I'd feel stupid just saying 'you might as well get on with it', because it can't be that easy for you. But, you've got a good 3-4 weeks in which you can do some work, at least. Please do some - you'll regret wasting away your summer exams if you don't. It's easy to lose focus and forget why you're working, or wonder why you're bothering.
If you don't understand anything, you can get satisfaction from spending an hour or two really trying to understand it. Snacking on chocolate too always helped me, hehe! Try and forget those around you, what you've been through - and work for yourself. I can't think of many study tips though I'm sure other members here could add some... right now, I think that's what you need.
If you don't understand anything, you can get satisfaction from spending an hour or two really trying to understand it. Snacking on chocolate too always helped me, hehe! Try and forget those around you, what you've been through - and work for yourself. I can't think of many study tips though I'm sure other members here could add some... right now, I think that's what you need.
I reiterate what I said last time. It must be so easy to just lose sight of what you're meant to be doing and sit around doing nothing: honestly, I did that too. Try and forget about past experiences, academic or not, and just focus on doing well this summer. You can only do that if you at least put some work in.
Remember, it's better to have done some work than none at all... and that will make a difference, no matter how you may be feeling right now. Good luck.
Reply 17
Anonymous
I have suffered from depression for most of my teen years. I grew up oblivious to my parents' predicament, but shortly after moving abroad to my country of origin (aged 11), I realised that there are many numerous underlying problems within my family. As a result, I have suffered depression within my household; my mum suffers from it too, and my dad is a violent person.
Although I am 18, he beat me up with a shoe on Friday in a fit of rage... I was rude to my mother, true, and I shouldn't have been because she is crazy herself. But, she can be so horrible to me (and says awful things), so I lose my temper and snap at her. I don't think it's any excuse for the bruises all over my body though.
Because everything is so complex, I cannot talk to anyone about what I am going through - I put on a front in school. Even then, though, I am timid and somehow just 'get by' socially. And I comfort eat to make myself feel better, which is why I'm overweight. Clearly, attractiveness isn't even an issue for me because I lack so much confidence. And, obviously, I've had no experience at all with the opposite sex.
My thread's main focus, though, is my depression and how I can still succeed academically. I always thought I was fairly intelligent, but because I'm always so fed up and lacking any motivation (I'm constantly put down in my household anyway), I never do any work. My parents are awful about it though and say I've got absolutely no right to blame them, and it's easy to place the blame on others.
Although I feel it is certainly partly their fault - they never encourage me - I refrain from saying it. When I did though, they said I did nothing that deserved encouragement (which, I guess, is true). They do pay for everything, however, but they cannot expect money to substitute their lack of normal parenting. Despite this, my saving grace is therefore university in September.
My problem is that I highly doubt I'll get in. I have no motivation to work at all, and I am alongside very brainy students. Thus far, I've been getting Es and Us so I'm a hopeless case. I don't know if there is any way at all to turn around and suddenly do some work and get As. Anyone got any tips at all to help me through this time, and motivation? TSR people seem quite knowledgeable, and I'd rather talk to fellow students than call up some chatline. Thanks for reading this long post, and any responses.
Although I am 18, he beat me up with a shoe on Friday in a fit of rage... I was rude to my mother, true, and I shouldn't have been because she is crazy herself. But, she can be so horrible to me (and says awful things), so I lose my temper and snap at her. I don't think it's any excuse for the bruises all over my body though.
Because everything is so complex, I cannot talk to anyone about what I am going through - I put on a front in school. Even then, though, I am timid and somehow just 'get by' socially. And I comfort eat to make myself feel better, which is why I'm overweight. Clearly, attractiveness isn't even an issue for me because I lack so much confidence. And, obviously, I've had no experience at all with the opposite sex.
My thread's main focus, though, is my depression and how I can still succeed academically. I always thought I was fairly intelligent, but because I'm always so fed up and lacking any motivation (I'm constantly put down in my household anyway), I never do any work. My parents are awful about it though and say I've got absolutely no right to blame them, and it's easy to place the blame on others.
Although I feel it is certainly partly their fault - they never encourage me - I refrain from saying it. When I did though, they said I did nothing that deserved encouragement (which, I guess, is true). They do pay for everything, however, but they cannot expect money to substitute their lack of normal parenting. Despite this, my saving grace is therefore university in September.
My problem is that I highly doubt I'll get in. I have no motivation to work at all, and I am alongside very brainy students. Thus far, I've been getting Es and Us so I'm a hopeless case. I don't know if there is any way at all to turn around and suddenly do some work and get As. Anyone got any tips at all to help me through this time, and motivation? TSR people seem quite knowledgeable, and I'd rather talk to fellow students than call up some chatline. Thanks for reading this long post, and any responses.
I asked myself this exact same question not long before I began GCSEs. My parents are divorced, and I had suffered abuse from my parents who had anger problems. I won't go into it because it will take forever, but I did start to doubt myself. Instead of thinking of it as something getting in the way of reaching your goals, think of it as something that gives you a reason for working hard. For example, your abusive past could be seen it two ways
a) I can't do well academically because I am in pain from this
or
b) I am in pain from this and will try to pick myself back up again and make a fresh start. I need to get good grades to compensate for my lack of family life
Hope this helps
If you need to talk more, just email
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