Erection Problems

Hi, recently I seem to have developed a problem with maintaining an erection. This is not something which has been a consistent problem for me in the past (happened a handful of times in my last relationship of 1.5 years).

I think I am over reacting to this TBH, but I need someone to calm me down, I'll start from the beginning.

Ok so me and my girlfriend had sex for the first time a couple of weeks ago, she was a virgin and experienced quite a lot of pain which alarmed and suprised me quite a lot (my last girlfriend was also a virgin but she didn't suffer much pain at all). Anyway, we had sex a second time and she suffered pain again, only this time I lost my erection during sex.

We attempted to have sex again a few days ago only I suddenly became very nervous (hands shaking) and could not even get an erection! However, during the foreplay leading up to sex I had maintained an erection just fine, I just lost it when I knew I was about to have sex!

Anyway, so we had a few drinks so that I could calm down, after this my erection was fine and we had amazing sex.

We tried to have sex the following day, but as before I lost my erection as we were about to.

I don't know what to do about this!! I obviously have become very nervous about sex, as drink calmed me down. But I can't drink every time I want to have sex! I really love my girlfriend and everything else about this relationship is perfect and I can see myself being with her for many years. She has been very understanding about this, but I'm beginning to worry a lot.

Anyone have any advice for me? Anyone suffered the same problem, if so how did you solve it? Many thanks!

Reply 1

Caroline June

I'm a girl but I think you pretty much answered your own question in your second paragraph. If you think you're over-reacting, things are going to get worse. They always do in pretty much every situation.
I'd say talk to her, try and do all the things that get you all worked up in the first place and just relax. If your lady is being understanding then surely that's a good sign?
Best of luck.

Reply 2

dh00001

sounds like nerves to me. youve never had the problem in other sexual activities so its physiological.
are you entirely comfortable with her?

Reply 3

daboos

fail.

man up... don't drink to get confidence

Reply 4

Aranyani

its because you're scared of hurting her.

The first few times you had sex you hurt her, now i reckon you're so worried about hurting her again that you can't keep it up.

Think of the amazing sex you had next time you go to have sex and think how much she enjoyed it! hopefully that'll keep it up!

Reply 5

tom_tom_tom

sounds like a confidence thing to me, make sure you are totally comfrortable with her, it sounds psychological to me, alcohol also wont help!

Reply 6

randdom

As you are probably aware the problem is most likely to be as a result of the stress and upset that you felt the first few times you tried to sleep with your girlfriend. It must have been quite upsetting for you to have her in the pain that she was in. Now when you are sober and you go to do it you get anxious because you don't want to hurt her again. The only thing that I can think of to recommend is to keep trying and eventually you will get used to the fact that normally you won't hurt her and then things should get back to normal. Just try to stay calm when it happens as getting upset and frustrated isn't really going to help things.

Reply 7

concerned_bloke

Thanks for replies. I do feel totally comfortable with her BTW.

I will take your advice and try to calm down a bit! It's just really got to me, find it hard not to think about TBH. I'll try and relax more like you say, hopefully that will work.

Reply 8

Caliowin

I hurt a lot during sex when i first started having it, and I know it made me nervous about the next time and therefore i was more tense/less wet and so it hurt again. It sounds like something similiar for you, except the otherway around- you dont want to hurt her, so tense up and your erection goes. Maybe spend some time just fooling around and not have sex for awhile, let you confidence get back up.

Reply 9

milow

Relax most erection problems are in the head, sex is enjoyable for you both don't work yourself up so much about it and go slow. lubricant may help until she makes herself even wetter and she'll relax more then too so she'll enjoy it more, 'you'll be reassured to know you wont be hurting her then' <-- main point. since shes not had sex often she may be a little tense, an idea?