Terrified mother

Elr2019

Please help. I have a 17 year old son who has a very violent temper. Never with me but with his girlfriend. They spend 24 hours a day together he hasn’t been going to work and she hasn’t been going to college. That I can sort it’s his violent temper I’m worried about. His girlfriend has a very bad temper too and hits and scratches him.
Tonight they have gone out for New Year’s Eve and he has come home at 1.30am as they have had another argument. Good enough he has walked away from her and come home but she has gone to his friends flat telling him she is going to sleep with his mate so he is angry again.
I don’t know how much more I can take. I suffer from anxiety and I am now on medication as I just cannot cope anymore.
Has anyone got any advice for me please?

Reply 1

Asada786

14

Original post by Elr2019

Please help. I have a 17 year old son who has a very violent temper. Never with me but with his girlfriend. They spend 24 hours a day together he hasn’t been going to work and she hasn’t been going to college. That I can sort it’s his violent temper I’m worried about. His girlfriend has a very bad temper too and hits and scratches him.
Tonight they have gone out for New Year’s Eve and he has come home at 1.30am as they have had another argument. Good enough he has walked away from her and come home but she has gone to his friends flat telling him she is going to sleep with his mate so he is angry again.
I don’t know how much more I can take. I suffer from anxiety and I am now on medication as I just cannot cope anymore.
Has anyone got any advice for me please?

Sabotage the relationship

Reply 2

Claire461

21

Original post by Elr2019

Please help. I have a 17 year old son who has a very violent temper. Never with me but with his girlfriend. They spend 24 hours a day together he hasn’t been going to work and she hasn’t been going to college. That I can sort it’s his violent temper I’m worried about. His girlfriend has a very bad temper too and hits and scratches him.
Tonight they have gone out for New Year’s Eve and he has come home at 1.30am as they have had another argument. Good enough he has walked away from her and come home but she has gone to his friends flat telling him she is going to sleep with his mate so he is angry again.
I don’t know how much more I can take. I suffer from anxiety and I am now on medication as I just cannot cope anymore.
Has anyone got any advice for me please?

Do either or both of them live with you?

Reply 3

squeakysquirrel

20

Original post by Elr2019

Please help. I have a 17 year old son who has a very violent temper. Never with me but with his girlfriend. They spend 24 hours a day together he hasn’t been going to work and she hasn’t been going to college. That I can sort it’s his violent temper I’m worried about. His girlfriend has a very bad temper too and hits and scratches him.
Tonight they have gone out for New Year’s Eve and he has come home at 1.30am as they have had another argument. Good enough he has walked away from her and come home but she has gone to his friends flat telling him she is going to sleep with his mate so he is angry again.
I don’t know how much more I can take. I suffer from anxiety and I am now on medication as I just cannot cope anymore.
Has anyone got any advice for me please?

Is his dad in the equation at all.

Assuming not. Look the only thing realistically you can do is to talk to him. He is not violent with you so it is the girlfriend who is toxic. 17 year olds are difficult. Neither adults nor children.

How does he want his life to go from here. Pregnancy, jail, etc or knuckling down to a life where there is less anger. You have the upper hand with him, but you must be assertive

Reply 4

Claire461

21

I would be laying down some ground rules.
You, as a mother should not be tolerating this. Your son is 17, and whether he lives with you or not, his behaviour is affecting you, as is the behaviour of the girlfriend.
Your son needs anger management.
Make it a condition of him being at home with you. Don’t allow them to be in your home together. Ban the girlfriend from your home.
He should be in work or education, one or the other. Make this a condition of remaining in the home.
17 or not, he has to learn that he can’t continue to behave this way.

Reply 5

dirtmother

8

It is a fallacious argument to suggest that because the son isn't violent with his mother, it is the girlfriend who is toxic. Plenty of serious abusers who are the apple of their mother's eye and very obedient or whatever to her.

If this is causing you enough anxiety to be prescribed medication, what did the prescriber say - were there any signposts to further support for you and your son? Does your son know how this behaviour is affecting you - have you told him explicitly? It does sound as though there are a whole bundle of issues tied up together and perhaps they get a buzz out of the drama.

I have told friends who were repeatedly speaking unpleasantly to one another that they could not do it in my house and enforced it.

Reply 6

BevTS

7

Original post by Elr2019

Please help. I have a 17 year old son who has a very violent temper. Never with me but with his girlfriend. They spend 24 hours a day together he hasn’t been going to work and she hasn’t been going to college. That I can sort it’s his violent temper I’m worried about. His girlfriend has a very bad temper too and hits and scratches him.
Tonight they have gone out for New Year’s Eve and he has come home at 1.30am as they have had another argument. Good enough he has walked away from her and come home but she has gone to his friends flat telling him she is going to sleep with his mate so he is angry again.
I don’t know how much more I can take. I suffer from anxiety and I am now on medication as I just cannot cope anymore.
Has anyone got any advice for me please?

Is it possible to take your son away on holiday or visit relatives to get him away from the girlfriend for a while ..... manipulate it so they have time apart without you actually having to say anything. ( dont give your son a choice , tell him u have booked it and he is going with you - make it sound like uve done it as a treat) ....maybe your son will come to his senses then and confide in you. Sometimes a break can alievate all the stress. Try and take him somewhere where its not so easy for him to be in contact with her all the time.

or

Can you speak to girlfriends parents (civilly) and see if they have the same concerns ........

it sounds like maybe they are just not well suited , no ones fault. Perhaps they are just staying together cos they are scared to break up and be alone ! Does your son have many male friends to fall back on?

Terrified mother

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