In such a difficult situation. Don't know what to do.

Recently ive been finding it so hard to come t terms with my sexuality. The only person I came out to was an ex-teacher and she gave me good advice, like come out only when you're comfortable...
Today, my sister told my mom how she thinks I'm a lesbian she said "don't you realise the way she acts!" And my mom turned around to me and said "what you fancy girls or something, you best not you'll be out of the house if you are". I got upset and tried to hide my tears and I just said "no, mom she's lying". I just was so upset don't get me wrong my parents are not homophobic they're so nice but because we're Asians, so it'll obviously shock them and be unexpected as they've had no-one that's gay in the asain community that they know of.

And I've just been thinking about it all day, I mean, it's the closest I've ever got to having this sort of convo about me with my mom and I'm just upset as to what was said. (I know my mom didn't want to hurt me, she just don't realise).
My sister's beginning to find out and has even said to me "why do you lie, just tell them". I'm just so upset and confused and feel sick!
I haven't told anyone either that I stay in touch with a close teacher because they probably think I fancy her lol. (It's my fault, because she's helped me a lot, I do speak about her alot lol!)
But yet I just had to let it out because I don't know what I'm doing. It's best if I just hide it. I've made a thread about this before but I think I'll just have to hide who I am because I can't let my family be upset.

Reply 1

saharan_skies

im completely in the same boat as you babe. familial expectations basically mean that they think im gonna be a straight woman and that i'll be married with 2 kids in the future. For now, it seems like it would be best for you to hide your sexuality. is there any way you're leaving the house for uni or could leave?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Awww thank you!!!
And I'm at univeristy it's my first year and I'm "empathetic" and always put others before me and I've never gone against or argued with my parents so I'm just so stuck and feel sick.
I couldn't ever leave my parents. Ever. I care about them too much. I just don't know, I can marry a guy for there happiness but obviously they won't be happy if I'm not. And it won't work out anyways so I just don't know. And how long am I meant to hide my sexuality for, if my parents are already discussing marriage... try not to worry about it but it's just so damn HARDDDD!!!! Especially when you have anxiety and worry about everyone and every little thing.