I can't find happoness Watch

Anonymous #1
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Okay, so I am in year 10 and I've been in my school since year 3.

In primary school, I made a few friends but they all left in year 6.

On secondary school it has been hard to make friends and I only have one "kinda friend" as everyone else in my year likes to get in trouble and enjoys talking about people having s** and stuff. As well as doing it themselves.

Anyhow, as a result this means that I am quite alone in school and I have no where to really stay with so I am generally alone. And on top of that, the few year 11s who are my "friends" don't really like me but just stay around me. And soon enough they'll be gone, study leave etc.

I was now given an opportunity to leave and go to a boarding school. Mainly to get a better education, but that'd be in January, but I don't know if that is a good idea because of GCSES and everything.

And now, I sit at home wondering how I can make myself feel happy and less alone.

I know what makes me happy, but I don't know how to achieve it.

Thanks! Any advice would be greatly appreciated
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Anonymous #1
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Please, anyone??
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Anonymous #1
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Also, on top of all this, I was the begging my parents to let me go. But know as I think about it more and more I don't even know if I want to go.

Although, I know that there are better teachers and maybe nicer people. But I'll have sooo much to catch up on. And the people may not even be nice and I'll miss my parents. And it is kinda sudden.

But if I stay, I'll be surrounded (for sure) by negative people, [some] not very good teachers, but I'll have my parents and I won't have to catch up.

In both situations, I will keep on wondering if I'd be better off having picked the other option and I just don't know what to do.

Thinking about it makes me feel sick, but if I don't think about it I won't even know what I want and I'll end up possibly wasting my parent's money and living in regret.

I forgot to mention before what makes me happy: My parents; nice people around me/good friends; no stress; good grades; travelling & relaxing.
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Anonymous #1
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I forgot to mention, the school would be a 6 hour flight away from my parents.
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Ben878 (LfL)
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Hmm it's tricky.

I went to my local secondary school for Yr's 7-11 and boarding school for sixth form. I had a small few good friends at secondary school but effectively no friends at sixth form.

At boarding school, at the end of the day you are still pretty much in school. Whereas at your local school at the end of the day you are still able to be at home, you have the comfort of being around your hometown, and it's just easier to feel generally comforted, which helps giving proper time out for yourself (- so you can cope with being alone overall better). So from my experiences (and what I noticed of others at boarding school) you will probably have to deal with the feeling of being a alone atleast a little at boarding school if you go. However, this is assuming you would have few friends/connections at boarding school, that might not be the case and you could make many friends, we don't know. It could also help you get used to the uni life ahead as well.

My overall advice would be: definitely consider the better academic opportunities at the other school, but only take it if you know you can handle the environment (of what I've said above), otherwise you will not be able to make the most out of those opportunities.

As for happiness in the timebeing, I think you should try and find some more happiness on your own since the people at your school are not relatable. Look for classes and activities to do out of school (IE google classes in your local area). Look for activities that you find relatable that you can do by yourself (IE Art, writing, solo sports like running, etc.).

I hope everything turns out ok, take care
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ben878 (LfL))
Hmm it's tricky.

I went to my local secondary school for Yr's 7-11 and boarding school for sixth form. I had a small few good friends at secondary school but effectively no friends at sixth form.

At boarding school, at the end of the day you are still pretty much in school. Whereas at your local school at the end of the day you are still able to be at home, you have the comfort of being around your hometown, and it's just easier to feel generally comforted, which helps giving proper time out for yourself (- so you can cope with being alone overall better). So from my experiences (and what I noticed of others at boarding school) you will probably have to deal with the feeling of being a alone atleast a little at boarding school if you go. However, this is assuming you would have few friends/connections at boarding school, that might not be the case and you could make many friends, we don't know. It could also help you get used to the uni life ahead as well.

My overall advice would be: definitely consider the better academic opportunities at the other school, but only take it if you know you can handle the environment (of what I've said above), otherwise you will not be able to make the most out of those opportunities.

As for happiness in the timebeing, I think you should try and find some more happiness on your own since the people at your school are not relatable. Look for classes and activities to do out of school (IE google classes in your local area). Look for activities that you find relatable that you can do by yourself (IE Art, writing, solo sports like running, etc.).

I hope everything turns out ok, take care
Thanks for replying!

I don't know anyone at my new boarding school (should I go) so there wouldn't be any connections. Also, I don't live in England, and where I do live isn't the kind of place that has google classes etc.

My hometown, isn't really all that, as I don't actually leave the house very often. There isn't much to do since I don't have friends. The only thing I like about being at home is that my parents are with me.

The thing about activities that you can do by yourself is that I already do them, and by being by myself and doing them my brain isn't occupied and then I stress and feel sad.

I really hope everything turns out okay too.

I think that I will tell my mum everything about how I am no longer not sure and tell her that I'll make my decision after I see the school and meet a feew people there.

Another thing is that I don't really want to waste unnecessary money. Like if I go to England next week see the school and decide I don't want to go I would've wasted their money. Especially considering we will travel for Christmas as well.

Thanks again!
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Anonymous #1
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Also, Ben878 (LfL) how did you cope with boarding school and not having friends in sixth form? Does it still affect you? And would you say, that you would have prepared to stay local for sixth form?


And, how did you revise for GCSEs? Was your school Good, like did it teach you what you needed to know etc?

Also, I wanted to add, that I don't know whether it is just me or the school. As I know that there is someone who got lots of A*s/9/8s (with one C) but she didn't have the same teachers as I do now, so I don't know if that could be a sign that I could still get good grades there even if my teachers are worse. Even if I wouldn't be happy.

Do you think it is worth leaving?
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_Mia101
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Hi! Maybe Acsel could help. They seem to know quite a bit about this kind of thing!
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Anonymous #1
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Okay, thanks.
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Acsel
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(Original post by _Mia101)
Hi! Maybe Acsel could help. They seem to know quite a bit about this kind of thing!
I do? That's news to me. But thanks


(Original post by Anonymous)
In primary school, I made a few friends but they all left in year 6.
Since I was tagged in, I'll try and break this down to give my thoughts. Friendship wise I was in a similar situation. Some friends at primary school moved to the same secondary school as me. Some close friends also went to college. But nowadays I have absolutely no contact with the people I was at school with.

(Original post by Anonymous)
On secondary school it has been hard to make friends and I only have one "kinda friend" as everyone else in my year likes to get in trouble and enjoys talking about people having s** and stuff. As well as doing it themselves.
Then honestly you're not missing out. Year 10s trying to brag about how much sex they have is typically immature. Not to mention how age of consent factors into this. You are doing yourself a favour by not socialising with these sorts of people. The fact that you can't socialise with school students who want to have sex and get in trouble speaks positive volumes for your own character.

(Original post by Anonymous)
I was now given an opportunity to leave and go to a boarding school. Mainly to get a better education, but that'd be in January, but I don't know if that is a good idea because of GCSES and everything.
That depends on you personally. I wrote a fairly extensive post detailing my thoughts on changing schools this close to GCSEs here. I won't repeat all the same points but it boils down to which environment is going to give you the best chance of doing well.

If your current environment is toxic enough that it's affecting your grades, then moving becomes a valid option. If moving is likely to cause you to struggle then moving is not such a good idea. It's a very personal question for you as to whether you'll cope or not. While some people would say it's not worth switching this late, we can't really say because we don't know what you are capable of.

(Original post by Anonymous)
And now, I sit at home wondering how I can make myself feel happy and less alone.
Loneliness and happiness should not be intertwined. Your happiness should not be dependent on other people. Happiness is an internal process and while being with other people can make you happy, it shouldn't be the only thing that makes you happy. There are lots of good resources online related to happiness and being comfortable alone.

In terms of feeling less alone, don't rely on school. Join clubs or do other activities outside school to meet people. Find people online that you can socialise with.

You'll never get on with everyone and to some extent the only way to meet new people is to go out and meet new people.

(Original post by Anonymous)
I know what makes me happy, but I don't know how to achieve it.
If you know what makes you happy, why can't you achieve it? If you have a goal, then simply work backwards from where you want to be to where you are now, adding goals at each stage. You'll have a step by step guide on how to get from where you are not to the thing that makes you happy.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Acsel)
I do? That's news to me. But thanks




Since I was tagged in, I'll try and break this down to give my thoughts. Friendship wise I was in a similar situation. Some friends at primary school moved to the same secondary school as me. Some close friends also went to college. But nowadays I have absolutely no contact with the people I was at school with.



Then honestly you're not missing out. Year 10s trying to brag about how much sex they have is typically immature. Not to mention how age of consent factors into this. You are doing yourself a favour by not socialising with these sorts of people. The fact that you can't socialise with school students who want to have sex and get in trouble speaks positive volumes for your own character.



That depends on you personally. I wrote a fairly extensive post detailing my thoughts on changing schools this close to GCSEs here. I won't repeat all the same points but it boils down to which environment is going to give you the best chance of doing well.

If your current environment is toxic enough that it's affecting your grades, then moving becomes a valid option. If moving is likely to cause you to struggle then moving is not such a good idea. It's a very personal question for you as to whether you'll cope or not. While some people would say it's not worth switching this late, we can't really say because we don't know what you are capable of.



Loneliness and happiness should not be intertwined. Your happiness should not be dependent on other people. Happiness is an internal process and while being with other people can make you happy, it shouldn't be the only thing that makes you happy. There are lots of good resources online related to happiness and being comfortable alone.

In terms of feeling less alone, don't rely on school. Join clubs or do other activities outside school to meet people. Find people online that you can socialise with.

You'll never get on with everyone and to some extent the only way to meet new people is to go out and meet new people.



If you know what makes you happy, why can't you achieve it? If you have a goal, then simply work backwards from where you want to be to where you are now, adding goals at each stage. You'll have a step by step guide on how to get from where you are not to the thing that makes you happy.
Hi

Okay, so I wouldn't say my grades are being affected as I am generally ahead of class and get what a teacher is saying. But, some of the time the teachers aren't even right.

For me, happiness is when I am calm. And things that make me calm are not stressing about my grades and my parents and travelling etc.

I can't exactly go out and join clubs as there aren't those kinds of activities where I live and it isn't exactly the safest place to go up to a stranger and say hi! (I don't live in the UK). One thing that I do do is music, and I know someone there but I don't really know her very well as I don't talk to her outside of there. Mainly because you can't exactly turn up at someone's house when your parents don't really know one another as it isn't safe (and she is in year 11 so she'll be busy with GCSEs very soon).

I guess, for me my happiness links to my loneliness as outside of school I don't see many people other than my family and since I don't really get on with people in my school, I obviously don't go to parties and concerts where I will meet more people, just that they are all the same (they don't care about anything other than being cool & getting involved with sexual activity).

But I'll check on how to be happy by yourself.

How would I find people online to socialise with though? Is that safe?

Thanks
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Anonymous #1
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Also, assuming I decide I don't want to go how'd I tell my parents about it? I mean, I was the one begging to leave before so how would I tell them I'd changed my mind?
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SoulfulTwist
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It's not always about happiness sometimes it's about being content.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Also, assuming I decide I don't want to go how'd I tell my parents about it? I mean, I was the one begging to leave before so how would I tell them I'd changed my mind?
Simply, 'I've changed my mind because....'


You're overthinking.
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Anonymous #1
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Okay, thanks, but how do I be content. In my mind being content would mean me being happy. But maybe that’s wrong.

Problem with that is that they’ve already paid for tickets so that I can go see the school.

thanks!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Hi Luca)
I think it is very important if you have a sit down with your family and talk about what to decide on. If you go to boarding school you have a chance to meet new people, make friends and of course achieve a good education. The downside like you said is that you will be away from your family - do you think you will be able to cope? If you do not think so then it may be best if you completed the rest of your schooling locally.

In terms of your social situation, I am very sorry to hear this. I know how it feels. I am a sixth form student and I too have no friends; it is very challenging to find people that relate to me, or can at least understand me on an emotional level. Loneliness is so horrible and painful, it will seriously affect your academic performance and mental health. Please talk to your parents or your school and seek help, dont become like me.
Yes, I will most certainly talk to them about it. Even if I don't go now though I'd still end up going for sixth form.

Thanks! And I hope everything gets better for you.
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Acsel
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I can't exactly go out and join clubs as there aren't those kinds of activities where I live and it isn't exactly the safest place to go up to a stranger and say hi! (I don't live in the UK). One thing that I do do is music, and I know someone there but I don't really know her very well as I don't talk to her outside of there. Mainly because you can't exactly turn up at someone's house when your parents don't really know one another as it isn't safe (and she is in year 11 so she'll be busy with GCSEs very soon).
Ah okay, I assume you were in the UK. To an extent, your environment is a bit of a limiting factor then. If I'm honest, you'd be better off looking for advice from someone familiar with your country and culture. If you enjoyed music and had friends there, then meeting up outside class wouldn't be a bad thing. But I won't say it's as easy for you as it would be for a UK student.

(Original post by Anonymous)
I guess, for me my happiness links to my loneliness as outside of school I don't see many people other than my family and since I don't really get on with people in my school, I obviously don't go to parties and concerts where I will meet more people, just that they are all the same (they don't care about anything other than being cool & getting involved with sexual activity).
Somewhat similar to the above, in that I can't recommend things for you without knowing what options you have. But parties and concerts aren't always the best place to meet people anyway.


(Original post by Anonymous)
How would I find people online to socialise with though? Is that safe?

Thanks
It's safe if you do it safely. You're using TSR and interacting with strangers online as is. Providing you stay safe online, there's no reason to think you can't make friends that way. Plenty of people make friends through video games, or online forums. Just be careful and research how to stay safe online.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Acsel)
It's safe if you do it safely. You're using TSR and interacting with strangers online as is. Providing you stay safe online, there's no reason to think you can't make friends that way. Plenty of people make friends through video games, or online forums. Just be careful and research how to stay safe online.
Okay, thanks. I will try and find someone who maybe knows more about making friends outside of school.

Unfortunately for me, where I live you mainly make friends through church (which I don't go to, not a Christian).
Your estate (like gated community) but I don't live in one.
Or through people in school and parties and stuff.

I guess I'll try and make some online friends safely.

Thanks!

And I read what you wrote about moving schools so close to your exams.

I see what you are saying and I think I'll tell my parents my thoughts about it. Even though it'll be a bit annoying to them as they spent all this time contacting the school arranging a way for me to go see the school etc. Since I was the one begging for it.

Thanks again!
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thedoulamom
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, so I am in year 10 and I've been in my school since year 3.

In primary school, I made a few friends but they all left in year 6.

On secondary school it has been hard to make friends and I only have one "kinda friend" as everyone else in my year likes to get in trouble and enjoys talking about people having s** and stuff. As well as doing it themselves.

Anyhow, as a result this means that I am quite alone in school and I have no where to really stay with so I am generally alone. And on top of that, the few year 11s who are my "friends" don't really like me but just stay around me. And soon enough they'll be gone, study leave etc.

I was now given an opportunity to leave and go to a boarding school. Mainly to get a better education, but that'd be in January, but I don't know if that is a good idea because of GCSES and everything.

And now, I sit at home wondering how I can make myself feel happy and less alone.

I know what makes me happy, but I don't know how to achieve it.

Thanks! Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Hi OP,
Life is hard and confusing especially at your age. As someone who's experienced a lot of life in the 12ish more years I've been living longer than you, when opportunities arise like this, take them. You will be stretched in ways that will scare you but, it is SO worth it! You may discover thigns about yourself you otherwise wouldn't know. You may find lifelong friends. Who knows?! Life goes by so quickly the older you get. Don't let it just happen to you, make the most of the opportunities you are given!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by thedoulamom)
Hi OP,
Life is hard and confusing especially at your age. As someone who's experienced a lot of life in the 12ish more years I've been living longer than you, when opportunities arise like this, take them. You will be stretched in ways that will scare you but, it is SO worth it! You may discover thigns about yourself you otherwise wouldn't know. You may find lifelong friends. Who knows?! Life goes by so quickly the older you get. Don't let it just happen to you, make the most of the opportunities you are given!
Thanks, but I've already talked to my mum and I'm going to stay. Although I do kinda which I went il just try and make the best of my current situation.

And leave for a levels.

Thanks though!

Do you have any ideas on how to make the best of my current situation?
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