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Withdrawing consent mid-sex, is it rape

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Original post by _InnocentOne_
Then wtf is the point of this
If it's rape get him arrested, if you don't want him to get arrested why bother with accusing him of rape

Shes probably confused about the whole situation and wants other peoples views to process her thoughts and emotions on the incident.
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Avatar for Joleee
Joleee
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OP why do you want to know? is it so you can put a label on it just for your own sake? do you plan on seeing this person again? are you thinking of reporting him?

just wondering because none of us can tell you for certain and half of us don't know if he reasonably believed you consented then legally it is not rape. but legally might not make you feel better at all. you might still feel violated and angry with him or angry with yourself, which i totally get. i hope you have a good friend you can speak to IRL.
Yeah, but of course it might be an honest mistake. Then again it might not be.

Just thinking if I was in that situation where she was clearly liking it at first I might be genuinely confused and not realize she's stopped enjoying it. E.g. I might assume it's something about accidentally hurting her and change my angle and speed idno lol.

But yeah I can see it being genuinely confusing rather than realizing what's happening.

You would probably have a better idea about the type of guy he is and the situation in general to know what the case was.
Original post by _InnocentOne_
Then wtf is the point of this
If it's rape get him arrested, if you don't want him to get arrested why bother with accusing him of rape


I agree with this. What is the point of all of this? If you think a crime has been committed, then fair enough - by all means get police involved.

If not, all that is happening here is that OP is victimising him/herself.
Original post by paul514
Could have misconstrued if it was a bit of role play

That's why you have safewords in role play.
"No" or "stop" means no or stop. It doesnt matter when it is said. The fact you are bringing up victemising is disgusting. Maybe they want to talk about emotions and feelings they do not understand/ are coming to the surface. Unless you have been in this situation, how can you say how someone feels?
Original post by _InnocentOne_
So you want 'them' to get arrested or what

This isn’t about them. I honestly just feel lost. I want to be able to sort out my emotions.
Original post by _InnocentOne_
Then wtf is the point of this
If it's rape get him arrested, if you don't want him to get arrested why bother with accusing him of rape

I’m not accusing anyone, I haven’t revealed his name or anything else. This isn’t about him. This is about me trying to clarify my thoughts and feel less lost.
Original post by Joleee
OP why do you want to know? is it so you can put a label on it just for your own sake? do you plan on seeing this person again? are you thinking of reporting him?

just wondering because none of us can tell you for certain and half of us don't know if he reasonably believed you consented then legally it is not rape. but legally might not make you feel better at all. you might still feel violated and angry with him or angry with yourself, which i totally get. i hope you have a good friend you can speak to IRL.

It’s for my sake, so I don't lose my mind over it. I just want to be able to put a label on it so it might easier for me to accept and move on. It’s been months and I still panic at the idea of sex because I’m scared of putting myself in a situation like this again. I know my situation is a bit weird and thats why I feel so confused.
It's rape. Ignore the people who are giving you other advice. It's definitely rape and you're definitely right to have whatever emotions you're having. Don't feel pressured not to report him and if you feel violated angry or upset, that's understandable and normal.
Original post by FredMadison
Yeah, but of course it might be an honest mistake. Then again it might not be.

Just thinking if I was in that situation where she was clearly liking it at first I might be genuinely confused and not realize she's stopped enjoying it. E.g. I might assume it's something about accidentally hurting her and change my angle and speed idno lol.

But yeah I can see it being genuinely confusing rather than realizing what's happening.

You would probably have a better idea about the type of guy he is and the situation in general to know what the case was.

Yes, I haven’t ruled out the idea that it might be an honest mistake and miscommunication. But I still can’t help but feel completely violated and disgusted with the whole thing and with myself?

To have an idea of what kind of guy he is. He is the type who took pictures and videos of me naked and during sex while I was drunk even though for that part, I clearly said no. There wasn’t no miscommunication on that but he still did. That’s why I’m also not ruling out the fact that he might have decided to ignore my asking him to stop. I know he’s not a good guy, I don’t want arrested. I just want to be at peace with myself.
Original post by Trinculo
I agree with this. What is the point of all of this? If you think a crime has been committed, then fair enough - by all means get police involved.

If not, all that is happening here is that OP is victimising him/herself.

Your reply makes me genuinely want to cry. Have you no understanding of how the mind works? How wondering about all this has driven me crazy? This isn’t about the legal side of it, or about pointing fingers. I just want to be okay again, not feel completely crazy for thinking I’ve been violated. I just want people’s point of view on what happened.
Original post by EmCharles
"No" or "stop" means no or stop. It doesnt matter when it is said. The fact you are bringing up victemising is disgusting. Maybe they want to talk about emotions and feelings they do not understand/ are coming to the surface. Unless you have been in this situation, how can you say how someone feels?

Thank you
Original post by figuringstuffout
Your reply makes me genuinely want to cry. Have you no understanding of how the mind works? How wondering about all this has driven me crazy? This isn’t about the legal side of it, or about pointing fingers. I just want to be okay again, not feel completely crazy for thinking I’ve been violated. I just want people’s point of view on what happened.


The internet is a horrible place and you shouldn't need to listen to these people's opinions on you. Many men are defensive about rape because they themselves are very insecure about how they behave sexually. Call a rape helpline and have a long conversation with them the line opens at 7pm, ignore these buttheads.

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/
Original post by figuringstuffout
Your reply makes me genuinely want to cry. Have you no understanding of how the mind works? How wondering about all this has driven me crazy? This isn’t about the legal side of it, or about pointing fingers. I just want to be okay again, not feel completely crazy for thinking I’ve been violated. I just want people’s point of view on what happened.


I'm not unsympathetic, but what I see here is you trying to decide the status of what has happened, rather than what actually happened.

You already know what happened, and I'm not sure what good asking other people for their opinion will do.

You must have some idea of what the answer to your question is - but I'd like to ask why there is doubt in your mind. Would you feel differently if every single person on here said something that contradicted how you feel?
Original post by figuringstuffout
Your reply makes me genuinely want to cry. Have you no understanding of how the mind works? How wondering about all this has driven me crazy? This isn’t about the legal side of it, or about pointing fingers. I just want to be okay again, not feel completely crazy for thinking I’ve been violated. I just want people’s point of view on what happened.

If you told these people you said "yes, yes, yes" but internally were not 100% down with it, these inexperienced kids would tell you that you were raped. You're not going to get help with your emotions from the dopes on here. See a counsellor if your emotions are all up in the air, not GCSE students on TSR.
Reading through the thread, yes that's definitely classed as rape & you should get the police involved to get rid of the pictures and recording as theres a 90% chance thats going to be spread around. A video of a girl from another school masturbating was spread around so much that everyone in both my year and the year below has either seen or had it on their phone at some point.
Original post by Trinculo
I'm not unsympathetic, but what I see here is you trying to decide the status of what has happened, rather than what actually happened.

You already know what happened, and I'm not sure what good asking other people for their opinion will do.

You must have some idea of what the answer to your question is - but I'd like to ask why there is doubt in your mind. Would you feel differently if every single person on here said something that contradicted how you feel?

I know the facts, I know what happened. What I can’t understand is how to interpret what happened. I’ve been refusing to call it rape because the idea of rape I’ve been taught is that someone who’s been raped is someone who didn’t or couldn’t give consent from the START. That’s not what happened in my situation so I feel genuinely confused as to what to call it.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by figuringstuffout
I know the facts, I know what happened. What I can’t understand isn’t how to interpret what happened. I’ve been refusing to call it rape because the idea of rape I’ve been taught is that someone who’s been raped is someone who didn’t or couldn’t give consent from the START. That’s not what happened in my situation so I feel genuinely confused as to what to call it.


I understand exactly what you are saying. I don't understand how it will change anything for the better.

If people tell you "yes that is rape" how would that change how you feel, as you already feel bad about it? Equally, if people said "no, what happened is ok" would you suddenely feel better?

My point is, you already feel a certain way about events - I don't see how asking for the opinion of others would change that. Previously, you said you weren't interested in a legal side - but that is absolutely what you are asking. I can't see how being told what the law is (in the opinion of strangers on the internet) is going to put you at peace with yourself.
Just finished reading & I feel bad for you (imo I think that it counts as rape & you should get those pictures/videos he took remove with or without the police if necessary) but have you called the help line? because it there’s legit nothing anyone on this website can do except talk to strangers, which may lead you to feeling even worse.

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