Boyfriend makes me cringe?! Watch

thaliaevelyn
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#21
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#21
(Original post by Anonymous)
I hate PDA (other than hugging). I have told him that I don't like that 'cutesy' verbal and touchy stuff so many times but he told me it's a part of his personality so I'll have to 'get used to it.'
you'll have to "get used to it"?????? Nope. Tell him no, tell him stop, establish boundaries. If he persists you might have to reconsider the entire relationship. I know that might sound drastic, but if he's ignoring you/disregarding your feelings only a month into the relationship, it's only going to get worse as time goes by.
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Rock Fan
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#22
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#22
Seems he is just in to you, maybe you should end it if you are not comfortable
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LostAccount
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#23
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#23
You sound like you don't want a boyfriend, frankly.
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Hunjen1
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I've been with this guy for almost a month now, and we get along really well...he's funny, sweet, kind, we have pretty similar interests...
only problem is, every time he says something trying to be cute, romantic, complimentary, etc, I cringe SO hard! I can't stand it, and I end up saying something rude, pushing him away, ignoring him, rejecting him, changing th subject etc....

Examples:
'I love talking to you'
'you are so gorgeous'
'I really ****ing like you'
**** like that... over text and in real life

also he keeps trying to kiss the top of my head and snuggle with me which makes me cringe and lean away from him too, and I hate PDA (other than hugging). I have told him that I don't like that 'cutesy' verbal and touchy stuff so many times but he told me it's a part of his personality so I'll have to 'get used to it.'

I have been assaulted badly in the past so this may be a part of my trauma, but I just wanna know...

Is his cringy behaviour normal? Should I take it as a compliment? And am I weird for NOT wanting my boyfriend to act like this? Any advice?
I'm a 17 year old girl btw, no serious relationships in the past.

(yes, I do wanna do sexual 'stuff' with him, and I can be a physical person, it's just the cringey stuff I cannot tolerate)

Thank you!
You cant change who he is, just like he cant change who you are. If youve been in an abusive relationship then you are going to be more reserved with your emotions and affections. Wanting to do sexual stuff with him but not cute cuddly things is going to send him mixed signals if he is a naturally affectionate guy. He may not be able to switch off the affection from non sexual to sexual only and you should be honest with him if it is only a sexual relationship you want with him. Some people are naturally cuddly - and some arent. If youre not then you should tell him to avoid it. If he has already said - take me as I am - then thats what you should do - or accept that he is not the right one for you and move on. It has only been a months or so- so very early days. I have been in a violent relationship and it is hard to drop the defences and let someone in. But it is not impossible. Maybe you just need time, but dont give up - at some point you will long for the affection without the sexual involvement, as this is what bonds you to your partner - but dont go looking for only sexual relationships as this will not help you to recover from the abuse you have suffered.
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truthmartini
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#25
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#25
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I've been with this guy for almost a month now, and we get along really well...he's funny, sweet, kind, we have pretty similar interests...
only problem is, every time he says something trying to be cute, romantic, complimentary, etc, I cringe SO hard! I can't stand it, and I end up saying something rude, pushing him away, ignoring him, rejecting him, changing th subject etc....

Examples:
'I love talking to you'
'you are so gorgeous'
'I really ****ing like you'
**** like that... over text and in real life

also he keeps trying to kiss the top of my head and snuggle with me which makes me cringe and lean away from him too, and I hate PDA (other than hugging). I have told him that I don't like that 'cutesy' verbal and touchy stuff so many times but he told me it's a part of his personality so I'll have to 'get used to it.'

I have been assaulted badly in the past so this may be a part of my trauma, but I just wanna know...

Is his cringy behaviour normal? Should I take it as a compliment? And am I weird for NOT wanting my boyfriend to act like this? Any advice?
I'm a 17 year old girl btw, no serious relationships in the past.

(yes, I do wanna do sexual 'stuff' with him, and I can be a physical person, it's just the cringey stuff I cannot tolerate)

Thank you!
Your reaction is highly likely a result of your trauma - in which case you must tell him. This will give him a better understanding of your reaction and hopefully will make him lay off a bit. If you don't want to open up to him just try to explain that you're not comfortable with that level of physical affection yet. If it becomes a serious issue, and he won't respect your wishes, he might not be the one. I would say both of your behaviours in this situation are normal but you require communication if you want to solve it.
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Anonymous #2
#26
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#26
Sounds like my ex tbh, on a number of occasions I had to ask him to stop. He didn't and hence ended the relationship (as well as a number of other reasons). What happened afterwards was him pretty much stalking me for the better part of a year.
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Anonymous #3
#27
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#27
Tbh it might be cringey but he certainly isn't doing anything necessarily 'wrong'. The term 'hopeless romantic' springs to mind.

If you are in a relationship with someone and you don't want them to express/be themselves, you need to find someone else.

On the other hand, you have been together for a month so he is going overboard, but thats no reason to hate on the poor guy albeit I can see the awkward position he has put you in.

I'm very sure another girl will appreciate his affection though, so just break up with him if you aren't a good match.

Hopefully that has helped
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Anonymous #3
#28
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#28
If you don't want the affection an actual relationship brings, doesnt that just make you friends with benefits? You both want to get different things out of the relationship so one of you had to readjust or split up
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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#29
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#29
You don't want him to say nice things and you don't like affection.

Are you sure you actually want him to be your boyfriend?
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Elektra06
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#30
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#30
I feel like everything he does and says is pretty standard, I don't consider it cringey just a relationship
Everyone is different though and you clearly don't like physical acts of love and compliments or anything alongside the romance sector.

I would talk to him about how it makes you feel, why you think it makes you feel this way ect.
and ultimately you may have to break up if you're both very different x
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Linalolo
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#31
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#31
Usually its not the words that are cringe but the person saying it to you. If young leonardo di caprio said that kind of thing to me I think I would die inside. If a guy that perhaps I like but deep down may have mixed unsure feelings about, then I would cringe at those things.
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GotU418Yrs
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#32
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#32
OP's boyfriend:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6laGvKtPZYQ

OP:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9iVgw4sv-M

TSR:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdtKbq3Omkw

:rofl:
Last edited by GotU418Yrs; 10 months ago
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ImNotReallyMe
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#33
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#33
I think it's only cringey if he doesn't genuinely mean it and is just saying it as part and parcel of being in a relationship
But, if he's smitten with you, he obviously really wants to show it

I'm wondering, how do you like to display/receive affection?

Some people have different styles

But if you are more guarded when it comes to any kind of affection, it indicates you need to live from your heart a bit more, get in touch with feelings, if you even have many of them with him?
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Vinny C
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#34
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#34
You are so harsh... does he make you cringe as much as a visit to the STD clinic? More to the point... does he make you cringe as much as a male visit to same clinic? They insert an inverted trowel down... then scrape you off the ceiling.
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hippieglitter
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#35
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#35
You shouldn't have to just 'get used to' anything, it'll get worse. What if you don't like having sex with him and he says 'you just have to get used to it', next stop; rape!
If you have said you don't like something, don't stand for it.
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Tupelooo
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#36
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#36
Eh to be honest I feel you on this. It's part of being a teenager and tbh I'm kinda the same. Best way of dealing with this is just to be open about it really. Tell him that you certainly respect and value him and that you generally like being around him but when he does too much of the stuff you've mentioned you feel a bit uncomfortable. If he still doesn't stop then there's an issue of respect here. A serious issue. If you've told him how strongly you feel about this and he still hasn't stopped then you have to drop it. It's a deep seeded issue and one that can escalate into something nasty. It's clear that he's very affectionate towards you, but affection and respect are two different things and ultimately without both a positive relationship can't really exist.
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Djpj1759
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#37
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#37
If you feel uncomfortable in your relationship then just tell him how u feel and really tbh he should respect u as much as you respect him so don't just sit there and let him do things like that, stand up for yourself girl
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MathsLove
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#38
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#38
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I've been with this guy for almost a month now, and we get along really well...he's funny, sweet, kind, we have pretty similar interests...
only problem is, every time he says something trying to be cute, romantic, complimentary, etc, I cringe SO hard! I can't stand it, and I end up saying something rude, pushing him away, ignoring him, rejecting him, changing th subject etc....

Examples:
'I love talking to you'
'you are so gorgeous'
'I really ****ing like you'
**** like that... over text and in real life

also he keeps trying to kiss the top of my head and snuggle with me which makes me cringe and lean away from him too, and I hate PDA (other than hugging). I have told him that I don't like that 'cutesy' verbal and touchy stuff so many times but he told me it's a part of his personality so I'll have to 'get used to it.'

I have been assaulted badly in the past so this may be a part of my trauma, but I just wanna know...

Is his cringy behaviour normal? Should I take it as a compliment? And am I weird for NOT wanting my boyfriend to act like this? Any advice?
I'm a 17 year old girl btw, no serious relationships in the past.

(yes, I do wanna do sexual 'stuff' with him, and I can be a physical person, it's just the cringey stuff I cannot tolerate)

Thank you!
Hm Not my type. You need to see a doctor, IMMEDIATELY. You two guys will never make a genuine relationship, you are just using him to get through the time and he is a typical promiscuous loser.
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Lovepaki
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#39
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#39
Maybe ur just not use to that idea of lovie dovey mode tell him take it slow change the words words that does not make you cringe He can still say those words that make him comfortable like ex. I miss you— thought maybe we can hangout to nite I love u— ur just the girl my type lol idk something like that
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Anonymous #4
#40
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#40
Boundaries are really important. When my ex disrespected mine I lost all feelings for him because he got so intense it started freaking me out (tried to guilt me into staying with him past uni ffs I’m 17). If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, it’s a symptom of something else more worrying - speaking from my experience. Also if someone if someone is worryingly dependant it’s not a good thing, my ex just could not be single and I didn’t realise what that meant at the time but he didn’t value me as a person but rather a walking attachment to him. He wormed his way into a part of my life that I didn’t want him anywhere near and it made me uncomfortable. He also wasn’t genuine with any of his cringiness, cheated on me and then didn’t tell me for two months because ‘he didn’t want to hurt me’. His cringiness was hella manipulative and just hid all the bad. Yah maybe I’m cynical but someone disrespecting boundaries Is a symptom of entitlement and is not good at all.
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