Okay, this is going to be long so brace yourselves.
For about a year now, I have been hanging out with a guy in my class after school every single day. To keep him anonymous, let's just call him John (although his real name isn't really that much more exciting). What I have discovered is that he is extremely dull. Everyday, John and I will take a cab down from school to McDonalds, and we'll order something to eat and then we'll talk while eating. The conversations we have are always monotonous, unmemorable and shallow.
Through these conversations, it has always been me who starts a conversations. It is always me that contributes more to them. It is always me that tries to keep this friendship alive. I love to talk. John hates to talk. It works for us until I start to get tired of listening to myself. He knows that I'm talkative and wild and that I've experienced more than him. He knows the kind of person that I am and I'm pretty sure he loves being around me because I entertain him so much by sharing gossip and telling jokes and stories.
However, I find John so, so, boring. And this is why: I've gotten to know him too, and I am very observant. Here are a list of things I'd like to share with all of you:
- He doesn't have any friends outside our class (which only totals 22).
- His existing friendships are not strong.
- He's never been in a romantic relationship, and he's never expressed a liking for anyone either.
- He doesn't go out very often.
- And as a result, he's never smoked or had a drink, not even as simple as a beer.
- In other words, he's never experienced anything, and I know so as I'm close with his older brother and his whole family.
- He hasn't seen many, many movies, especially the big ones, such as Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, The Matrix, Pirates of the Carribean, Titanic, etc... He hates romance movies, he hates horror movies, he hates comedies. I think he only likes war movies, however, he doesn't like many of those either.
- He doesn't watch any TV shows, even after I've recommended the best of them to him.
- He has eleven artists in his iTunes. ELEVEN. And he doesn't have any female artists. Not a single one.
- He is extremely, extremely culturally unaware, for example:
- He fails to recognize who Nicole Kidman, Julia Roberts or Catherine-Zeta Jones are.
- He has no idea who Obama, Clinton and McCain are.
- He doesn't know anything about literature. He hates reading.
- He doesn't play any instruments, except the piano, or any sports, except badminton.
- He likes playing computer games, but he's not the best at them.
- We live in Hong Kong, however, we go to an international school. You would expect him to know some Chinese, as he is Chinese, but he isn't bilingual at all.
- He's an average ABC-achieving student at school.
- He never volunteers to do anything. He has very little initiative, with abstract things like maintaining a friendship, as mentioned earlier.
- He does not gossip.
- Because he does not care about anyone else.
- To be harsh, he has no personality, he has little opinions, and everything he knows, or expresses, is the knowledge and the views of other people around him.
So recently, I've been ignoring him because I just think that going to McDonalds is a waste of my time, my potential to do other things and my money. He talks about the saltiness of the fries and he makes 'your mom' jokes all the time.
Believe me, I am not one to ignore people and block them out. I always fail in doing so even if I want to. I've tried to confront him about it, and to be open to his response, but it makes me angry all over again.
I told him why I'm ignoring him. And he replied by saying that I have the right in thinking whatever I want to. But in the end, I am over the top, and all of this is petty.
Petty? I may say a lot, and I accept that people might not be happy with listening to all that I have to say. But to tell me that it's petty, meaning small and unimportant, whoa, whoa, whoa, take a step back, mister hypocrite. By his logic, people should only open their mouths when they have something large and significant to say. In my three years of knowing him, he has never said anything of that sort. Petty? How dare he, I say.
And to call me over the top, that's fine. But that's my personality and I'm not going to go off ranting about "That's me" and "I'm never going to change that". Because I do make changes to myself to adapt to other people. But why must I dial down my personality? What I have done wrong by sharing funny jokes and anecdotes? Or sharing intimate details about my personal life? Why do I have to throw away my character, when it really should be him who should get some instead?
Petty? Seriously?
Anyway, this is making me angry all over again. I'm gonna cool off now. But um, anyone have any advice as to what I should do next? Should I even bother trying again and again to get him to change his ways, get him to express himself more? Or should I adapt myself better to him, after a year of being close with him, so I can tolerate his monotony? Or should I continue to ignore him, find joy in other people and other things, and leave him alone?
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. I know I'm sounding shallow and that the guy's pretty dead-on when he's calling me petty. But ultimately, I want to help him. It sure sounds like I'm the biggest male bitch ever, but I just think it's a shame he isn't sociable. I am not sociable myself, and I am not and do not want to be popular. I just think that he is capable of more and I don't think he's happy with being who he is.
He's incredibly upset because I'm ignoring him. On one hand, I expect that it'll be redundant if I try to help him or talk to him more because we've been together for a year and all that's happened is that he's driven my initiative down because he wants to talk and I don't. But the way it's been going is that he just doesn't have anything to say, because he finds it so difficult to formulate original thought. I do try to shut up, honestly. And maybe I didn't say that enough. But on the other hand,the bottom line is, I believe I'm trying to help him, which is why I'm asking for your advice.