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I can only stay with my boyfriend if I do well in my A-levels

My boyfriend is incredibly academic and has applied for Oxford and St Andrews this year. If he receives an offer from St Andrews I think he might likely take it over Oxford.

I, on the other hand, haven't applied at all yet and am struggling with making a degree decision. I visited St Andrews and fell in love with it but my predicted grades are no where near good enough for them to even consider me.

I really love him and don't want our relationship to end because of university. We both agreed an LDR wouldn't work as we both have had experience with that sort of thing so I can't help but feel like our time together is now limited.

Maybe I'm just prolonging my hurt by staying with him when I know its not going to last. I want so much to be optimistic and to enjoy our remaining time together but I feel inadequate and vastly intellectually inferior to him.

It seems right now that it is St Andrews or nothing. Sorry if this all seems dramatic, I'm probably not thinking straight right now. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Do well then?...
You also mentioned IF. Even if he's predicted A*A*A*A*, doesn't mean he'll get a place.
Do you really want a relationship with someone you are expecting to dump/forget you if he moves to a more prestigious/different uni than you?
You don't think it now but believe in yourself and if a LDR does not work out move on and enjoy new opportunities.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Emsio8
My boyfriend is incredibly academic and has applied for Oxford and St Andrews this year. If he receives an offer from St Andrews I think he might likely take it over Oxford.

I, on the other hand, haven't applied at all yet and am struggling with making a degree decision. I visited St Andrews and fell in love with it but my predicted grades are no where near good enough for them to even consider me.

I really love him and don't want our relationship to end because of university. We both agreed an LDR wouldn't work as we both have had experience with that sort of thing so I can't help but feel like our time together is now limited.

Maybe I'm just prolonging my hurt by staying with him when I know its not going to last. I want so much to be optimistic and to enjoy our remaining time together but I feel inadequate and vastly intellectually inferior to him.

It seems right now that it is St Andrews or nothing. Sorry if this all seems dramatic, I'm probably not thinking straight right now. Advice would be greatly appreciated.


Get good A levels for yourself.
Most relationships end, so just enjoy it till the end of the year.
Said this a load of times but do it for urself only. U should be the only reason for ur own motivation.
Original post by Emsio8
My boyfriend is incredibly academic and has applied for Oxford and St Andrews this year. If he receives an offer from St Andrews I think he might likely take it over Oxford.

I, on the other hand, haven't applied at all yet and am struggling with making a degree decision. I visited St Andrews and fell in love with it but my predicted grades are no where near good enough for them to even consider me.

St Andrews over Oxford would be brave.

Oxford Brookes, assuming that they match your requirements?
Original post by Anonymous
St Andrews over Oxford would be brave.

Oxford Brookes, assuming that they match your requirements?


Yea If he goes oxford just go to oxford Brooke’s this is the real advice
Original post by Emsio8
My boyfriend is incredibly academic and has applied for Oxford and St Andrews this year. If he receives an offer from St Andrews I think he might likely take it over Oxford.

I, on the other hand, haven't applied at all yet and am struggling with making a degree decision. I visited St Andrews and fell in love with it but my predicted grades are no where near good enough for them to even consider me.

I really love him and don't want our relationship to end because of university. We both agreed an LDR wouldn't work as we both have had experience with that sort of thing so I can't help but feel like our time together is now limited.

Maybe I'm just prolonging my hurt by staying with him when I know its not going to last. I want so much to be optimistic and to enjoy our remaining time together but I feel inadequate and vastly intellectually inferior to him.

It seems right now that it is St Andrews or nothing. Sorry if this all seems dramatic, I'm probably not thinking straight right now. Advice would be greatly appreciated.


If this is how you feel then why are you both bothering with a relationship?
Is he into golf in a big way?

That's the only reason I can think of for picking St Andrews over Oxford.

If it's for some other reason, he may be academically gifted and hard working, but he's hopeless at making important life decisions. This is somewhat forgiveable with him being 18. The thing is, does it look like he will improve in his decision making?


The OP should take a big step back. At the moment she is far too focused on her relationship with this young man.
The vast majority of childhood sweetheart relationships finish when either of them leaves home and goes off to uni. There's every chance that the OP and her boyfriend will follow that pattern. Best thing is to enjoy this relationship whilst it lasts. And look forward to the fresh new relationships that each of you will have during your uni days.
Wait. Ignore the people saying you should go to Oxford Brookes if he goes to Oxford.

You should go to uni where YOU want to go. If you both think it wont last as an LDR, it is also likely not to last if you stay close either, you just may have a bit longer.

But you should never ever let him define where you go to uni because what if you break up anyway during uni and you realise “wow I actually am not very happy with this uni, I just picked it because its near my ex’s”

You do you honestly pick a uni where you will be happy whether you are with him or not, because you never know what will happen in the long run.
Isn't this good motivation for you to work hard and get into St Andrews, instead of whinging about it on TSR?
sweetie if you are saying it wont work in a LDR then it probs wont work in a short distance relationship for long either. If you both dont love each other enough to wait for each other then I suggest moving on and concentrating on yourself. Enjoy your time together thats left and see where the future goes. You will honestly regret making any rash decisions just to accomodate your boyfriend moving away.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Is he into golf in a big way?

That's the only reason I can think of for picking St Andrews over Oxford.

If it's for some other reason, he may be academically gifted and hard working, but he's hopeless at making important life decisions. This is somewhat forgiveable with him being 18. The thing is, does it look like he will improve in his decision making?


The OP should take a big step back. At the moment she is far too focused on her relationship with this young man.
The vast majority of childhood sweetheart relationships finish when either of them leaves home and goes off to uni. There's every chance that the OP and her boyfriend will follow that pattern. Best thing is to enjoy this relationship whilst it lasts. And look forward to the fresh new relationships that each of you will have during your uni days.


St Andrews offers the 'posh' experience with nowhere near the stress and intensity of an Oxbridge degree. I wouldn't have coped at Oxford, but St Andrews was a breeze for me.
There are other unis nearby. Or near enough. Might be a touch tricky to both live in Scotland and go to different unis but like if you can't get in then you can't get in. Dundee for example isn't exactly next door but it's not ages away and they want anywhere from 102-120 UCAS points.
Dilemmas like this make me feel millenials will make fun of Gen Z's in a few years, which is really the ultimate dishonour.

Do you value your own life above his love?
Yes, you're intelligent --> Go to university where you need to be to add the most value to your career/life
No, you have no idea what you're doing --> Follow him

This dilemma is very simple to solve by looking at your priorities. If your priority is to continue the relationship, don't bother going to university in the first place. As for "LDR will not work" then why bother considering it.
I think you can try to improve your grades which might be a good way to make the biggest possible stay with him. But if not, I don’t think there is any issue would occur in your relationship if you go to different university with him or don’t go to uni. If he really love you he won’t mind. Distance, different time or any other factors can’t be a problem if there is a true love. Be confident with your relationship.
An LDR may be difficult but how can you know unless you try?
He may not even get into St Andrews himself, it sounds like neither of you are looking at the bigger picture or thinking of all the other opportunities there are
And even if both of you attend the same uni, who's to say you'll stay together? So many new people and experiences. People tend to do a lot of growing up and maturing when they move away from home for the first time.

Choose a uni based on your own wants and desires. I know you want to stay with him but there's not a rule saying you can't at least try an LDR. And if neither of you think an LDR will work, what's the point with continuing with the relationship anyway? An education stays with you forever, a boyfriend at the age of 18 less likely so.
(edited 5 years ago)
look hun if you're really meant to be together it'll happen. breakups are **** but if you really love each other you'll find a way to make it work. you have to put yourself first and choose the university and course you feel you will be happiest at. even if you do break up, if there is a true connection you'll find each other again x
Not many people have taken this stance so far, but I'm going to say it anyway.. NEVER, EVER choose a university based on where your boyfriend/girlfriend/friend etc is going to go. It's too important a decision.

Being 100% honest, your sixth form boyfriend will most likely break up with you before the end of first year, as university changes things massively. He'll meet new people, as will you, your schedules will be different. Having a boyfriend in sixth form is easy as you can be sure you'll see each other every day. Uni brings other pressures, and makes things difficult.

My best advice would be to go where YOU want to go, and take the LDR route. I know you say you don't want to do that, but if your relationship is strong you will get through it. You can visit each other at weekends or in the holidays and even some evenings sometimes depending on how far away you are from each other. You can pretty much travel the length of the country in less than 3 hours on a train, so it's not really going to be much worse than that.

I know you think your boyfriend means a lot to you now, and perhaps he does, but your lives are going to change as soon as you leave college, meaning you really shouldn't make these decisions based on him.

I might well be wrong, and you may have a strong relationship - but if that's the case then it WILL survive wherever you go.

Just make sure you make the right decisions for the right reasons.

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