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Please tell me along what grade this piece of writing would get watch

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    Sybil Birling seems to regard everyone as beneath her which may because of her social superiority; this is supported by ‘I’m Mrs Birling, y’know’, Priestley’s character of Mrs Birling is therefore central to the play due to their representation of the upper class and is symbolic of the social elite in the Edwardian society. Her character is combined with Mr Birling to emphasises the idea of the older generation being stubborn and not easily impressionable like the young as we can see in the characters of Eric and Sheila.
    As well as this Sybil seems to be ignorant of less fortunate people who are struggling without the Welfare state which the audience know through dramatic irony will come a lot later through the lead of the Labour party. Her myopic view of everything around her seems to stop her from understanding what Eva’s going through and create a sense of separation between the almost like what Sheila describes as how they ‘mustn’t try to build up a kind of wall’. This metaphor is effective is powerful in explaining how the social classes are creating a type of physical barrier that only the younger generation like Sheila can see; this emphasises how the younger generation can only see the class separation therefore foreshadowing that the younger generation are more impressionable unlike Sybil and Mr Birling, the older generation who stick to their ways. This is also enforced by the stage directions that describe her as speaking ‘bitterly’ and ‘triumphantly’. The use of these adverbs are effective n showing her self-centred manner which is Priestley’s way of implying the older generation higher class capitalist people are not very impressionable compared to the longer generation who can be so he is saying that the Elizabethan people should be teaching the younger generation as they can be changed to socialists to make society a better place. We also know that Priestley makes Sybil be selfish in this way to emphasis the message through how she acts towards Eva. During the time when Eva visited Sybil’s Brumley women’s charity organisation, Sybil begins to judge Eva on her class as she is pregnant without a husband and explains how her situation was ‘gross impertinence- quite deliberate- and naturally that was one of the things that prejudiced me against the case’. Sybil’s use of the phrase ‘quite deliberate’ is effective in explaining how it wasn’t actually her fault and the use of dramatic irony is effective as audience know her situation wasn’t delibrate at all and that her class is not her fault and Sybil made the decision because of how she looked which shows the prejudice at the time in the Edwardian period. We also know she used her class to her advantage when she explained how she was the ‘most prominent member of the committee’; the use of this effective in showing how she feels like she stands out and is the centre of attention and only focus rather than Eva who should actually be focused on because she is the person who needs help and is actually the focus of the charity or should be, the use of irony is effective her so Priestley can show the audience how bad it was in 1912 and how people should not be treated like this as well as how bad capitalist ideals are through Mrs Birling represented as the embodiment of it mirrored with Mr Birling. The use of the adjective ‘prominent’ is effective in showing how she uses her image in society rather than her idea of what would be best for Eva first which represents her as selfish.
    Moreover, the idea of how she looks in society seems to always come first for Sybil. This is shown through how later on in the play during the time she is being inspected the painful use of dramatic irony is used to emphasises the stupidity of the Capitalist figures in the play. She explains what she said to Eva when telling her how the committee were not going to help her, this was how she should ‘go and look for the father of the child. It is his responsibility.’ The dramatic irony is effective as the audience know that the father of the child is actually Eric, Sybil’s son which therefore enhances the capitalist Sybil’s stupidity because she has just put Eric in an impossible position which counters his higher class position in Sybil’s eyes as he and Eva could never be together as she is a lower class to him. The use of the declarative sentence saying ‘it is his responsibility’ is effective in showing how fitting in with society is all Sybil can think about even if it put her family in an impossible position. The noun ‘responsibility’ is effective because it has connotations of looking after, caring for and giving money which is ironic as Eric is higher class so should have a lot but is an obvious alcoholic as we know from how he is regularly described as ‘squiffy’ by Sheila and other characters.
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    No idea what play this is or what mark it would get but it needs some serious proofreading. Inappropriate semi-colons, random capitals, lack of subject-verb agreement. It gives me a headache to even try and read.

    Shorten your sentences to improve readability.
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    I would like to be generous and suggest this is a piece of writing that merits a good grade. However that is impossible. There are three weaknesses in this piece of writing.

    First:- You have not employed a formal critical essay structure such as PEEL. These structures - such as PEEL - enable the student to formalise their essay into a formal academic structure which makes it easier for the marker to read. The "P" part of PEEL means "point." Each paragraph/section should begin with a key statement. Each "P" and paragraph/section should be listed in the logical chronology that you feel best answers the question set. You do not follow any formal structure and therefore effectively your essay is -all over the place - and that makes it very difficult to read and follow. In addition using a formal essay structure informs the marker that you are a serious literature student.

    Second:- Your skills errors - spelling, punctuation, grammar - are significantly pronounced. That, as I tell my classes, is a serious fault that will bring down the best essay and possibly even fail a top essay. Literacy is an issue of considerable importance and speaks volumes about your ability in the subject.

    Third:- Not only do you not answer the question you do not head your essay with a copy of the question that you are attempting to answer. It appears that the question you have been set is: "In what way is Mrs Birling central to the play." An Inspector Call" Though there is some attempt at answering the question set, the attempt is swamped by sentences such as this.

    This metaphor is effective is powerful in explaining how the social classes are creating a type of physical barrier that only the younger generation like Sheila can see; this emphasises how the younger generation can only see the class separation therefore foreshadowing that the younger generation are more impressionable unlike Sybil and Mr Birling, the older generation who stick to their ways.

    I have no idea what it is you are trying to say.

    However if I understood I would also realise that that paragraph, like the essay itself is full of assertion. There is no analysis ? let alone evaluation. I automatically fail - and very badly fair - any student who does not apply analysis and evaluation to their critical writing. An assertive essay is a failed essay in my book.

    Conclusion:- It gives me no pleasure to inform you that not only is this a fail it is a very poor fail. In Scotland the lowest band is 0 - 5. I would be tempted to give you 0 but I might give up to 2. It is well below even a borderline pass. On a positive not you have clearly read the play and have formed some ideas about the play. If you had attended to the above weaknesses this would be quite a good pass. So it is a pity that you knowledge of the play is quite good but your application of a critical essay is really poor.
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    (Original post by jamesg2)
    First:- You have not employed a formal critical essay structure such as PEEL. These structures - such as PEEL - enable the student to formalise their essay into a formal academic structure which makes it easier for the marker to read. The "P" part of PEEL means "point." Each paragraph/section should begin with a key statement. Each "P" and paragraph/section should be listed in the logical chronology that you feel best answers the question set. You do not follow any formal structure and therefore effectively your essay is -all over the place - and that makes it very difficult to read and follow. In addition using a formal essay structure informs the marker that you are a serious literature student.
    I guess I have obviously never been a serious literature student then! My essay structures have always felt very flimsy (besides the slightly blocky format of one paragraph being dedicated to a certain aspect of analysis like language or structure) relative to this PEEL-esque stuff (unless I was adopting this method unconsciously).
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    There are a number of issues to be able to succeed in literary analysis.

    First have read and have an opinion of a literary text. From what I read of your work you have read and understood the text. Indeed you appear to have ideas and opinions.

    However.

    First it is essential that your writing is written in a manner others can follow. It is not a sign of excellent criticism if the reader has to fight to follow and understand what it is you wish to say.

    Second criticism is easier to follow if the writer follows a formal structure. I use SQAE [ Statement Quote Analysis Evaluation ] But other follows a similar structure. Although some students do not use a formal structure - most do. It is a good support for analysis.

    Third understand the question set. In the above case about the importance of Mrs Birling in the play the best thing to do is sit down and jot down up to three or four reasons reasons why - in your opinion - she is important to the play.

    Fourth for each point explain why that moment is important. What does Mrs B do in that moment that makes the moment important and how does what she says prove/establish that. And most important what is your opinion of Mrs B. in this moment and why do you think that.

    Follow that process and you should find critical essays much easier.

    I know I am a very demanding teacher and maybe I was a little too critical of your work. If so I appologise. However English criticism - once you have grasped the process it is not as impossible as you first thought it might be. The golden rule of criticism is to have an opinion about the text and be able with reference to the text to explain why you feel as you do about a text.

    Finally, do not give up. The study and discussion of literature is a wonderful and enlightening experience.
 
 
 
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