If i don't want to get married, is that a sin? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#1
I'm 19 and a Muslim. I really don't want to get married not at the moment, I don't know if my thought processes will change in the future.
My parents are discussing marriage and even looking for someone but I just have no interest in the opposite sex. I don't know If I'll feel like this forever but at the moment I really have no interest.
I'm so confused and also upset
I don't want to hurt my family and go against them and I'm trying to be firm but I'm just so sensitive!
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Anonymous #2
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#2
Are you gay? And obviously your Muslim so that is going to be an issue
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Anonymous #1
#3
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#3
I'm unsure., still trhing to figure things put, may be.... as I do not look twice at males.
But parents want me to get married.
If I end up listening to them, I cannot hurt them or anyone and am willing to hide my feelings for their happiness. 9/10 I'm sure the marriage will not work out will it? I mean, I can only guess but like 1 month ,3 months,1year after the marriage may break, even though I'll be forcing my interests to one side, the male will maybe want to do things.... how will I if I have no interest???????
This is all so upsetting and confusing for me at the moment;(
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Muslim17
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#4
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Listen at this age it's normal to not want marriage that does not mean you are gay. Media and the society we are in these days make us believe that something is wrong or different with us, which is mostly not the case so give yourself time. Ask your parents to give you time. I myself never even thought of marriage till 26 but i was and am not a gay, but now i am willing to get married. People change, their priorities change, some people want to find 'THE ONE' to feel like getting married. You are in such a tender age so please don't confuse yourself, seek help from Allah. May Allah keep you on the right path Ameen
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lll...,,,
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#5
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 19 and a Muslim. I really don't want to get married not at the moment, I don't know if my thought processes will change in the future.
My parents are discussing marriage and even looking for someone but I just have no interest in the opposite sex. I don't know If I'll feel like this forever but at the moment I really have no interest.
I'm so confused and also upset
I don't want to hurt my family and go against them and I'm trying to be firm but I'm just so sensitive!
an almighty imaginary figure will send lightning upon you and smite you with his godly power
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sinfonietta
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#6
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You're still young so don't worry about it.

I'm 7-8yrs older than you and I have no desire to get married either.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Muslim17)
Listen at this age it's normal to not want marriage that does not mean you are gay. Media and the society we are in these days make us believe that something is wrong or different with us, which is mostly not the case so give yourself time. Ask your parents to give you time. I myself never even thought of marriage till 26 but i was and am not a gay, but now i am willing to get married. People change, their priorities change, some people want to find 'THE ONE' to feel like getting married. You are in such a tender age so please don't confuse yourself, seek help from Allah. May Allah keep you on the right path Ameen
Thank you for the support.

You see I'm 19 and I've never been in into males so whether I am gay or not I do not know. And it upsets me. If I marry it will not work out if I am not interested.
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Anonymous #1
#8
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I didnt use to worry about it but now my parents want me to marry soon maybe next year... and I cannot tell them I'm gay and neither can I refuse so i really do not know
(Original post by sinfonietta)
You're still young so don't worry about it.

I'm 7-8yrs older than you and I have no desire to get married either.
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Awais Ahsan
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Just tell your parents you're not ready to get married yet. If you're in education or got a job, tell them you want to focus on that.
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Awais Ahsan
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#10
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Ameen!!!!
(Original post by Muslim17)
Listen at this age it's normal to not want marriage that does not mean you are gay. Media and the society we are in these days make us believe that something is wrong or different with us, which is mostly not the case so give yourself time. Ask your parents to give you time. I myself never even thought of marriage till 26 but i was and am not a gay, but now i am willing to get married. People change, their priorities change, some people want to find 'THE ONE' to feel like getting married. You are in such a tender age so please don't confuse yourself, seek help from Allah. May Allah keep you on the right path Ameen
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Muslim17
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#11
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Your welcome Are you confused or don't want to tell that you are gay, both are different issues and need different solutions. I don't want to offend anybody but have some research religiously and scientifically as being gay is not how humans are made biologically. There are millions who have solid reasoning behind it keeping religion aside. The reason i am asking you to seek help is because in that way that person can help you on different level as we don't know you personally neither don't know ground realities. There must be a single person who you can confide in, but please seek help.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for the support.

You see I'm 19 and I've never been in into males so whether I am gay or not I do not know. And it upsets me. If I marry it will not work out if I am not interested.
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Sammylou40
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#12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I didnt use to worry about it but now my parents want me to marry soon maybe next year... and I cannot tell them I'm gay and neither can I refuse so i really do not know
You don’t know yourself what your sexuality is so there’s no need to discuss it with your parents.
You need to be telling them that you need to complete your education first. Go away to university and study. You don’t need to give up your faith if you have one, you can experience other things and work towards a career. That gives you at least 3-4 years. After that you’ll be better placed to decide who you are and what you want.
And will hopefully be strong enough to tell your parents then.
Also, if you’re adamant that you don’t want an arranged marriage then bear in mind it is illegal to be forced in this country. Help is available.
Ultimately you can find a way to honour your parents but live your own life
Good luck
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dsmith23
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#13
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Old thread but on the off chance you see this, live the life you want to live not the life some people thousands of years ago determined you should live
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Anonymous #1
#14
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#14
Thank you. But you see my family want me to marry because Asian parents fear that we may end up doing "something" before marriage and embarass ourselves aswell as our parents. But obviously if I'm not attracted to men I would never do anything before marriage but my parents do not understand that hence they feel by getting me married they wont have to fear about me losing their honour and disrespecting myself aswell. They feel the way society is going I may get influenced to do something wrong. But I wont because I'm not interested in males.

I cannot tell them that because I really cannot afford hurting my parents! Also being gay is not allowed in Islam but i want to keep my religion and my sexuality I love my religion.

The only person who I confided to was a ex-teacher and she does email me to see how I'm getting on. She is gay herself. I'm just so stuck right now. My parents are lovely people and they want to do what is best for me. I have told them that I do not want to get married but they said "you have to get married otherwise you'll be lonely".
I just really hope that they do not find anyone for me! Because I know that it wont work out! I just wish i could remain single- I'm not saying I want to marry a woman either because i know my religion does not allow that.

I just do not want to hurt whoever I'm going to have to marry, that wont be fair on him. I'd rather just myself my teacher is the only one who knows my predicament but I cannot tell her everything in my personal life.

Thank you.
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Sammylou40
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#15
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https://imaanlondon.wordpress.com/
I think you’d benefit from speaking to this group. They’ll understand
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you. But you see my family want me to marry because Asian parents fear that we may end up doing "something" before marriage and embarass ourselves aswell as our parents. But obviously if I'm not attracted to men I would never do anything before marriage but my parents do not understand that hence they feel by getting me married they wont have to fear about me losing their honour and disrespecting myself aswell. They feel the way society is going I may get influenced to do something wrong. But I wont because I'm not interested in males.

I cannot tell them that because I really cannot afford hurting my parents! Also being gay is not allowed in Islam but i want to keep my religion and my sexuality I love my religion.

The only person who I confided to was a ex-teacher and she does email me to see how I'm getting on. She is gay herself. I'm just so stuck right now. My parents are lovely people and they want to do what is best for me. I have told them that I do not want to get married but they said "you have to get married otherwise you'll be lonely".
I just really hope that they do not find anyone for me! Because I know that it wont work out! I just wish i could remain single- I'm not saying I want to marry a woman either because i know my religion does not allow that.

I just do not want to hurt whoever I'm going to have to marry, that wont be fair on him. I'd rather just myself my teacher is the only one who knows my predicament but I cannot tell her everything in my personal life.

Thank you.
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Muslim17
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#16
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#16
No offense but I don't think you should share this kind of link with her unless you know what are the correct teachings of Islam.
(Original post by Sammylou40)
https://imaanlondon.wordpress.com/
I think you’d benefit from speaking to this group. They’ll understand
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Muslim17
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#17
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#17
I would say that its good that you are aware of what is right and what not. Having feeling is ok but implementing on them is the real test. Everybody have urges whatever they are but refraining from it is the challenge. Focus on your studies and please please ask help form Allah and talk to him, you are young, eventually you will know that it was all temporary. One more advise please stay away from people who can actually influence and persuade you away from the right path.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you. But you see my family want me to marry because Asian parents fear that we may end up doing "something" before marriage and embarass ourselves aswell as our parents. But obviously if I'm not attracted to men I would never do anything before marriage but my parents do not understand that hence they feel by getting me married they wont have to fear about me losing their honour and disrespecting myself aswell. They feel the way society is going I may get influenced to do something wrong. But I wont because I'm not interested in males.

I cannot tell them that because I really cannot afford hurting my parents! Also being gay is not allowed in Islam but i want to keep my religion and my sexuality I love my religion.

The only person who I confided to was a ex-teacher and she does email me to see how I'm getting on. She is gay herself. I'm just so stuck right now. My parents are lovely people and they want to do what is best for me. I have told them that I do not want to get married but they said "you have to get married otherwise you'll be lonely".
I just really hope that they do not find anyone for me! Because I know that it wont work out! I just wish i could remain single- I'm not saying I want to marry a woman either because i know my religion does not allow that.

I just do not want to hurt whoever I'm going to have to marry, that wont be fair on him. I'd rather just myself my teacher is the only one who knows my predicament but I cannot tell her everything in my personal life.

Thank you.
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mgi
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you. But you see my family want me to marry because Asian parents fear that we may end up doing "something" before marriage and embarass ourselves aswell as our parents. But obviously if I'm not attracted to men I would never do anything before marriage but my parents do not understand that hence they feel by getting me married they wont have to fear about me losing their honour and disrespecting myself aswell. They feel the way society is going I may get influenced to do something wrong. But I wont because I'm not interested in males.

I cannot tell them that because I really cannot afford hurting my parents! Also being gay is not allowed in Islam but i want to keep my religion and my sexuality I love my religion.

The only person who I confided to was a ex-teacher and she does email me to see how I'm getting on. She is gay herself. I'm just so stuck right now. My parents are lovely people and they want to do what is best for me. I have told them that I do not want to get married but they said "you have to get married otherwise you'll be lonely".
I just really hope that they do not find anyone for me! Because I know that it wont work out! I just wish i could remain single- I'm not saying I want to marry a woman either because i know my religion does not allow that.

I just do not want to hurt whoever I'm going to have to marry, that wont be fair on him. I'd rather just myself my teacher is the only one who knows my predicament but I cannot tell her everything in my personal life.

Thank you.
They could also be worried that you are gay and think that the answer is to hurry and get you married. If you ' honour' them and get married when you have no interest in doing so then you will be unhappy for years!
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dsmith23
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(Original post by Muslim17)
I would say that its good that you are aware of what is right and what not. Having feeling is ok but implementing on them is the real test. Everybody have urges whatever they are but refraining from it is the challenge. Focus on your studies and please please ask help form Allah and talk to him, you are young, eventually you will know that it was all temporary. One more advise please stay away from people who can actually influence and persuade you away from the right path.
Whilst I'm generally a pretty strong advocate of people being able to voice their opinions, I do struggle to believe that we live in a world where people still believe this nonsense
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Muslim17
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#20
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Don't you think you are contradicting yourself? What is nonsense to you does not mean it actually is, i was suggesting a person who have the same belief system it's not like i am enforcing something on her. But if i look at your comment, you clearly are bullying someone on their belief system because you think it does not make sense. peace
(Original post by dsmith23)
Whilst I'm generally a pretty strong advocate of people being able to voice their opinions, I do struggle to believe that we live in a world where people still believe this nonsense
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