Bad sex in my relationship Watch

charlie123oxo
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#1
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Excuse the detail in this one I am being as honest as possible.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over three years. When we first got together the sex was amazing but after about 3 months I said something that I now regret. He was annoyed because he couldn't make me come so I said "I don't need to come to enjoy the sex" or something similar. Since I spoke those words I have probably come about 3 times. It's not like he hasn't tried though, I feel like he does care...sometimes.
The thing is because it never happens, I'm so in my head about it, making it worse. As time goes on I feel as though he knows I'm not going to come so he just does himself. I do enjoy having sex with him but most of the time I just want it to be over and very occasionally feel a bit dirty/used? He doesn't have as higher sex drive as me and I know he's not just in it for the sex so unsure why I feel used.
Our relationship is way more than just sex and I can see myself with him for a long time but I don't know if I can put up with bad sex forever. Especially knowing how good it was at the beginning of our relationship. I know it will never be the same as then, which makes me feel worse.

Any advice on how to spice it up a bit/ how to get out of my head? I have tried buying us toys and its spices it up but I can still never fully enjoy it.

Do you think we have just become incompatible?
Last edited by charlie123oxo; 10 months ago
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Notoriety
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Take control of the ****ing.

Do some femdom role play, where you tell him what to do to you. Until you blast a load in his mouth.

Then go to sleep.
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doodle_333
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Well are you not finishing because he's doing something wrong? If so you need to talk to him about what would be better for you.

If it's more mental that you're putting yourself under pressure try and go with what you said and just enjoy sex without orgasming or expecting to and relax a bit.
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Unspawnedmantis
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I was in a relationship for 3 years (as the guy) and was pretty much exactly the same. Sex in the early stage of the relationship is pretty much always going to be most passionate and the best, so try not to use that as the standard. i can relate to your bf quite a lot and i think the worst thing you can do is grow hostile over this issue. my ex would just complain and eventually had very low participation in the sex and honestly it just made me dislike her so i naturally put in less effort and eventually just couldn't care less about having sex, then of course break up. maybe talk to him about it gently and don't turn it into a situation where you're telling him what to do as that throws away his masculinity and he definitely wont reward you for that. its kinda bias but honestly if you were to try and really enjoy it and tell him how good he is and make him feel confident it is probably going to cause him to direct his appreciation and confidence into pleasing you.
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Anonymous #1
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try speaking to him about it? i was in a similar situation with my boyfriend years ago.. after about a year into our realtionship i would never really want too because i never felt as good as he did afterwards, but i just spoke to him about it and he felt really bad that i wasnt enjoying it as much. He'll want you to enjoy it as much as he does if he loves you... id suggest just having a convo with him about it
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karl pilkington
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Why do you feel dirty used ?
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fallen_acorns
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(Original post by charlie123oxo)
xxx
1. You haven't become incompatable.. you were compatable at the start, and you both made mistakes that have left you in this position. Compatability rarely chances dramatically though - because peoples sexual desires don't tend to change that much. If you both fix your mistakes then you will be just as compatible as before.

So what are the mistakes..

I am willing to bet they fall into two catagories - as these are the most common for all couples:

1. Lack of propper communication about sex. You don't need to talk about it at the start of your relationship, because its all passion.. then later when it becomes a problem, you have no pratcise at talking about very personal and sensitive matters together. You both need to talk with 100% honesty about what you want, what works for you, and what the other person needs to do for you. You need to make both of your positions entirely clear, no matter how akward uncomfortable or unplesant it is.. So that you both fully understand the needs of the other.

2. Lack of effort. Its hard after 3 years - believe me, I have been married for 5, and together for longer than that. Its not easy keeping things exciting. It takes constant effort from both of you. It can't just be from one of you, or you will quickly get resentful.. ti has to be hard work, year after year from both of you - to keep things exciting, keep the passion going, and keep both of you satisfied. Many couples manage it, but most slip into the habbit of taking it forgranted and loosing it for a while, before realsing their mistake and fixing things.

Lastly - sexual satisfaction in a relationship is both of your responsibility equally. and its neither of your fault alone when things go wrong. In most relationships if the participants are equal in nature, its both peoples fault when things go wrong sexually. Your 3 years in - there is no need to be dramatic and declare that you are not compatible any more.. give it a few months, try and impliment propper communication, try and get both of you to put far more effort in, and then see what happens.
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Anonymous #2
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The best sex is when there's no foreplay. But unfortunately it doesn't work with every girl.
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Elektra06
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The best sex is when there's no foreplay. But unfortunately it doesn't work with every girl.
What planet are you on? 😂
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Capitalist_Lamb
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I think that it's a bit of an excuse to say that because of the sex you are incompatible (going to dump him). Maybe you are the problem and not him, maybe you have derailed his confidence and stumped his masculinity, or maybe it is him, I don't know. If you are going to leave him because he is not pleasing you enough, before you talk to him then do it. It will just be the exact same. You will get into another relationship and the sex will be amazing. After a couple of years, you'll become desensitized to the sex and do the same. Men can seem tough but when their partner who they trust derails their manhood it can be very damaging. Talking to him about it would be the best option and if things don't work out, then things don't work out. Don't dump him without talking to him first, that does just make it seem like all you care about is sex in a relationship.
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GEORGE NIMITEIN
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You can talk to him about it so that if you think that he is not interested then you will not feel guilty about the breakup when you leave him but if you just go like that he can say that you never loved him
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Silk186
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First, you need to have a conversation with him about it. Second, think about what you want from sex. Third, after three years you need to think about how to keep it fresh.
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Apachecow
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(Original post by Elektra06)
What planet are you on? 😂
It's kind of right in a way. I can think of a few AMAZING passionate encounters where a spontaeous kiss lead to "hitch up skirt and pull knickers to one side" sex.

Sometimes it is great fun to break the routine and if the OP is in a rut then it might actually work. Do it somewhere different. Throw in some risk. Get the excitment back.

I'm not suggesting that as a routine.
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Roboooo
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The best thing to do would be to not mentally boycott yourself because by doing that it becomes worse than it is, remember things can only get better
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Antonia1999
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Why don't you make yourself *** during sex? Why are you putting all the pressure on him?
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Antonia1999
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Can I ask what is he doing to try to make you orgasm? Are you just doing PIV sex? Because if you are it is unlikely you will orgasm from that alone.
If he is giving you clitoral stimulation too he still needs to know what to do. It's best to talk to him and guide him. Show him what you like and what he needs to do.
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Vinny C
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He seems not to have changed at all... but your expectations have. Don't buy a dog if you're not happy with the tricks it already has.
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Vinny C
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(Original post by charlie123oxo)
Excuse the detail in this one I am being as honest as possible.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over three years. When we first got together the sex was amazing but after about 3 months I said something that I now regret. He was annoyed because he couldn't make me come so I said "I don't need to come to enjoy the sex" or something similar. Since I spoke those words I have probably come about 3 times. It's not like he hasn't tried though, I feel like he does care...sometimes.
The thing is because it never happens, I'm so in my head about it, making it worse. As time goes on I feel as though he knows I'm not going to come so he just does himself. I do enjoy having sex with him but most of the time I just want it to be over and very occasionally feel a bit dirty/used? He doesn't have as higher sex drive as me and I know he's not just in it for the sex so unsure why I feel used.
Our relationship is way more than just sex and I can see myself with him for a long time but I don't know if I can put up with bad sex forever. Especially knowing how good it was at the beginning of our relationship. I know it will never be the same as then, which makes me feel worse.

Any advice on how to spice it up a bit/ how to get out of my head? I have tried buying us toys and its spices it up but I can still never fully enjoy it.

Do you think we have just become incompatible?
No... you have become bored. Hope you never have pets.
Last edited by Vinny C; 10 months ago
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Anonymous #3
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Take control and let him suck your clit. Basically, ride his face and let him lick sweetener from your clit. So he can’t breathe.
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JuicyHugh1
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(Original post by Notoriety)
Take control of the ****ing.

Do some femdom role play, where you tell him what to do to you. Until you blast a load in his mouth.

Then go to sleep.
Add my snap and we can discuss ways to improve your sexual skills, and performance. deci123456
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