made a mistake and now going down the rabbit hole (for guys)

Unfortunately as is life now, it's not enough for a man to show remorse. Women can now plunder the men that wronged them, through countless lawsuits. OP better be ready to squander all that investment banking money on lawyers

It's the short term gain over long term pain thing.

Some people are just wired that way in their brains. It's the instant gratification thing. This tends to lead to addictive personalities.
What you have displayed is a form of gambling addiction.
You gambled your long term relationship and possible marriage for the instant gratification of the extra curricula sex.

There's a chance you may never change and will always be a serial cheater.
Or there's a chance the logical half of your brain will over-rule the emotional half.
Or that you will see-saw between the 2 over the years.

Only time will tell how things will work out for you as none of us can predict the future. And good intentions are one thing, seeing them through is another.

what influences those chances?

guess 3 questions:
- am i broken, is this feeling to cheat normal amongst most men?
- how do i fight back for her? (really and truly it's probably a lost cause - but if i don't atleast try, it'll be the biggest regret of my life)

Have been through a similar situation.
Took time but managed to gravel a relationship after a lot of work over some years after showing I had improved mentally + physically.
You need to improve yourself first. If you love someone truly then you wouldn’t cheat: in this case maybe she’s not the right girl or your priority is you and you don’t care about others a trait which needs to be developed or ultimately it could be she is and you do care but you’re thinking with your **** not your head nor your heart.

Get help, improve yourself, get the girl or get a new one + use this as a lesson

So you want us to guess what the third question is? lol.

But ye I find the act of cheating repulsive personally so it's not a feeling I ever get. I never lie either.
(Which means i can be a **** sometimes when I say what I'm thinking lmao)

Don't know about the second question.

how do you show your improvement when you're completely blocked off from contact? regardless these are the wrong questions, it's too far gone.. how do you deleverage emotions - and what's the typical timeline. i did what i did.. i'm ready to face the consequence of dismissal

how do you show your improvement when you're completely blocked off from contact? regardless these are the wrong questions, it's too far gone.. how do you deleverage emotions - and what's the typical timeline. i did what i did.. i'm ready to face the consequence of dismissal

There’s no set time line or method of moving on from someone. Look to your friends for support, fill the time and habits with other activities. If you’ve said your apologies and the people involved have chosen to cut contact with you, respect that, whatever pain you’re in - the pain you’ve inflicted on them is much worse. Respect that.

Better yourself as a person before you move forward and bring anyone else into your life or you’ll repeat this cycle.

Improvement: - work on yourself + demonstrate loyalty + honesty in your life. Ask those closest to you how you could improve. Start a rule so that every time you lie you face a penalty/ tally the lies so you gradually reduce the score
- Make it a rule to consider what impact your actions have on others before making decisions

Deleverage emotion: just let it out man

If I was in your postion I would worry about getting back with the gf and then ending up cheating on her again. I'm not sure one can just switch off such destructive behaviour overnight, regardless of what is at stake. It takes lots of time to change your character in any significant way. How **** would you feel if you ended up hurting her in the same way in a years time? It might sound cliched but if you love her then maybe you would move on and try to fix yourself?

appreciate the non-judgemental attitudes here.. think i've just been punishing myself mentally, deservedly but you're right.. self improvement is what i need to get on with. i keep looking back to how i should've done things differently. i miss this girl so ridiculously.. was for sure this was it for me.

i started praying which helps a little i guess. feel i can release some emotion that way - and atleast whether or not in reality it's a thing... the belief that i can ask for forgiveness to a higher being even if she won't forgive me herself sorta helps i guess. retook up exercise and gym.. i think the pain and suffering of the whole exercising helps feel i'm balancing the books for the pain threshold on myself as sadistic as that sounds.

the thing is i still have her on whatsapp and sometimes i see they're online and then i panic idk and i switch it off. or i'll spend sometime crafting a message.. when i know i should just leave her. but then i don't have a right to block her if she ever wants to say anything.. i'm not sure what i'm doing right now. i try and fill my time but the minute my mind goes idle.. - reality is i done screwed up and she doesn't need me so yeah you guys are both right

i was thinking, i know her mum is super upset with me - i wrote her a letter. would it be worth trying to follow up and arrange a private meeting to apologise in person. i think out of maturity, i really wronged her daughter and she was super kind to me. this goes way beyond me - and i'm not looking to get any 'feel sorry for me' points.. i just want to do this appropriately and honest, open as possible. i already regret what i've done, but the last thing i want is to look back and regret that i didn't handle it in an appropriate way?

Maintain the self-improvement and don't make it a tmepass -commit to it fully and face your demons / issues.

You don't need to block her but it would be selfish of you to continually message. Having been cheated on myself in the past, it was very painful to have someone constantly pop-up and remind me of the event.If you care, you'd not cave to selfish impulses and give her the space she needs.

Re; her mum, that's a tricky situation. You've sent a letter and she could contact you herself if she wishes. I think you should stay far away as it is very obtrusive of you to go over her head to her family. You've apologized and you only want a reply to soothe your conscience - leave it alone

been in a relationship for the better part of a year, within that time made a huge mistake of seeing an ex for casual sex when testosterene kicks, and just out flat lying to my gf saying i wasn't seeing anyone. said ex tells my partner and as can probably guess - things just end between us.

in honesty i've done similar things in the past.. (cheating) and emotions were faked emotions for mainly manipulative purposes so when being outsted came, i never really cared. the *****y part is, i kept saying i'll stop this time.. knowing that i actually love my gf - and managed to even screw up listening to myself.

i have no defence for my actions, and would do anything to turn back time. it's pathetic what i did and not excusable - and definitely learned from it.

was planning LT to marry this girl. i guess i knew the risk, but had a continuation of previous habits. maybe deep down i know i should just leave this girl to live her life - but at the same time i'm almost at a loss without her & once again directionless.

guess 3 questions:
- am i broken, is this feeling to cheat normal amongst most men?
- how do i fight back for her? (really and truly it's probably a lost cause - but if i don't atleast try, it'll be the biggest regret of my life)

also i already know what i did is vile - feel free to put me down more, but it is duly noted.

TL;DR: screwed up my relationship via senseless and uneeded cheating & lying about that. *questions above*

edit: i understand my primary fault is a sense of discipline in my personal life - and currently taking active steps to try resolve that and form a moral structure.