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Broken and desperately need help

I'll try to summarise as much as I can to make the read easier.

So, between the ages of 9-11 years, I grew incredibly close to a girl. My younger and inept self told her that I liked her, probably not knowing what I was talking about, but I said it anyway. She replied "we're too young for this stuff."

I didn't care much to be honest and carried on as normal. Myself and this girl stopped talking for 5 years. We came into contact again at the age of 16 and connected again, even better than before. She was reluctant to get into a relationship, but eased up after a few months. We went on to enjoy an entire year of a relationship, being intimate, going out and having fun. We even helped each other with our studies.

Now, in the August just gone, she decided that she just wasn't ready to be in a relationship any longer. It was, in her own words, "the right guy but the wrong place and time". I was broken by this as I love her. I've gone through significant surgery and a car crash, but she was there with me the entire time.

I still felt like breaking things off, despite her support through these months, as I love her too much to settle for "friends". However, she begged and pleaded that we stay friends and keeps reminding me that "there is a possibility that we'll get together again.... if it's meant to be it'll be...." blah blah blah. I gave her 4 entire months of this "friendship" that she asked for, despite never wanting to be "just friends", but now it's killing me, slowly. I'm at my wits end and ready to say goodbye... I mean, it's like she said, if it's meant to be it'll be, me hanging around doesn't change that right?

Yet, I'm going through an internal conflict. A part of me feels like if I hold out it'll work, but I know it's delusional. I guess I just need to hear it from an unbiased party - am I right in planning on ending our "friendship" or is it stupid, and a reckless decision?

Reply 1

londonmyst

I don't think totally ending the friendship is necessarily the best thing to do.
You could give her some space, limit face to face contact, briefly message each other a couple of times a week and try making some new friends too.
You have been through a lot with the car accident and surgery, things may have got too intense for a while and need to calm down.
You need to recuperate and stop emotionally investing so much in a single relationship- whether it turns out to be friendship or more.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by londonmyst

Thanks for the reply!

I've considered that too. The problem is, I don't ever message her first. My intention has always been to avoid asking her for her attention, as she's the one who doesn't want the 'relationship vibe'. Despite this, she is constantly messaging me, on a daily basis, calling me everyday, in fact, she even signed up to the gym I go to, just to train with me. It's killing me because she's suffocating me and asks for my attention so often, yet only wants to be friends. I guess, some time apart would do me wonders, but I fear when we go back to being friends after that time apart, things'll go back to the way they were... me being reminded that we're just friends, whilst she is constantly requiring the attention of a boyfriend from me.