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What to do about very keen/needy girl...
Hi chaps,
A couple of months ago or so, a friend I work with told me she really 'liked' me. I like her too, she's lovely, and in the moment I said I really liked her too, and we started texting with stupid frequency but it was all good fun and it was quite nice to hear how much she liked me as she kept telling me, and how much she was thinking about me.
Now, about a month-6 weeks on, the novelty has well and truly worn off. She is still bombarding me with texts, still going on about much she can't stop thinking of me, and I've not replied for about a week, with the excuse that my phone has broken (yes, cowardly, I know!). But it's doing my head in, the constant neediness, the constant declarations of how much she likes me. Then if I agree to meet up or something, she'll say how she doesn't think we should because "I don't seem too keen". Wtf? I suggested it ffs!! She seems to want me to declare how much I like her back, which I'm just not going to do because I don't want to string her along.
However, twist number two, is that I'm a virgin and feel it'd be silly to cut my ties with such great opportunity. (Guys will relate to this point more than girls, I'm sure!) I'm off on holiday with 7 mates this summer and would really like to lose my virginity before then, and I'd happily do so with this girl, but she isn't my ideal choice. I'd much rather lose my virginity to a girl I fancy the pants off, rather than one I'm just 'settling' for. But then again I want to lose it before the holiday! Arrgghh!
So basically, I've no idea what to tell her. I like her, but not as much as I did at first. I don't want to string her along relationship-wise, but I also don't want to cut my ties with such a good opportunity to lose my V-plates.
I know I should tell her the truth, but then she could well get annoyed that I didn't tell her sooner. Plus, I have to work with her indefinitely.
Help!
A couple of months ago or so, a friend I work with told me she really 'liked' me. I like her too, she's lovely, and in the moment I said I really liked her too, and we started texting with stupid frequency but it was all good fun and it was quite nice to hear how much she liked me as she kept telling me, and how much she was thinking about me.
Now, about a month-6 weeks on, the novelty has well and truly worn off. She is still bombarding me with texts, still going on about much she can't stop thinking of me, and I've not replied for about a week, with the excuse that my phone has broken (yes, cowardly, I know!). But it's doing my head in, the constant neediness, the constant declarations of how much she likes me. Then if I agree to meet up or something, she'll say how she doesn't think we should because "I don't seem too keen". Wtf? I suggested it ffs!! She seems to want me to declare how much I like her back, which I'm just not going to do because I don't want to string her along.
However, twist number two, is that I'm a virgin and feel it'd be silly to cut my ties with such great opportunity. (Guys will relate to this point more than girls, I'm sure!) I'm off on holiday with 7 mates this summer and would really like to lose my virginity before then, and I'd happily do so with this girl, but she isn't my ideal choice. I'd much rather lose my virginity to a girl I fancy the pants off, rather than one I'm just 'settling' for. But then again I want to lose it before the holiday! Arrgghh!
So basically, I've no idea what to tell her. I like her, but not as much as I did at first. I don't want to string her along relationship-wise, but I also don't want to cut my ties with such a good opportunity to lose my V-plates.
I know I should tell her the truth, but then she could well get annoyed that I didn't tell her sooner. Plus, I have to work with her indefinitely.
Help!
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Mmm to me it seems she's not the type who would be up for anything other than a relationship.
My verdict: abort mission El Capitan
My verdict: abort mission El Capitan
She's just come out of a 5 year relationship, and said she has given up on long term ones. But whether she meant that or not, I don't know. She's made it perfectly clear that she is up for sex to which I responded positively (naturally!). I just don't really know what to do! I can't really say, after getting my leg over, "actually I'm not up for any kind of relationship, laters!"
Joist
She's just come out of a 5 year relationship, and said she has given up on long term ones. But whether she meant that or not, I don't know. She's made it perfectly clear that she is up for sex to which I responded positively (naturally!). I just don't really know what to do! I can't really say, after getting my leg over, "actually I'm not up for any kind of relationship, laters!"
Wow wow wow
Back to the command room.
Go for it, if she's up for sex and nothing more then it won't be a problem.
Ditch her in the kindest way possible.
Why do you HAVE to lose it before the holiday? For bragging reasons? If so - lie. Most of the others will be.
Seriously, if you use her for sex she'll probably go even more psycho on you. She sounds like the type to fake pregnancy to keep you and such.
And aside from anything, screwing around with her emotions so you can get your leg over isn't nice in the SLIGHTEST, although I'm sure you know that.
Get rid of her, and do both of you a favour.
Why do you HAVE to lose it before the holiday? For bragging reasons? If so - lie. Most of the others will be.
Seriously, if you use her for sex she'll probably go even more psycho on you. She sounds like the type to fake pregnancy to keep you and such.
And aside from anything, screwing around with her emotions so you can get your leg over isn't nice in the SLIGHTEST, although I'm sure you know that.
Get rid of her, and do both of you a favour.
Joist
She's just come out of a 5 year relationship, and said she has given up on long term ones. But whether she meant that or not, I don't know. She's made it perfectly clear that she is up for sex to which I responded positively (naturally!). I just don't really know what to do! I can't really say, after getting my leg over, "actually I'm not up for any kind of relationship, laters!"
You can. It's her fault in the end, if she gives it up to someone shes not sure whether she can get a relationship with. She's made it clear she wants sex, I don't see the problem with dashing after getting it.
Edit: Though the above make a good point with the fact she might fake a pregnancy or something to keep you.
chances are, if you sleep with her, she'll get the wrong idea and you'll get bombarded with even more neediness. plus its unfair on her. and if you're so desperate to lose your virginity before you go on holiday, have a one night stand with someone. BUT if that doesn't happen, then maybe you're better off losing it on holiday, so if it turns out to be an embarassing ordeal whatever happens in that place - stays at that place.
Just tell her she's a needy girl, I'm sure you can tell this when you look in those big brown eyes of hers. She seems to want your world, but how can you do hers if she won't do yours? You can try to change, but somehow it'll be strange and you won't feel the same.
It seems to me that its all about what she wants, what she says and how she plays the game.
It seems to me that its all about what she wants, what she says and how she plays the game.
Mmm. Tricky due to the work situation.
If you didnt' work with her i'd say.
"Sex and run".
But because you do, i'd try and find another potential female love interest, while seeing this one....then once you have another opportunity to "loose your v-plates", then tell the other one the truth. And deal with the now very sour grapes.
I think that's called being a player....but hey. She's going to get hurt anyway, might aswell be at a time convenient for you!
If you didnt' work with her i'd say.
"Sex and run".
But because you do, i'd try and find another potential female love interest, while seeing this one....then once you have another opportunity to "loose your v-plates", then tell the other one the truth. And deal with the now very sour grapes.
I think that's called being a player....but hey. She's going to get hurt anyway, might aswell be at a time convenient for you!
DirtyHarry
Wow wow wow
Back to the command room.
Go for it, if she's up for sex and nothing more then it won't be a problem.
Back to the command room.
Go for it, if she's up for sex and nothing more then it won't be a problem.
I'd bet any money that she's not.
She's obviously sensed you're not too interested, which is what the whole 'you don't seem keen' thing is about, and is trying desperately to cling onto you.
Seriously, it WILL be a problem.
If you want clarification, sit down and tell her specifically that you don't want a long term relationship. If you can get her to agree to 'just sex', then I suppose it's fair enough - but don't work on the assumption!
And for her sake, please try and establish whether or not she means it, or is just trying to cling to you xD
Thing is though Harry, she'd probably take sex as a "next step of the relationship" thing. I could perhaps tell her beforehand that I don't want a relationship, but that requires balls which it appears I lack!
I don't have to lose it before the holiday, it'd just be nice. If I don't, losing my virginity while there will be a big priority, and if I fail, it'll put a downer on the holiday. By getting my end away before I go, it eliminates that possiblility!
I know I shouldn't mess her about, but telling her exactly how I feel could go down a bit badly, and as I have to work with her indefinitely, this isn't ideal.
Thanks everyone so far.
I don't have to lose it before the holiday, it'd just be nice. If I don't, losing my virginity while there will be a big priority, and if I fail, it'll put a downer on the holiday. By getting my end away before I go, it eliminates that possiblility!
I know I shouldn't mess her about, but telling her exactly how I feel could go down a bit badly, and as I have to work with her indefinitely, this isn't ideal.
Thanks everyone so far.
Emerly, I did that! At work, she said "What've you been up to this week then?" To which I replied for a laugh/hint- "Replying to all your texts!" I lol'd, even if she didn't! A quick "I'm joking, I'm joking" sorted it out though. She took the hint for about a week but has recently knocked it on the head.
T_ucd, that's my main train of thought really...
T_ucd, that's my main train of thought really...
Guys perspective, nice and simple:
Do you think she's hot? If yes, **** her, but tell her that you wanna break up when the summer starts, cause you're going away with friends, etc. If not, dump her.
P.S. Use a condom. Otherwise you will be told she's pregnant, and you can't know for sure.
Do you think she's hot? If yes, **** her, but tell her that you wanna break up when the summer starts, cause you're going away with friends, etc. If not, dump her.
P.S. Use a condom. Otherwise you will be told she's pregnant, and you can't know for sure.
You do NOT wanna wake up with her after sex, trust me...go out and have a one-nighter instead, no strings attached. As for her, just be honest, tell her that klingy girls turn you off, thats it.
And you probably won't have any problems getting laid on holiday either, unless you look like...
..ehh..you know...
Best of luck
And you probably won't have any problems getting laid on holiday either, unless you look like...
..ehh..you know...Best of luck
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