help!! think i fancy my best mate

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
we've known each other for about 5 yrs but recently i've been feeling funny around him. i told myself that its just bc i appreciate him as a friend but saturday night we were watching the office and i just wanted to get closer to him... so i leaned my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me and we had a cuddle. maybe that's not what friends normally do but it gets worse because the whole time all i could think of was kissing him...

and i don't want to fancy him!! he's my best mate..... what can i do to make it stop?
0
reply
999tigger
Badges: 19
#2
Report 2 years ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
we've known each other for about 5 yrs but recently i've been feeling funny around him. i told myself that its just bc i appreciate him as a friend but saturday night we were watching the office and i just wanted to get closer to him... so i leaned my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me and we had a cuddle. maybe that's not what friends normally do but it gets worse because the whole time all i could think of was kissing him...

and i don't want to fancy him!! he's my best mate..... what can i do to make it stop?
Keep your distance.
Talk about it.
Maybe you are new to relationships.


This is a common situation.

What you really need to think about is once you let anything happen then the nature of your friendship will change and it will never be the same. You are 95% unlikely ever to be able to return to just being friends if anything happens. Think what you want more?


You are going to have to control yourself.
get a bf or throw yourself into your studies?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#3
(Original post by 999tigger)
Keep your distance.
Talk about it.
Maybe you are new to relationships.


This is a common situation.

What you really need to think about is once you let anything happen then the nature of your friendship will change and it will never be the same. You are 95% unlikely ever to be able to return to just being friends if anything happens. Think what you want more?


You are going to have to control yourself.
get a bf or throw yourself into your studies?
that's the thing, i don't want to like him. he probably doesn't like me back and i dont want to lose him as a friend. so how do i stop these stupid feelings?
0
reply
999tigger
Badges: 19
#4
Report 2 years ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
that's the thing, i don't want to like him. he probably doesn't like me back and i dont want to lose him as a friend. so how do i stop these stupid feelings?
Remind yourself about the poor consequences.
Find someone else upon whom you can bestow your affections.
Stop seeing him.
Dont snuggle up to him?
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#5
Report 2 years ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
that's the thing, i don't want to like him. he probably doesn't like me back and i dont want to lose him as a friend. so how do i stop these stupid feelings?
I'm in this exact situation, except with a girl, and all I can say is:

The best thing to do is remind yourself why he's your FRIEND and not your boyfriend. Maybe make a list of this like I did. I also started writing poetry about her to try and vent my feelings, keep them under control, but I don't think this is the kind of thing that has an instant, cure-all remedy. Maybe it will go away eventually for you.

If you start to feel like you're going to do something impulsive, then remove yourself from that situation (go to the toilet or just say you need a bit of space - they shouldn't mind). And if poetry isn't your thing then do art or science or whatever you like. Just remember to hide it somewhere impenetrable and NEVER name who you're talking about.
0
reply
Vinny C
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#6
Report 2 years ago
#6
Well... his face was always funny but... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hl6E1hEQ4c
0
reply
Jakal01
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#7
Report 2 years ago
#7
Is there a problem with liking your best friend? The best of relationships start and end usually as friends. Developing feelings for someone close to you is definitely normal and shouldnt be worried about. If you dont like having the feelings, then you just need to deal with them. Dont bottle them up as that could be really stupid and really unhealthy for you, but deal with them. From what you've posted I am lead to believe that you are young and likely new to relationships. Dont be afraid of them. If you like him as a person and you think hes attractive then tell him. If he doesnt like you back, then he should just say it you can go back to just being friends. That is my best advice I can give here. Dont be afraid to have attraction to him. Good luck!
0
reply
Ciel.
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#8
Report 2 years ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
we've known each other for about 5 yrs but recently i've been feeling funny around him. i told myself that its just bc i appreciate him as a friend but saturday night we were watching the office and i just wanted to get closer to him... so i leaned my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me and we had a cuddle. maybe that's not what friends normally do but it gets worse because the whole time all i could think of was kissing him...

and i don't want to fancy him!! he's my best mate..... what can i do to make it stop?
Are you gay?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#9
(Original post by 999tigger)
Remind yourself about the poor consequences.
Find someone else upon whom you can bestow your affections.
Stop seeing him.
Dont snuggle up to him?
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm in this exact situation, except with a girl, and all I can say is:

The best thing to do is remind yourself why he's your FRIEND and not your boyfriend. Maybe make a list of this like I did. I also started writing poetry about her to try and vent my feelings, keep them under control, but I don't think this is the kind of thing that has an instant, cure-all remedy. Maybe it will go away eventually for you.

If you start to feel like you're going to do something impulsive, then remove yourself from that situation (go to the toilet or just say you need a bit of space - they shouldn't mind). And if poetry isn't your thing then do art or science or whatever you like. Just remember to hide it somewhere impenetrable and NEVER name who you're talking about.
thanks for those ideas! i'm trying to think of reasons why we should just be friends but the only thing i can think of is that he probably doesn't feel the same way about me and that therefore its better to keep it hidden. that's the main reason. i'm also afraid of embarrassing myself in front of him, ie doing or saying something that gives it away. we're generally pretty comfortable around one another and i don't want anything to get awkward!!

(Original post by Jakal01)
Is there a problem with liking your best friend? The best of relationships start and end usually as friends. Developing feelings for someone close to you is definitely normal and shouldnt be worried about. If you dont like having the feelings, then you just need to deal with them. Dont bottle them up as that could be really stupid and really unhealthy for you, but deal with them. From what you've posted I am lead to believe that you are young and likely new to relationships. Dont be afraid of them. If you like him as a person and you think hes attractive then tell him. If he doesnt like you back, then he should just say it you can go back to just being friends. That is my best advice I can give here. Dont be afraid to have attraction to him. Good luck!
yeah i'm 15 and i've never been with anyone... never been on a date, never kissed, never like properly fancied someone either (until now maybe). it would be easiest to tell him as we share almost everything and it feels wrong keeping a secret from him but i'm afraid of what his reaction will be! maybe it would make things weird between us?

(Original post by Ciel.)
Are you gay?
dont know... i hope not but since i literally want to kiss my best mate it's not looking good for me is it?
0
reply
Ciel.
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#10
Report 2 years ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
thanks for those ideas! i'm trying to think of reasons why we should just be friends but the only thing i can think of is that he probably doesn't feel the same way about me and that therefore its better to keep it hidden. that's the main reason. i'm also afraid of embarrassing myself in front of him, ie doing or saying something that gives it away. we're generally pretty comfortable around one another and i don't want anything to get awkward!!



yeah i'm 15 and i've never been with anyone... never been on a date, never kissed, never like properly fancied someone either (until now maybe). it would be easiest to tell him as we share almost everything and it feels wrong keeping a secret from him but i'm afraid of what his reaction will be! maybe it would make things weird between us?



dont know... i hope not but since i literally want to kiss my best mate it's not looking good for me is it?
Hmm... Do you know if he's gay or bi? Because if he's straight, there's a chance you will ruin your friendship if you confess.
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#11
Report 2 years ago
#11
The fact that you are both boys changes things. Just my perspective, but I think girls would happily cuddle with their male friends like that, even if they weren’t interested romantically.

The fact that he’s 15 and willingly cuddled with you is significant. I don’t think many boys would do that, so he probably has feelings for you too. How many straight boys would cuddle with their male friends?
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#12
Report 2 years ago
#12
I agree with Anon #3. You should try to intiate a hug with him and watch his reaction - does he visibly change? Does he pull you closer? Does he nuzzle you? Because those are signs that he may have more than platonic feelings for you. I can't really help in the boy department, being a girl who loves her very much female best friend (not sure what my label would be ATM) but this is what I've observed some hetero boys to do their girlfriends (I am forever alone lol).

Keep us updated! xx
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#13
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#13
(Original post by Ciel.)
Hmm... Do you know if he's gay or bi? Because if he's straight, there's a chance you will ruin your friendship if you confess.
dont know... we haven't really spoken about that. another close friend of ours thinks he is but she has no evidence, just that he 'gives off a vibe'. whatever that's supposed to mean

(Original post by Anonymous)
The fact that you are both boys changes things. Just my perspective, but I think girls would happily cuddle with their male friends like that, even if they weren’t interested romantically.

The fact that he’s 15 and willingly cuddled with you is significant. I don’t think many boys would do that, so he probably has feelings for you too. How many straight boys would cuddle with their male friends?
do you really think so? girls seem to be very touchy with each other but boys indeed not so much... dont know why that is...

how could i find out if he's gay or likes me?
0
reply
Anonymous #4
#14
Report 2 years ago
#14
Do you think he's homophobic? If not, you could just tell him you're questioning your sexuality. If he's not straight, he might open up to you about his experiences.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#15
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
I agree with Anon #3. You should try to intiate a hug with him and watch his reaction - does he visibly change? Does he pull you closer? Does he nuzzle you? Because those are signs that he may have more than platonic feelings for you. I can't really help in the boy department, being a girl who loves her very much female best friend (not sure what my label would be ATM) but this is what I've observed some hetero boys to do their girlfriends (I am forever alone lol).

Keep us updated! xx
we hug quite a lot and when we do it's often pretty tight and lasts pretty long as well. not how i'd hug my other friends. when one of us had a bad day the other just asks 'hug?' and we pull each other close. v nice. do you think that means he might like me?

(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you think he's homophobic? If not, you could just tell him you're questioning your sexuality. If he's not straight, he might open up to you about his experiences.
he's definitely not homophobic or anything. i want to tell him but i'm scared it'll be 'oh so what makes you think you're not straight?' - what am i gonna say to that?
0
reply
Retired_Messiah
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#16
Report 2 years ago
#16
Ok was gonna respond with some generic "just tell eeemmmm" but thankfully I read the thread and uncovered the gay dimension to the whole thing, which changes my answer considerably.

Presumably if you fancy your best mate the best case scenario is actually getting into a relationship with em. Don't write that off as a possibility, tell him you're questioning your sexuality atm and hopefully he'll open up too, in which case you can work out whether he is or is not the big gay™. If he is, you can consider the "just tell em" plan.

(Original post by Anonymous)
he's definitely not homophobic or anything. i want to tell him but i'm scared it'll be 'oh so what makes you think you're not straight?' - what am i gonna say to that?
Something super generic about how you've recently had some sexual feelings for guys you've seen recently, or that you've been wondering what it'd be like to kiss a dude. Not a lie, and doesn't name him. Best of both.

You don't have to spill your guts about all the specific details whenever you're asked a question my dude.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#17
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#17
i'll tell him about my sexuality later today, if he's free after school that is. never actually considered the possibility of him liking me back...
0
reply
Anonymous #4
#18
Report 2 years ago
#18
Did you tell him?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#19
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#19
so i told him i might like boys, he took it very well! not that i was expecting anything else tbf. and after i told him he hugged me very tightly, v nice. he asked a couple of questions about how i knew and for how long i'd known so i answered those without giving myself away... then he asked why hadn't i told him earlier... so i said it was bc i was afraid it'd change things between us. he said that i shouldn't worry and something about us being best friends so obvs he wouldn't let this change anything. the thing is though, while he was saying this he put his hand on top of mine... and like stroked my wrist with his thumb... probably just to be reassuring though, because he didn't say anything about him liking boys as well. after this he moved his hand away again and asked if i told anyone else and the conversation just moved on to other topics from there idk.
0
reply
Anonymous #4
#20
Report 2 years ago
#20
Honestly what straight dude would react like that?
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you have the space and resources you need to succeed in home learning?

Yes I have everything I need (149)
60.08%
I don't have everything I need (99)
39.92%

Watched Threads

View All