I can’t talk to white people :( Watch

Lovemyself
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I’m a British Pakistani girl and I struggle to communicate with white people.

Both my parents were born and raised in Pakistan, so we grew up and still live in a area with a large Pakistani community in the north of England. My primary school was 95% Pakistani origin, my secondary school was 60/40 but I stuck with a Asian group of friends. I didn’t really have a social life at uni as I’m an introvert.

So now I’m working and out in the ‘real world’ and I really struggle to socialise with people and it’s making my life difficult. I can’t even do small talk, it just gets awkward. I do feel left out and isolated at times like I don’t fit in.

The white guys have been friendly and have at least tried to make an effort with me. But the white girls don’t seem interested. I don’t drink or socialise much so they probably find me weird and dull.

How will I ever be a successful career woman if I can’t even communicate with majority of the population?

I had no idea trying to make friends or even talking to people in the real world would be this complicated . And I have no idea what to do.
Last edited by Lovemyself; 9 months ago
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hello_shawn
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You're judging yourself by the colour of your skin. The moment you stop doing that, good things will happen to you
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piupiupiupiu
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(Original post by Lovemyself)
I’m a British Pakistani girl and I struggle to communicate with white people.

Both my parents were born and raised in Pakistan, so we grew up and still live in a area with a large Pakistani community in the north of England. My primary school was 95% Pakistani origin, my secondary school was 60/40 but I stuck with a Asian group of friends. I didn’t really have a social life at uni as I’m an introvert.

So now I’m working and out in the ‘real world’ and I really struggle to socialise with people and it’s making my life difficult. I can’t even do small talk, it just gets awkward. I do feel left out and isolated at times like I don’t fit in.

The white guys have been friendly and have at least tried to make an effort with me. But the white girls don’t seem interested. I don’t drink or socialise much so they probably find me weird and dull.

How will I ever be a successful career woman if I can’t even communicate with majority of the population?

Is it really just white people you struggle to socialise with or is it broader than that? (E.g. what about black people, Chinese, Latino, or your own race / background?) - The reason I ask is I wonder if maybe it's not a race thing, but a general social anxiety thing?

I suffer with social anxiety and it affects how I communicate with everyone and anyone, but it becomes more pronounced when I'm with people who are very different to me. Maybe that's the issue here?
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MisterFortnite
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(Original post by Lovemyself)
I’m a British Pakistani girl and I struggle to communicate with white people.

Both my parents were born and raised in Pakistan, so we grew up and still live in a area with a large Pakistani community in the north of England. My primary school was 95% Pakistani origin, my secondary school was 60/40 but I stuck with a Asian group of friends. I didn’t really have a social life at uni as I’m an introvert.

So now I’m working and out in the ‘real world’ and I really struggle to socialise with people and it’s making my life difficult. I can’t even do small talk, it just gets awkward. I do feel left out and isolated at times like I don’t fit in.

The white guys have been friendly and have at least tried to make an effort with me. But the white girls don’t seem interested. I don’t drink or socialise much so they probably find me weird and dull.

How will I ever be a successful career woman if I can’t even communicate with majority of the population?

I had no idea trying to make friends or even talking to people in the real world would be this complicated . And I have no idea what to do.
Being an introvert isn't an excuse to not being able to find something to talk about. Im introverted too. Just talk about your interests. Maybe they might be interested in the same things. Start with greeting people with confidence. They will remember you. Don't think too much or become too self conscious. Not drinking doesn't mean thats the only thing to talk about. Talk about the weather lol.
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username2569523
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It's just a skin colour...
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Fujoshi
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(Original post by Lovemyself)
I’m a British Pakistani girl and I struggle to communicate with white people.

Both my parents were born and raised in Pakistan, so we grew up and still live in a area with a large Pakistani community in the north of England. My primary school was 95% Pakistani origin, my secondary school was 60/40 but I stuck with a Asian group of friends. I didn’t really have a social life at uni as I’m an introvert.

So now I’m working and out in the ‘real world’ and I really struggle to socialise with people and it’s making my life difficult. I can’t even do small talk, it just gets awkward. I do feel left out and isolated at times like I don’t fit in.

The white guys have been friendly and have at least tried to make an effort with me. But the white girls don’t seem interested. I don’t drink or socialise much so they probably find me weird and dull.

How will I ever be a successful career woman if I can’t even communicate with majority of the population?

I had no idea trying to make friends or even talking to people in the real world would be this complicated . And I have no idea what to do.
Maybe try to find some common interests (a lot of hobbies/interests tend to be fairly universal)? If that fails then opening with a compliment can be a good icebreaker.

Also it's important to keep in mind that sometimes it's not worth to continually put effort into people who probably won't ever give a damn (in other words be kinder to yourself because sometimes the issue lies with other party rather than yourself).
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Lovemyself
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#7
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(Original post by piupiupiupiu)
Is it really just white people you struggle to socialise with or is it broader than that? (E.g. what about black people, Chinese, Latino, or your own race / background?) - The reason I ask is I wonder if maybe it's not a race thing, but a general social anxiety thing?

I suffer with social anxiety and it affects how I communicate with everyone and anyone, but it becomes more pronounced when I'm with people who are very different to me. Maybe that's the issue here?
I do suffer from social anxiety but like you said it does become pronounced with different people. For example, I’m a lot better and confident when communicating with other ethnic minorities-i feel much more comfortable. Also on a one to one basis I can talk about anything to anyone though sometimes I do get a little shy. But I’ve always struggled to talk to white girls and In groups.

What annoys me is that because of my background and the fact I wear a hijab, many people judge that I’m shy due to my cultural upbringing and I’ve been oppressed by my family, when I’m just naturally a reserved person.
Last edited by Lovemyself; 9 months ago
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piupiupiupiu
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(Original post by Lovemyself)
I do suffer from social anxiety but like you said it does become pronounced with different people. For example, I’m a lot better and confident when communicating with other ethnic minorities-i feel much more comfortable. Also on a one to one basis I can talk about anything to anyone that’s ugh sometimes I do get a little shy. But I’ve always struggled to talk to white girls and I’m groups.

What annoys me is that because of my background and the fact I wear a hijab, many people judge that I’m shy due to my cultural upbringing and I’ve been oppressed by my family, when I’m just naturally a reserved person.
I can sympathise... I think it's one of those things that will come on with time. Sorry I can't help more than that. Also I just want to say there is nothing wrong with being an introvert - you can still be successful in life. Don't try to change yourself too much.
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Lovemyself
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(Original post by Fujoshi)
Maybe try to find some common interests (a lot of hobbies/interests tend to be fairly universal)? If that fails then opening with a compliment can be a good icebreaker.

Also it's important to keep in mind that sometimes it's not worth to continually put effort into people who probably won't ever give a damn (in other words be kinder to yourself because sometimes the issue lies with other party rather than yourself).
I have tried that as I’m a big football fan so I always break the ice with guys by talking about sport. I’m quite a tomboy. With girls it’s tough to even break the ice though.
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username2861570
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Hey can I ask, what's your name?
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Justbeingmyself
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They're just human beings like us from Asian backgrounds albeing might dress a bit different and drink alcohol. You can literally talk to them about anything, interests, career plans, family etc. You can still socialise without drinking as well
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Lovemyself
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#12
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(Original post by JoshDarnIt)
Hey can I ask, what's your name?
Hey. Sure,it’s Humaira.

May I ask why? Lool
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FailedMyMocks
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Bradford gang?
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ibyghee
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I've never had that problem personally, so :/
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Lovemyself
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(Original post by ibyghee)
I've never had that problem personally, so :/
Well good for you then
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ibyghee
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(Original post by Lovemyself)
Well good for you then
All I could say is, look at how other people talk and initiate a convo etc. and then go from there.
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username2861570
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(Original post by Lovemyself)
Hey. Sure,it’s Humaira.

May I ask why? Lool
You've just spoken to a white person
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DrFuManchu
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(Original post by JoshDarnIt)
You've just spoken to a white person
asking and getting a name is not exactly a real life interaction with a white person to judge comfort levels is it

maybe that's why they are so difficult to communicate with and be around (if they're not high on something) because they can't understand these things
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YaliaV
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(Original post by DrFuManchu)
asking and getting a name is not exactly a real life interaction with a white person to judge comfort levels is it

maybe that's why they are so difficult to communicate with and be around (if they're not high on something) because they can't understand these things
You resurrected an old thread to troll? At least create some original content for the masses. Very disappointing performance
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username2861570
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(Original post by DrFuManchu)
asking and getting a name is not exactly a real life interaction with a white person to judge comfort levels is it

maybe that's why they are so difficult to communicate with and be around (if they're not high on something) because they can't understand these things
Depends how you want to get the lion back into it's cage. I mean you could entice with a nice piece of juicy meat but then again I don't know if my da would approve of my decision to become a cowboy. Perhaps tis' not easy when I'm the only one left to butter those scones.
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