Too self conscious/nervous to give boyfriend handjob/blowjob
Hi everyone and merry Christmas, I’ve come here to discuss something that’s really starting to become an issue in my relationship. I have known my boyfriend for around a year a half but we have been dating for 6 months. We have been sexually active for around 1 year however in all this time I still have never given him a handjob or a blowjob... I just feel an overwhelming sense of fear and self consciousness as soon as I even begin to imagine doing stuff to him and he tends to just not care and let it go. However, our sex life has basically turned in to him doing everything because I’m just terrified that as soon as I do something it won’t be good enough and I’ll just be so embarrassed. He is a lovely guy, we have a genuine friendship beneath our relationship and our humour matches perfectly; I would say I’m completely comfortable with him but I still can’t bring myself to do things during our sex because I get so self conscious. He has never ever made me feel self conscious or not good enough so I can’t think of why I’m so scared. He is starting to worry that he isn’t good enough and that there is some “secret reason” why I won’t do it and recently our sex life has deteriorated because he feels he has to do everything which is obviously less exciting for him. I love him and I really want to please him, thinking about it brings me to tears because I know I’m being pathetic but every time I think about it I feel so embarrassed and cringe because I just don’t think I’m good enough. I keep telling him to wait until I’m drunk but even then I’m not confident in myself. He has never made me do anything I don’t want to and he always say wait until you’re comfortable but it’s basically been an entire year and I still freak out. The funny thing is I’ve been in serious relationships before and experimented largely with sex and so I do have experience whereas he has never had a girlfriend but yet I’m the one who is so terrified. I just don’t know what to do, it wasn’t a problem before but it’s ruining our sex life and its causes arguments between us because I don’t see why we should be together if he is unhappy and I am uncomfortable but surely it’s not something that should tear us apart. I don’t know what more I can do but the more time that goes on the more I worry that I’m becoming boring to him and that I’m destroying what we have together. I know at the start of our relationship I wasn’t ready to be with a boy again and so I would sometimes blame it on that but it has been months and months and nothing has changed. I know there isn’t much anyone else can do but I was just wondering if anyone has felt this useless before and how can I bring myself to please him?
I’m so sorry you feel this way, you seem extremely upset.
In his case communication is key and you need to tell him how you feel, he will understand and he will help and guide you to doing things correctly!
Don’t keep anything a secret or bottle your feeling because this will make it worse and it may lead to bad things.
Tell him how you feel and that your scared, or else he may think he’s doing something wrong or he may think he’s not pleasing you as you said.
Don’t be nervous and believe in yourself! I hope all goes well!
In his case communication is key and you need to tell him how you feel, he will understand and he will help and guide you to doing things correctly!
Don’t keep anything a secret or bottle your feeling because this will make it worse and it may lead to bad things.
Tell him how you feel and that your scared, or else he may think he’s doing something wrong or he may think he’s not pleasing you as you said.
Don’t be nervous and believe in yourself! I hope all goes well!
Start slow and build up. Whilst I'm not suggesting you drink every time a bit of alcohol can lower inhibitions and maybe make this easier. Don't feel that it's something once you start you have to complete. A bit of a touch, a bit of a kiss are all nice foreplay.
At the end of the day sex is way better than BJ/HJ anyway.
At the end of the day sex is way better than BJ/HJ anyway.
i think the only way to get over something like this is to just do it. it'll be hard and i know you'll be super nervous but once you'd tried it once it'll get easier. definitely talk to him about how you feel and then you'll know that when you do try, he won't be expecting you to be amazing or know exactly what you're doing. He seems like a great guy and i'm sure he's perfectly happy letting you try things out on him even if it doesn't feel amazing at first! maybe get him to tell you what he likes and he can sort of guide you through it. maybe even watch some porn and just take notice of what they're doing with their hands and stuff during bjs/hjs. sex is about having fun and trying new things please don't stress too much and just try and enjoy pleasuring him!
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- I [23M] had an argument with gf [23F] over the topic of oral sex. Can you please prov
- Struggling with Sex
- have a fear and insecurity of oral sex
- Very short girl
- I can’t make my boyfriend *** and it’s ruining my self esteem
- Worried about genital warts
- Ugly anus after piles, ruined my confidence...
- Phimosis/frenulum breve - sex with condom possible?
- Self-conscious about Autism.
- My boyfriend thinks im too silent during....
- Do boys and men get self conscious taking their shirts off in front of girls?
- How can I convince my PE teacher to let me wear a rash guard in swimming?
- Will my girlfriend care I have phimosis?
- Get really red and face feels weird when speaking to someone
- Am I silly for not wanting my boyfriend to watch love island
- I can only make myself orgasm with one hand-is this unusual?
- I'm afriad of my a-level math teachers
- Struggling after a breakup
- Will I ever be loved?
- First time in the cinema
