I feel as if I am perpetually in the closet Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 10 months ago
#1
Turning 17 in a few days which is making me reflect. This marks my 3rd age in the closet.

I live in Scotland (liberal country), but the town I live in itself is very Catholic and feels very low profile when it comes to LGBT people. My family are religious as well.

The whole ordeal of coming out scares me and I feel as if I will be closeted forever. Will I?
0
reply
fallen_acorns
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 10 months ago
#2
if your family are a really big issue then you only have a year to wait. 1 year later and you will be away at university in a highly liberal city (most likely) surrounded by other LGBT people, and can come out and do what you want. Your parents can deal with it how ever they want then, because you are indipendant and don't strictly need them.

Obviously coming out now would be tough - go for it if you want.. or wait a year until you can do it 100% on your own terms. I can see be arguements for each. If it were me? Unless I had a boyfriend or was active romantically (or thought I could be) I would probably wait.

When your at university though, coming out to everyone except your family won't be a big deal at all. Just walk along to the local LGBT group.. say 'HI I'm xxxx and I am xxxx' job done. Tell your flatmates if you want - they likely wont care at all.
2
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 10 months ago
#3
(Original post by fallen_acorns)
if your family are a really big issue then you only have a year to wait. 1 year later and you will be away at university in a highly liberal city (most likely) surrounded by other LGBT people, and can come out and do what you want. Your parents can deal with it how ever they want then, because you are indipendant and don't strictly need them.

Obviously coming out now would be tough - go for it if you want.. or wait a year until you can do it 100% on your own terms. I can see be arguements for each. If it were me? Unless I had a boyfriend or was active romantically (or thought I could be) I would probably wait.

When your at university though, coming out to everyone except your family won't be a big deal at all. Just walk along to the local LGBT group.. say 'HI I'm xxxx and I am xxxx' job done. Tell your flatmates if you want - they likely wont care at all.
I actually live near a large city (Glasgow), it's just my town that feels absolutely void of LGBT people.
The issue for me is that being in the closet does drag me down and prevents me from being who I want to be. University isn't that long away, I suppose.
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#4
Report 10 months ago
#4
Firstly, you need someone you can talk to about being gay - to help you understand yourself, and to guide you in making decisions like the one you've raised here. From what you've said, it seems unlikely that you will have someone like that you ca talk to. If you have, use them; if not, consider whether someone a little older, maybe even a teacher, would make a decent confidante. If you have neither, as a last resort, feel free to message me, in private if you wish, or some other stranger who sounds sympathetic. It's strange, but often people can talk freely to an anonymous stranger, rather than someone they know, even slightly. I experienced the same feelings as you many years ago, so know where you're at!!
One of the hardest things, when you're young and gay particularly, is not having someone you can talk openly to. Make finding someone, your first priority.
In the meantime, there is absolutely no need to come out to anyone. It's not anyone's business, even your parents, until you're 100% certain of your sexuality, and your post suggests a lack of experience in sexual matters, so despite what you may think, you cannot be 100% sure of that yet.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 10 months ago
#5
(Original post by mikky46)
your post suggests a lack of experience in sexual matters, so despite what you may think, you cannot be 100% sure of that yet.
I agree with the rest of your post, but can you elaborate on this?
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#6
Report 10 months ago
#6
SImply that you use the terms 'low profile' and 'void' in describing where you live, which suggests to me, quite possibly wrongly, that you do not have much practuicalo sexual experience, and if you have little experience, you cannot be 100% sure of your sexuality.
0
reply
mikariri
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#7
Report 10 months ago
#7
I’m in a very similar situation actually, turning 17 in a few months. For me I find comfort in talking to other gay people online, or the few irl people I meet who are lgbt. It helps to build a group around you of people who are similar to you.

Also I try to think about when i’ll be 18 and able to go to university and move away to somewhere more accepting, because having a sort of “end” in sight makes me feel better personally!
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#8
Report 10 months ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Turning 17 in a few days which is making me reflect. This marks my 3rd age in the closet.

I live in Scotland (liberal country), but the town I live in itself is very Catholic and feels very low profile when it comes to LGBT people. My family are religious as well.

The whole ordeal of coming out scares me and I feel as if I will be closeted forever. Will I?
Sometimes it’s just like that until you find a safe environment where you feel comfortable being who you are. And that’s okay. I’m in a similar position myself but I’ll be going to university in September and all my friends know I’m not completely straight and are very supportive. If you can and feel comfortable in doing so, tell a friend? Someone who you think will understand and can help with the weight. Remember that it’s Okay to be in the closet.
Take care of yourself, good luck finding your peace xx
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#9
Report 10 months ago
#9
Just a wee thought to the OP and the other two guys who said they are in a similar position. I know it's a common phrase, but you guys should not think of yourselves as 'being in the closet'. You are being being true to yourself and your feelings. Being honest! Those who ARE in the closet are people who won't face up to the reality of the situation, and either deny their feelings, or worse still supress what should be natural to them and try to lead heterosexual lives.
There is no need to feel entrapped. Continue to be honest with your feelings, and people who care about you will appreciate and respect your honesty. I hope you guys all have someone you can talk to openly and who can help you on your exciting journey!!
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 10 months ago
#10
(Original post by mikky46)
Just a wee thought to the OP and the other two guys who said they are in a similar position. I know it's a common phrase, but you guys should not think of yourselves as 'being in the closet'. You are being being true to yourself and your feelings. Being honest! Those who ARE in the closet are people who won't face up to the reality of the situation, and either deny their feelings, or worse still supress what should be natural to them and try to lead heterosexual lives.
There is no need to feel entrapped. Continue to be honest with your feelings, and people who care about you will appreciate and respect your honesty. I hope you guys all have someone you can talk to openly and who can help you on your exciting journey!!
That is true. The issue for me is that I'm not being open and honest with others, and I want to be. What I want is to be able to live a gay life, and I can't do that while I'm hiding this secret from other people. I haven't really got the people to talk to about it, as I haven't got friends at school and I feel uncomfortable telling family.
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#11
Report 10 months ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
That is true. The issue for me is that I'm not being open and honest with others, and I want to be. What I want is to be able to live a gay life, and I can't do that while I'm hiding this secret from other people. I haven't really got the people to talk to about it, as I haven't got friends at school and I feel uncomfortable telling family.
You can't be open and honest with others until you're open and honest with yourself, It's extremely hard to do that with yourself when the only person you can talk to is yourself. Things just go round and round in your head, and get distorted. The more you think about things, the more difficult and confused it gets. I did say if you want to talk to me I would listen. I promise I will!!! If you don't want to air ur thoughts in public, send a private message, I said I would answer it, and I give you that guarantee. I've talked to several dozen guys over the years, and I would like to think I have helped most, if not all of them!!
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#12
Report 10 months ago
#12
Btw, if you haven't already seen this, guys, google the Aussie schoolboy Finn Stannard. I don't expect any of you to do the same thing, but hopefully it will inspire you to talk to someone and feel more confident in yourself.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#13
Report Thread starter 10 months ago
#13
(Original post by mikky46)
Btw, if you haven't already seen this, guys, google the Aussie schoolboy Finn Stannard. I don't expect any of you to do the same thing, but hopefully it will inspire you to talk to someone and feel more confident in yourself.
I saw that story. It inspires me to come out, especially since he and I both went/go to Catholic private schools. He even has a boyfriend.

I wish I could have a similar story, but without friends at school, I can't talk to anyone about it.
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#14
Report 10 months ago
#14
In that case, please talk to me, privately if it helps. I don't bite, even if you ask me to!! Lol!!
0
reply
mikky46
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#15
Report 9 months ago
#15
You haven't posted in this thread for more than a fortnight. I hope that means you have found someone you can talk to freely about everything that's worrying you. I'm still here if you haven't, and need someone to talk to. Hope things are OK with you.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Have you made up your mind on your five uni choices?

Yes I know where I'm applying (86)
67.72%
No I haven't decided yet (25)
19.69%
Yes but I might change my mind (16)
12.6%

Watched Threads

View All