IMD 2018: Male Domestic Abuse
As it is International Men's Day tomorrow, I thought I would make a thread about any male members who have or are suffering from Domestic Abuse or abuse within a relationship, from someone who has. I believe it is an important topic to do discuss especially as it can be hard for men to talk about and tell anyone.
NOTE: This is not a thread to debate the existence of International Men's Day, so please stay on topic.
According to the Office of National Statistics (ONS), last year there were 713,000 reported cases of men aged 16-59 being the victims of domestic abuse. I believe this figure to be even higher for all the unreported cases.
Now, how do you spot the signs of abuse? Remember just because you are a man, does not mean you can't be abused by a woman. I will just list a few things that looking back I noticed.
1. It does not have to be physical. Abuse does not have to be physical, and this is likely my most important point. If you're girlfriend.fiancee/wife hits you, that is abuse - just like it would be if you hit her (even if its just the once!)
2. She makes threats against you, and do things that scare you. This could be a early warning sign for a unhealthy relationship you need to get out of.
3. She makes you feel guilty and you're scared to behave in a certain way, or say certain things as you're scared how she'll react.
4. She says things to trap you the relationship. If you ever feel trapped inside a relationship by a partner , it isnt healthy and you need to get out.
5. She looks through your social media and gets angry if you've talked to friends who are girls, even if they are also mutual!
Remember, it is important to get out of any abusive relationship, and you are not alone. I know as a male who has suffered it, it can feel like it and there is no support out there, simply because you are a man, but there is.
If you are going through it currently:
Who you can contact
Men's Advice Line: A charity to support male victims of Domestic Abuse. You can free call them on 0808 801 0327. They also have an online webchat service. You can visit there website here: http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/
Victim Support who you contact free on 0808 1689 or visit there website at:: https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/
NOTE: This is not a thread to debate the existence of International Men's Day, so please stay on topic.
According to the Office of National Statistics (ONS), last year there were 713,000 reported cases of men aged 16-59 being the victims of domestic abuse. I believe this figure to be even higher for all the unreported cases.
Now, how do you spot the signs of abuse? Remember just because you are a man, does not mean you can't be abused by a woman. I will just list a few things that looking back I noticed.
1. It does not have to be physical. Abuse does not have to be physical, and this is likely my most important point. If you're girlfriend.fiancee/wife hits you, that is abuse - just like it would be if you hit her (even if its just the once!)
2. She makes threats against you, and do things that scare you. This could be a early warning sign for a unhealthy relationship you need to get out of.
3. She makes you feel guilty and you're scared to behave in a certain way, or say certain things as you're scared how she'll react.
4. She says things to trap you the relationship. If you ever feel trapped inside a relationship by a partner , it isnt healthy and you need to get out.
5. She looks through your social media and gets angry if you've talked to friends who are girls, even if they are also mutual!
Remember, it is important to get out of any abusive relationship, and you are not alone. I know as a male who has suffered it, it can feel like it and there is no support out there, simply because you are a man, but there is.
If you are going through it currently:
1.
Tell someone you can trust, whether thats a family member, friend, colleague etc
2.
Report it to the police
3.
Keep a recorded dairy of all incidents if you can
4.
Keep any ID safe , such as a passport, driving licence
5.
Ensure your phone is charged and topped up etc at all times
6.
DO NOT retaliate. If you retaliate you could cause her to have injuries, and she could easily claim you are the abuser, and you'll be the one who ends up arrested and charged etc
Who you can contact
Men's Advice Line: A charity to support male victims of Domestic Abuse. You can free call them on 0808 801 0327. They also have an online webchat service. You can visit there website here: http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/
Victim Support who you contact free on 0808 1689 or visit there website at:: https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/
(edited 5 years ago)
Depending on the country men account for around 40-55% of victims, people still joke about men being victims and if you include certain types of domestic abuse such as financial control and controlling behaviour, many things are completely normalised.
Personally I was shocked with how I was treated after an incident with an ex, she hit me so hard that she broke her own wrist. In the A&E posters were everywhere highlighting domestic abuse, however all feature cowering women, women with black eyes, men with clenched fists, language describing women as victims and men as aggressors. Out of all the posters there was not a single example of a man being a victim, there wasn't even an example of Gender Neutral language on any of the posters.
Suffice to say I was taken into a side room, where despite the bruise on my cheek slowly forming, I was accused by the staff of breaking my partners wrist intentionally and was only allowed to stay as she had insisted she had fallen down the stair and broken her wrist by falling on it funny....
Suffice to say I've always had a grim view of Male support concerning Domestic abuse since and while studying domestic abuse at university (I did sociology) it was sickening the lack of support that was out there!
Personally I was shocked with how I was treated after an incident with an ex, she hit me so hard that she broke her own wrist. In the A&E posters were everywhere highlighting domestic abuse, however all feature cowering women, women with black eyes, men with clenched fists, language describing women as victims and men as aggressors. Out of all the posters there was not a single example of a man being a victim, there wasn't even an example of Gender Neutral language on any of the posters.
Suffice to say I was taken into a side room, where despite the bruise on my cheek slowly forming, I was accused by the staff of breaking my partners wrist intentionally and was only allowed to stay as she had insisted she had fallen down the stair and broken her wrist by falling on it funny....
Suffice to say I've always had a grim view of Male support concerning Domestic abuse since and while studying domestic abuse at university (I did sociology) it was sickening the lack of support that was out there!
Original post by DanB1991
Depending on the country men account for around 40-55% of victims, people still joke about men being victims and if you include certain types of domestic abuse such as financial control and controlling behaviour, many things are completely normalised.
Personally I was shocked with how I was treated after an incident with an ex, she hit me so hard that she broke her own wrist. In the A&E posters were everywhere highlighting domestic abuse, however all feature cowering women, women with black eyes, men with clenched fists, language describing women as victims and men as aggressors. Out of all the posters there was not a single example of a man being a victim, there wasn't even an example of Gender Neutral language on any of the posters.
Suffice to say I was taken into a side room, where despite the bruise on my cheek slowly forming, I was accused by the staff of breaking my partners wrist intentionally and was only allowed to stay as she had insisted she had fallen down the stair and broken her wrist by falling on it funny....
Suffice to say I've always had a grim view of Male support concerning Domestic abuse since and while studying domestic abuse at university (I did sociology) it was sickening the lack of support that was out there!
Personally I was shocked with how I was treated after an incident with an ex, she hit me so hard that she broke her own wrist. In the A&E posters were everywhere highlighting domestic abuse, however all feature cowering women, women with black eyes, men with clenched fists, language describing women as victims and men as aggressors. Out of all the posters there was not a single example of a man being a victim, there wasn't even an example of Gender Neutral language on any of the posters.
Suffice to say I was taken into a side room, where despite the bruise on my cheek slowly forming, I was accused by the staff of breaking my partners wrist intentionally and was only allowed to stay as she had insisted she had fallen down the stair and broken her wrist by falling on it funny....
Suffice to say I've always had a grim view of Male support concerning Domestic abuse since and while studying domestic abuse at university (I did sociology) it was sickening the lack of support that was out there!
Aww god thats awful
Sorry that happened to you. At least she had the decency to say it wasn't you but thats not the point. The fact you had been accused of it because you are male, in my view is a sexist accusation against you. My ex gf hit me twice, lucky enough not to injure me clearly each time.I also have a grim view of it as well, but there is some suppirt out there. I know it never feels like that though
It needs to be discussed more and and not joked about, If I, you or anyone joked about female domestic abuse, there would be hell to pay, but oh no, as it's men there is a whole 'we can joke about it' attitude.
Im glad you got out of it though
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by DanB1991
she hit me so hard that she broke her own wrist.
Jesus Christ
You an Avenger or something?
Original post by ANM775
Jesus Christ
You an Avenger or something?
You an Avenger or something?
I'm not a good fighter (I box in my spare time and I'm incredibly bad at it), however the one thing going for me is I can take a hit!
Very important issue
I had a friend who had a partner who fit the term "psycho" she was kicked out of her own parents for assaulting them, kicked out of foster homes for assaulting them, signed off work for assaulting customers, banned from doctors for assaulting a doctor.
One time me and 2 other friends went with him to his house for a few drinks, when we got there she smacked him in the face, then picked up a can of lager and tried smacking him with that, choked him then spat at him and picked up a chair and threatened to hit him with it, then went into the kitchen and threatened him and us with a large knife.
She calmed down temporarily when she got pregnant (maybe a hormonal thing) just after the baby was born she went back to her own ways and he walked out but he was banned from seeing his newborn, called a deadbeat dad as he "abandoned" his partner with a newborn despite him wanting custody, the now ex had claimed he had hit her during the relationship so social work refused even supervised access and my friend had a breakdown due to it.
I had an ex who was manipulative, before the days of whatsapp she no joke would send 300-500 messages just on a weekend, asking what I was doing, if I didn't respond instantly i.e if I was in shower, or sleeping she said I was playing with her feelings, or she accused me of cheating, her mum was a nasty bit of work saying I looked like a rapist and wanted to corrupt her innocent daughter, and should she not be home by 7pm each day she would call the police and say I kidnapped and raped her daughter!, the girlfriend liked this attention from her mum, she was cheating on me (not physically) by going onto MSN chats saying either she was single or I was cruel to her, what caused the actual breakup though was she was a whinger from day 1, 800 per month from college, free bus pass, lifts to college and home from parents and her parents didn't charge her rent or food, I had just lost my job and was living off bread, water, pasta literal basics and she in one visit to me, had just eaten a big mac, large fries and drink, large pack of crisps(the share size) and a family sized Haribo, then came to mine and said she was hungry and got extra large chips, cheese and gravy x2 and when I asked for ONE chip she said "no they are mine, get your own" then "you are a man, you are supposed to pay for me, not me for you"
I broke up with her and she tried bursting into tears saying I just wanted her for sex, I was cruel, and how she would tell everyone I cheated on her!!
One time me and 2 other friends went with him to his house for a few drinks, when we got there she smacked him in the face, then picked up a can of lager and tried smacking him with that, choked him then spat at him and picked up a chair and threatened to hit him with it, then went into the kitchen and threatened him and us with a large knife.
She calmed down temporarily when she got pregnant (maybe a hormonal thing) just after the baby was born she went back to her own ways and he walked out but he was banned from seeing his newborn, called a deadbeat dad as he "abandoned" his partner with a newborn despite him wanting custody, the now ex had claimed he had hit her during the relationship so social work refused even supervised access and my friend had a breakdown due to it.
I had an ex who was manipulative, before the days of whatsapp she no joke would send 300-500 messages just on a weekend, asking what I was doing, if I didn't respond instantly i.e if I was in shower, or sleeping she said I was playing with her feelings, or she accused me of cheating, her mum was a nasty bit of work saying I looked like a rapist and wanted to corrupt her innocent daughter, and should she not be home by 7pm each day she would call the police and say I kidnapped and raped her daughter!, the girlfriend liked this attention from her mum, she was cheating on me (not physically) by going onto MSN chats saying either she was single or I was cruel to her, what caused the actual breakup though was she was a whinger from day 1, 800 per month from college, free bus pass, lifts to college and home from parents and her parents didn't charge her rent or food, I had just lost my job and was living off bread, water, pasta literal basics and she in one visit to me, had just eaten a big mac, large fries and drink, large pack of crisps(the share size) and a family sized Haribo, then came to mine and said she was hungry and got extra large chips, cheese and gravy x2 and when I asked for ONE chip she said "no they are mine, get your own" then "you are a man, you are supposed to pay for me, not me for you"
I broke up with her and she tried bursting into tears saying I just wanted her for sex, I was cruel, and how she would tell everyone I cheated on her!!
Original post by drbluebox
I had a friend who had a partner who fit the term "psycho" she was kicked out of her own parents for assaulting them, kicked out of foster homes for assaulting them, signed off work for assaulting customers, banned from doctors for assaulting a doctor.
One time me and 2 other friends went with him to his house for a few drinks, when we got there she smacked him in the face, then picked up a can of lager and tried smacking him with that, choked him then spat at him and picked up a chair and threatened to hit him with it, then went into the kitchen and threatened him and us with a large knife.
She calmed down temporarily when she got pregnant (maybe a hormonal thing) just after the baby was born she went back to her own ways and he walked out but he was banned from seeing his newborn, called a deadbeat dad as he "abandoned" his partner with a newborn despite him wanting custody, the now ex had claimed he had hit her during the relationship so social work refused even supervised access and my friend had a breakdown due to it.
I had an ex who was manipulative, before the days of whatsapp she no joke would send 300-500 messages just on a weekend, asking what I was doing, if I didn't respond instantly i.e if I was in shower, or sleeping she said I was playing with her feelings, or she accused me of cheating, her mum was a nasty bit of work saying I looked like a rapist and wanted to corrupt her innocent daughter, and should she not be home by 7pm each day she would call the police and say I kidnapped and raped her daughter!, the girlfriend liked this attention from her mum, she was cheating on me (not physically) by going onto MSN chats saying either she was single or I was cruel to her, what caused the actual breakup though was she was a whinger from day 1, 800 per month from college, free bus pass, lifts to college and home from parents and her parents didn't charge her rent or food, I had just lost my job and was living off bread, water, pasta literal basics and she in one visit to me, had just eaten a big mac, large fries and drink, large pack of crisps(the share size) and a family sized Haribo, then came to mine and said she was hungry and got extra large chips, cheese and gravy x2 and when I asked for ONE chip she said "no they are mine, get your own" then "you are a man, you are supposed to pay for me, not me for you"
I broke up with her and she tried bursting into tears saying I just wanted her for sex, I was cruel, and how she would tell everyone I cheated on her!!
One time me and 2 other friends went with him to his house for a few drinks, when we got there she smacked him in the face, then picked up a can of lager and tried smacking him with that, choked him then spat at him and picked up a chair and threatened to hit him with it, then went into the kitchen and threatened him and us with a large knife.
She calmed down temporarily when she got pregnant (maybe a hormonal thing) just after the baby was born she went back to her own ways and he walked out but he was banned from seeing his newborn, called a deadbeat dad as he "abandoned" his partner with a newborn despite him wanting custody, the now ex had claimed he had hit her during the relationship so social work refused even supervised access and my friend had a breakdown due to it.
I had an ex who was manipulative, before the days of whatsapp she no joke would send 300-500 messages just on a weekend, asking what I was doing, if I didn't respond instantly i.e if I was in shower, or sleeping she said I was playing with her feelings, or she accused me of cheating, her mum was a nasty bit of work saying I looked like a rapist and wanted to corrupt her innocent daughter, and should she not be home by 7pm each day she would call the police and say I kidnapped and raped her daughter!, the girlfriend liked this attention from her mum, she was cheating on me (not physically) by going onto MSN chats saying either she was single or I was cruel to her, what caused the actual breakup though was she was a whinger from day 1, 800 per month from college, free bus pass, lifts to college and home from parents and her parents didn't charge her rent or food, I had just lost my job and was living off bread, water, pasta literal basics and she in one visit to me, had just eaten a big mac, large fries and drink, large pack of crisps(the share size) and a family sized Haribo, then came to mine and said she was hungry and got extra large chips, cheese and gravy x2 and when I asked for ONE chip she said "no they are mine, get your own" then "you are a man, you are supposed to pay for me, not me for you"
I broke up with her and she tried bursting into tears saying I just wanted her for sex, I was cruel, and how she would tell everyone I cheated on her!!
Oh god thats awful
It clearly happens more than people think :/ I mean one time is too many but yeah
Wow surprised any redhaired trolls haven't been here already lol.
It just isn't right that issues with men are overlooked, as women are supposed victims and want special treatment, IMD shouldn't be needed to bring awareness to this.
good job though
It just isn't right that issues with men are overlooked, as women are supposed victims and want special treatment, IMD shouldn't be needed to bring awareness to this.
good job though
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