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My cousin is a lesbian

..... she’s forgiven me and what I did was wrong. I’m sorry to everyone that I have offended. I wasn’t thinking straight. We have spoken and we both are in good terms.
(edited 5 years ago)

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Talk to her maybe? Steer the conversation towards the subject of love in way that she feels comfortable to tell you and that you don’t have tell her you’ve been snooping around.
I'd suggest you think a little bit more about what would be in her interests, rather than being preoccupied by your own feelings of "weird"-ness.
As you know, people often do not want others to know about their sexual orientation because they fear the consequences. They might be cut off from family, friends and other support. They might be thrown out of home; it might jeopardise relationships and employment. They may find themselves physically attacked and/or emotionally abused.
By "outing" your cousin, you may now have exposed her to all these risks. I'd suggest the first thing is to tell her what you have done so that she is able to think about how she can deal with the likely consequences.
And offer her your support.
Reply 3
OP your thread is in the debate section and i think you're just looking for advice, so i moved it to Advice on everyday issues.

re your cousin's a lesbian, i wouldn't jump to conclusions first off. did you talk to her? does she know you snooped through her stuff and showed everyone?
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Anam.Iqbal
I really don’t know what to do. I found out that my cousin was a lesbian when I was using her laptop to do my homework. I snooped through her messages and found weird messages sent back and forth to her friends that I don’t know about and her girlfriend. This really shocked me because I never in a million years thought she was and I can’t believe it. I took a picture of the messages on my phone and showed my closest friend and my twin sister. so they know as well . I have messaged and sent the screen shots to my mum about it because she’s abroad at the moment. She couldn’t believe it as well and she didn’t want to get involved. Honestly I’m stuck she even knows that this is haram. Her brother is poorly as well he’s disabled and
he even went crazy (he hasn’t seen the messages) at night accusing her of being a lesbian. Because of this he was sent to the hospital to stay for a month. I’m honestly confused I’ve been with her since nursery and now I’m in college I just feel weird around her and I don’t look at her the same. I wished I never looked through her messages. Guys help me what should I do?!!!

So, you stuck your nose into your cousin's private business. You broadcast it to your family and friends and you want advice about what to do.
My advice is that you should have minded your own business. You must have known that, because of your family religion and culture , that this is going to cause problems for her. If I were your cousin, i would be giving you a very wide berth in future- probably into the next century.
Nothing. It has **** all to do with you, don’t look through people’s private messages, you have no right to. Let alone messaging your family behind her back. Disgusting behaviour.
(edited 5 years ago)
Reply 6
Original post by Anam.Iqbal
I really don’t know what to do. I found out that my cousin was a lesbian when I was using her laptop to do my homework. I snooped through her messages and found weird messages sent back and forth to her friends that I don’t know about and her girlfriend. This really shocked me because I never in a million years thought she was and I can’t believe it. I took a picture of the messages on my phone and showed my closest friend and my twin sister. so they know as well . I have messaged and sent the screen shots to my mum about it because she’s abroad at the moment. She couldn’t believe it as well and she didn’t want to get involved. Honestly I’m stuck she even knows that this is haram. Her brother is poorly as well he’s disabled and
he even went crazy (he hasn’t seen the messages) at night accusing her of being a lesbian. Because of this he was sent to the hospital to stay for a month. I’m honestly confused I’ve been with her since nursery and now I’m in college I just feel weird around her and I don’t look at her the same. I wished I never looked through her messages. Guys help me what should I do?!!!
It's none of your business. Consider any bad feelings you have about it to be your punishment for putting your nose in where it didn't belong.
Sorry, but what made you think you had the right to "out" her to anyone? Sexuality is such a difficult thing to deal with, and she obviously doesn't feel able to share it, or she would have. Telling people things like that can have implications, and I expect it will spread now.

Times are changing for the better (and about time, too) but that's not to say that it will be easy for her to come out. She will be worried about telling her parents and about her wider network finding out.

Instead of gossiping you should have spoken to her about it and offered your support in what will be a difficult time for her.

It's not up to you to feel weird about her sexuality, it doesn't affect you. I understand that your culture might make things more complicated, but with that being the case I find it even worse that you chose to go spreading it, when you know full well that people may disapprove.

Do everyone a favour and mind your own business. I can't stand people who gossip, it's just wrong, and can have devastating consequences in some situations.
You need apologise to your cousin for the turmoil you caused, and for thinking you had the right to snoop into her private life, and even worse, make it public. Then you need to consider how attacked she must feel over having to focus on your own feelings rather than her own. What you did was disrespectful as because of being outing her brother is now in hospital, your mother and others had access to messages that were made public absent consent and in the mist of all the chaos, not once did anyone stop to check on her rather than be shocked and alienate her.
Reply 9
You should tell her what you did and then mind your own business. Keep out of other people’s privacy and let them run their life as they wish. Nobody needs someone to decide who knows what about them.
I feel sorry that your cousin has the misfortune of being related to you. In what world is it okay to snoop through someone's private messages, take photos of said messages and then share them amongst other family members and friends just so you can get a kick out of circulating a bit of gossip that has absolutely nothing to do with you? Disgusting. What your cousin does in her private life doesn't concern you at all, you've got to be a bit of a freak to be so bothered about someone else's sexuality. I wouldn't be surprised if you cousin cuts you off completely, it's the least she deserves.
(edited 5 years ago)
Reply 11
Original post by Seamus123
So, you stuck your nose into your cousin's private business. You broadcast it to your family and friends and you want advice about what to do.
My advice is that you should have minded your own business. You must have known that, because of your family religion and culture , that this is going to cause problems for her. If I were your cousin, i would be giving you a very wide berth in future- probably into the next century.



I've noticed a few other similar threads to these from muslim girls.
These girls will literally sing like Canary's and out said family member to the whole world. Honestly, if you are muslim and your muslim relative finds out, you need to tie her up and put her in the closet or something whilst you organise your plane ticket out of the country.
(edited 5 years ago)
Pretty sure this is a troll but if not you should be ashamed on yourself for going through her private messages and sending them to other people. I’m assuming you are of the culture where homosexuality can get you kicked out or worse? You should tell her what you’ve done and apologise. Outing someone without their permission isn’t cool
Reply 13
Original post by bones-mccoy
You're a nasty piece of work and I feel sorry that your cousin has the misfortune of being related to you. In what world is it okay to snoop through someone's private messages, take photos of said messages and then share them amongst other family members and friends just so you can get a kick out of circulating a bit of gossip that has absolutely nothing to do with you? Disgusting. What your cousin does in her private life doesn't concern you at all, you've got to be a bit of a freak to be so bothered about someone else's sexuality. I wouldn't be surprised if you cousin cuts you off completely, it's the least she deserves.


This.

OP your post makes you sound vicious, spiteful and judgemental. Your cousin, someone you should care about does you a favour by letting you use her laptop and you take the opportunity to snoop and spy on her, you then judge her and spread gossip around her family presumably with the intention of getting her into trouble.

Her sexuality has nothing to do with you and you had absolutely no right to force her to come out to her family before she was ready. Given your own reaction it is perfectly possible that you have put her in danger and at the very least you have put her in a difficult position.

Perhaps you would benefit more from reflecting on you behaviour and asking why you treated your cousin like this - you have certainly not acted with the compassion and understanding that religion is supposed to promote. If I was your mother I would be thoroughly ashamed of you.
Original post by Bio 7
You should tell her what you did and then mind your own damn business. If this ends up damaging her future your disgusting behaviour better come back on you. Keep out of other people’s privacy and let them run their life as they wish. Nobody needs someone like you to decide who knows what about them.


No need to be rude.
Firstly outing her to your family is extremely wrong.
Secondly you don’t have to do anything, it’s her life.
Be prepared for her to be rightfully angry at your for outing her when she clearly didn’t want you to. Also maybe don’t snoop through peoples private messages that are nothing to do with you.
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Troll
Reply 17
Original post by Archurus23
No need to be rude.


I disagree.
Original post by Archurus23
Talk to her maybe? Steer the conversation towards the subject of love in way that she feels comfortable to tell you and that you don’t have tell her you’ve been snooping around.


I know it’s non of my business but I’m trying to help her through it. I’m fully supportive of her but in our religion it’s not allowed. I don’t know how other people are going to react to it. She’s always quiet that’s the way she is. I tried talking to her about it but she feels awkward so I change the subject immediately.
Reply 19
Original post by Bio 7
You should tell her what you did and then mind your own damn business. If this ends up damaging her future your disgusting behaviour better come back on you. Keep out of other people’s privacy and let them run their life as they wish. Nobody needs someone like you to decide who knows what about them.


I understand it was non of my business I was just trying to help her. I found out randomly I took it as a shock and I take that back. Who am I to judge? In my religion being gay or lesbian is forbidden. My family are strict to an extent meaning they make sure that the girls and boys are separated no relationship going on without being married and also that the women and men are modest and other than that we don’t pray. Basically follow culture more. In Islam were aloud to have such feeling but to act upon it it’s haram. I was only worried because she already formed an relationship. If In Islam being gay was aloud I would support her 1000000% but in this case it isn’t.

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