Help! Why don't my relationships work?
They text me non-stop, take me out constantly, buy me nice things. But usually ends in 2 months or. I do have a fighting personality kind of, but when we argue they usually make up constantly after every fight but eventually after a certain fight they don't anymore How come they stick out out initially then give up? How do I know if they truly were genuine and liked me. I mean I felt like they were genuine, constantly obsessed with me etc but Idk. This makes me think if they were so crazy about me how could they leave. They also know I'm a virgin and waiting until marriage and i make sure they know it so they don't waste my or their time, so it makes me question when they leave if they truly were really into me or trying to see if they could sleep with me? For future reference, is there a way to discern? My one boyfriend cried for me once when i was breaking up with him, constnatly made up unti lhe didn't. The other one bough tme really nice gifts, made me soup when i was sick, beautiful flowers, nice restaurants.
(edited 5 years ago)
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Perhaps it is a bit of both, tbh. THere are definitely some guys who like the challenge to see if he can be that special guy that the girl will 'give in to' and be the first person she has sex with but, by your own admission you have a 'fighting personality' and that over the course of weeks into months can be very wearing on a partner if little things trigger a big fighting response. Pretty soon the guy who was doing everything and being so sweet will decide it's just not worth the effort. You will never be able to change and control the factor of a guy wanting to get with a girl because he wants to take her virginity - but most guys just don't think and operate like that. Maybe they do choose to move on so not to be wasting time as well.... but, again, you can't control that. What you can control and should look at is your own behavior and interactions to the relationships that haven't worked. We you difficult to get along with. Did your boyfriend get blamed, repeatedly, for upsetting you. Did your boyfriend bring you nice gifts and take you to do nice things but you didn't really reciprocate or acted very grateful. You can control how you behave towards potential partner and how you behave if you do get into a relationship. Don't blame the guy for constantly upsetting you or triggering you.... you choose how you respond.... you can choose to take a less harsh approach in the future (if that has been an issue) and see if you get better results. You can control your efforts and behavior and that is all you can control but when you make positive changes in your own behavior you'll see such a positive response in return from those around. I know this first hand! Good Luck!
Original post by Eterlianmi
They text me non-stop, take me out constantly, buy me nice things. But usually ends in 2 months or. I do have a fighting personality kind of, but they usually come back constantly after every fight but eventually they end up leaving. How come they stick out out initially then leave. This makes me think if they were so crazy about me how could they leave. They also know I'm a virgin and waiting until marriage and i make sure they know it so they don't waste my or their time, so it makes me question when they leave if they truly were really into me or trying to see if they could sleep with me? For future reference, is there a way to discern? My one boyfriend cried for me once when i was breaking up with him, constnatly made up unti lhe didn't. The other one bough tme really nice gifts, made me soup when i was sick, beautiful flowers, nice restaurants.
How old are you?
Its quite easy really.
What they believe you have to offer in a relationship isnt what they are looking for or isnt worth the effort taken.
Perhaps its fun to do the chase, but when they get to appreciate what sort of relationship it might be then they fancy their chances elsewhere.
Perhaps you expect too much and give too little or you are too much like hard work?
Are you fun to be with, good company, interesting, supportive? You should probably ask your exes.
Perhaps they find fighting tedious?
Original post by 999tigger
How old are you?
Its quite easy really.
What they believe you have to offer in a relationship isnt what they are looking for or isnt worth the effort taken.
Perhaps its fun to do the chase, but when they get to appreciate what sort of relationship it might be then they fancy their chances elsewhere.
Perhaps you expect too much and give too little or you are too much like hard work?
Are you fun to be with, good company, interesting, supportive? You should probably ask your exes.
Perhaps they find fighting tedious?
Its quite easy really.
What they believe you have to offer in a relationship isnt what they are looking for or isnt worth the effort taken.
Perhaps its fun to do the chase, but when they get to appreciate what sort of relationship it might be then they fancy their chances elsewhere.
Perhaps you expect too much and give too little or you are too much like hard work?
Are you fun to be with, good company, interesting, supportive? You should probably ask your exes.
Perhaps they find fighting tedious?
So you don't think they would do all that if they didn't really like me?
Please give us a few examples of things you have argued and fought over.
Original post by Eterlianmi
They text me non-stop, take me out constantly, buy me nice things. But usually ends in 2 months or. I do have a fighting personality kind of, but when we argue they usually make up constantly after every fight but eventually after a certain fight they don't anymore How come they stick out out initially then give up? How do I know if they truly were genuine and liked me. I mean I felt like they were genuine, constantly obsessed with me etc but Idk. This makes me think if they were so crazy about me how could they leave. They also know I'm a virgin and waiting until marriage and i make sure they know it so they don't waste my or their time, so it makes me question when they leave if they truly were really into me or trying to see if they could sleep with me? For future reference, is there a way to discern? My one boyfriend cried for me once when i was breaking up with him, constnatly made up unti lhe didn't. The other one bough tme really nice gifts, made me soup when i was sick, beautiful flowers, nice restaurants.
If you're fighting a lot in just 2 months I understand why they're leaving. I wouldn't want to be with a partner who's constantly picking fights and I'm sure you wouldn't be either. They probably stick it out and think "it's only a couple of fights every couple does this" but then the fights keep happening and then say "I can't keep fighting so much in such a short amount of time". I think that's something to work on in the future.
Original post by Eterlianmi
So you don't think they would do all that if they didn't really like me?
So how old are you and they?
If they really liked you and you liked them , then no, but tbh the description you are giving is poor.
Most relationships fail.
Its still the fact yours arent lasting because they dont see whats on offer i.e what they et out of it is worth the cost of what they put in. Sounds like too much hard work.
Maybe they are poor.
You are difficult.
You just havent met the right one.
If you think you are trying, then maybe talk to the exes and find out why they decided to split? they are the ones with the inside experience.
Original post by 999tigger
So how old are you and they?
If they really liked you and you liked them , then no, but tbh the description you are giving is poor.
Most relationships fail.
Its still the fact yours arent lasting because they dont see whats on offer i.e what they et out of it is worth the cost of what they put in. Sounds like too much hard work.
Maybe they are poor.
You are difficult.
You just havent met the right one.
If you think you are trying, then maybe talk to the exes and find out why they decided to split? they are the ones with the inside experience.
If they really liked you and you liked them , then no, but tbh the description you are giving is poor.
Most relationships fail.
Its still the fact yours arent lasting because they dont see whats on offer i.e what they et out of it is worth the cost of what they put in. Sounds like too much hard work.
Maybe they are poor.
You are difficult.
You just havent met the right one.
If you think you are trying, then maybe talk to the exes and find out why they decided to split? they are the ones with the inside experience.
one 28 the other 34 they don't decide to split we have an argument and I break up but unlike other times they give up. If they really liked me and I really liked them no..? to what?
Original post by Eterlianmi
one 28 the other 34 they don't decide to split we have an argument and I break up but unlike other times they give up. If they really liked me and I really liked them no..? to what?
Anyone would get fed-up if they are frequently fighting with someone. That's not an ideal relationship. Sounds like you're pushing these guys to their limits and they have enough of it.
Original post by sinfonietta
Anyone would get fed-up if they are frequently fighting with someone. That's not an ideal relationship. Sounds like you're pushing these guys to their limits and they have enough of it.
So you don't think it's because they don't like me enough?
Sound like you are choosing guys that walk off after short tempestuous relationships.
They are not compatible with you.
Late 20s- early 30s, happy to date a virgin and remain in a sexless relationship until marriage.
Are they religious or from families with an old fashioned outlook?
Some guys that believe in the wait until marriage approach are also committed to ultra traditionalist gender roles where the man is the provider and women are expected to be quiet, submissive, domestic goddesses and always looking beautiful.
They are not compatible with you.
Late 20s- early 30s, happy to date a virgin and remain in a sexless relationship until marriage.
Are they religious or from families with an old fashioned outlook?
Some guys that believe in the wait until marriage approach are also committed to ultra traditionalist gender roles where the man is the provider and women are expected to be quiet, submissive, domestic goddesses and always looking beautiful.
Fighting over things you don't care about is a bad idea and doesn't lead to happy relationships.
Fighting over things you do care about, when there's a non-confrontational way to deal with those issues, is also not great. Most people don't enjoy fighting and won't want to be in a relationship where there's needless argument.
Fighting over things you do care about, when there's a non-confrontational way to deal with those issues, is also not great. Most people don't enjoy fighting and won't want to be in a relationship where there's needless argument.
Original post by Eterlianmi
one 28 the other 34 they don't decide to split we have an argument and I break up but unlike other times they give up. If they really liked me and I really liked them no..? to what?
If you break up what do you expect? By breaking up you are giving them the message that you no longer want to be with them. Maybe the first couple of times they'll fight to get you back, but after that it becomes very tiresome. If it only lasts two months you're obviously breaking up with them after a very short amount it time. Why do you expect these guys to keep coming back to you when you keep pushing them away?
On top of that, you say they are crazy about you, buy you nice gifts and take you out to nice places, so for what reason are you breaking up with them? Petty little reasons? Eventually it becomes too much for anyone. You can't expect anyone to constantly be crazy over you if you're not even being appreciative of those efforts (in both words and actions).
Judging by what you've written, you sound quite entitled. Maybe take a break from relationships to work on yourself first and then try again?
Original post by Eterlianmi
one 28 the other 34 they don't decide to split we have an argument and I break up but unlike other times they give up. If they really liked me and I really liked them no..? to what?
You arent really listening or being objective about this.
Ask the other person.
You have an argument you are unable to resolve. Are you or they just not a good mix?
If you call it a day its your choice.
If they call it a day its their choice.
If they give up its because of what I said they decide its just not worth it and its too much hassle.
I am not seeing why that is so hard to understand?
Original post by Eterlianmi
So you don't think it's because they don't like me enough?
Its the same thing they might have liked you, but not enough to put up with the hassle. You need to start accepting some of this is down to you.
Have you worked out what you have to offer? What they get out of the relationship?
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by 999tigger
Its the same thing they might have liked you, but not enough to put up with the hassle. You need to start accepting some of this is down to you.
Have you worked out what you have to offer? What they get out of the relationship?
Have you worked out what you have to offer? What they get out of the relationship?
If they didn't like me enough then why bother with me?
Original post by Zuruaua
If you break up what do you expect? By breaking up you are giving them the message that you no longer want to be with them. Maybe the first couple of times they'll fight to get you back, but after that it becomes very tiresome. If it only lasts two months you're obviously breaking up with them after a very short amount it time. Why do you expect these guys to keep coming back to you when you keep pushing them away?
On top of that, you say they are crazy about you, buy you nice gifts and take you out to nice places, so for what reason are you breaking up with them? Petty little reasons? Eventually it becomes too much for anyone. You can't expect anyone to constantly be crazy over you if you're not even being appreciative of those efforts (in both words and actions).
Judging by what you've written, you sound quite entitled. Maybe take a break from relationships to work on yourself first and then try again?
On top of that, you say they are crazy about you, buy you nice gifts and take you out to nice places, so for what reason are you breaking up with them? Petty little reasons? Eventually it becomes too much for anyone. You can't expect anyone to constantly be crazy over you if you're not even being appreciative of those efforts (in both words and actions).
Judging by what you've written, you sound quite entitled. Maybe take a break from relationships to work on yourself first and then try again?
Yes you are right. SO you do believe that a guy can relaly like a girl but end up giving up?
Original post by Eterlianmi
Yes you are right. SO you do believe that a guy can relaly like a girl but end up giving up?
Definitely. You can't have the mentality that just because he really likes you he'll put up with being under appreciated and constantly fought with. And you definitely can't expect him to continue to want you when you try to break it off more than once. If someone tried to break up with me after I know I was being really nice to them and giving more than they were giving me, out of knowing my own self worth I would gladly let them walk away, that's their loss. In fact, I'd probably break it off first.
Of course, I don't know what you bring to the relationship, you do. Just as people can really like you, after a while they can start to really not like you. You would know what your issues are better than anyone here, hopefully you can work on them
Original post by Eterlianmi
If they didn't like me enough then why bother with me?
Because they didnt realise what a massive pain in the arse you could become and they fancied their chances of it being a relationship they wanted to be in. They changed their minds when the reality hit them.
Lots of relationships are really good at the beginning but then both of you make less effort and let your guard down and it's then you realise that you might not be that well suited, or maybe that you're better as friends than romantic partners.
You don't need all of your relationships to work - only one needs to. If you think about it, most people only have one successful relationship, the rest end in breakups, for many reasons. Some people have more failed relationships than others before they find "the one", and it's unlikely that you'll find "the one" while you're the age you are as a student.
Just try and enjoy yourself. I know breakups can be hard, but enjoy the good times and push through the bad times, and you will meet your dream guy eventually.
You don't need all of your relationships to work - only one needs to. If you think about it, most people only have one successful relationship, the rest end in breakups, for many reasons. Some people have more failed relationships than others before they find "the one", and it's unlikely that you'll find "the one" while you're the age you are as a student.
Just try and enjoy yourself. I know breakups can be hard, but enjoy the good times and push through the bad times, and you will meet your dream guy eventually
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