English Literature Poetry Question (Powe and Conflict) Watch

Pravi29
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Hi!

Can someone please give this a grade with improvement points. I doubt my teacher would mark this.


Both Hughes and Garland uses the the reality of war to present the negative effects of war. Bayonet Charge starts "in media res" and commences 'suddenly' which plunges the reader into action immediately and shows how unpredictable and restless war is - anything could happen. The poem is full of present participles such as 'running ... hearing ... stumbling .... smacking' which provides augments the fast pace yet presents the soldier as being vulnerable and confused as there is so much action in each stanza. Hughes' tricolon 'king, honour, dignity' which were concepts used in propaganda to promote joining the army is in the form of a list to effectively convey the narrator does not consider these important anymore.

Similarly, Garland explores the idea of propaganda in the form of 'powerful incantation'. The Kamikaze Propaganda used the idea of shame which was important in Ancient Samurai Philosophy to recruit soldiers. Nonetheless, nature disilludes the father from the lies of propaganda as he sees vivid images stretching through the senses such as the 'grene blue tranluscent sea' and 'featheyr prawns'. However, instead of just focusing this aspect on the soldier like Hughes , Garland also focused on the family. After the father's return only 'the children still chattered and laughed/ until we too learnt to be silent'. This shows how the Father's rejection of convention led him to become ostracised. The verb 'learnt' is interesting here because it implies these children have been indoctrinated with these values of society and have not rejected them like the father. Ultimately, Garland conveys how the false representation of war tears a family apart. compounded with the regretful tone of the daughter for alienating her father when she asks 'which was the better way to die' thus presenting the poem as a method of seeking closure.

Both Hughes and Garland also explore the loss of individuality caused by war. The speaker in Bayonet Charge 'runs towards the green hadge dazzled with fire'. This visual image is reminscient of danger yet the soldier runs towards it highlighting how soldiers are brainwashed to do actions which are unnatural to do. The use of imagery when Hughes decsribes the soldier as being part of 'clockwork' and 'the hand pointing the second' implies the soldier feels as if he has lost his free will and is a mere component in something much larger. The absence of control connotations of entrapment which could be shown by the first and last stanzas having eight lines and the middle stanza having only seven. The smaller middle stanza could represent the soldier and the bigger stanzas authority. Perhaps, Hughes is trying to draw on the concept of authority programming soldiers in war. This is augmented by the clear sense of conflusion throughout the poem. The enjambment and uneven line and stanza lengths presents a hectic form which highlights the chaos in war.

Similarly, Garland's visual image of the shaven head may allude to a branch of Hindu philosophy where people shaved their hdeads to rid themselves of any Earthly desire. Thus, the symbol of the 'shaven head' is glorifying because it shows how noble and selfless the soldiers were. Nonetheless, the image of multiple soldiers with shaven heads presents thems as all looking very similar or identical which may present a loss of individuality. Yet, even after war, the father ha slost his identity through ostracisation. He was 'no longer the father we loves' simply for failing to complete his mission. This use of emotive language makes the reader sympathise with the father because it is a clar representation of his social exclusion.
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stephsmhb
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I'm not a teacher so I don't think you would trust me to grade it but one improvement I have for you is that you are basing your paragraphs on context and examiners don't want you to do that. You should express a point and then use the context to support the point (e.g how would the context impact the reaction of the audience, impact the author's intentions, impact our view of something etc). On the plus side you have some good A02 but at some points you could expand your explanation a bit more. I'm not a teacher so i'm not qualified but I am a grade 8 EngLit and Lang student and so I know how to get to that top bracket of grade 7-8
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Pravi29
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(Original post by stephsmhb)
I'm not a teacher so I don't think you would trust me to grade it but one improvement I have for you is that you are basing your paragraphs on context and examiners don't want you to do that. You should express a point and then use the context to support the point (e.g how would the context impact the reaction of the audience, impact the author's intentions, impact our view of something etc). On the plus side you have some good A02 but at some points you could expand your explanation a bit more. I'm not a teacher so i'm not qualified but I am a grade 8 EngLit and Lang student and so I know how to get to that top bracket of grade 7-8
Thank you! When you mean point do you man as in the poet presents this through structure or the metaphor? Our tecaher told us to answer like this so I am a little confused.
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username4412650
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(Original post by stephsmhb)
I'm not a teacher so I don't think you would trust me to grade it but one improvement I have for you is that you are basing your paragraphs on context and examiners don't want you to do that. You should express a point and then use the context to support the point (e.g how would the context impact the reaction of the audience, impact the author's intentions, impact our view of something etc). On the plus side you have some good A02 but at some points you could expand your explanation a bit more. I'm not a teacher so i'm not qualified but I am a grade 8 EngLit and Lang student and so I know how to get to that top bracket of grade 7-8
I completely agree. Never use context as a point to base your paragraph on. Make a point and then embed a quotation and add in context to support or develop your argument rather than using context as the main body. Also try and develop your analysis a little bit further and comment on how the writers shape meaning. To get into the really high marks you could reference another similar poem (although this is not compulsory depending on some exam boards you won’t get marks for doing this). This is amazing though and is definitely touching top marks, I’d give it a high 7
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stephsmhb
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(Original post by Pravi29)
Thank you! When you mean point do you man as in the poet presents this through structure or the metaphor? Our tecaher told us to answer like this so I am a little confused.
Yeah . so your point is - explore the loss of individuality caused by war-. That is a good point. Often people would say shown through the use of regular structure or rhyme scheme or similes etc. ( is that what you meant). That is a good way of presenting your point, and although my teacher doesn't use it that is the way i structure my essay's
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Pravi29
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(Original post by stephsmhb)
Yeah . so your point is - explore the loss of individuality caused by war-. That is a good point. Often people would say shown through the use of regular structure or rhyme scheme or similes etc. ( is that what you meant). That is a good way of presenting your point, and although my teacher doesn't use it that is the way i structure my essay's
Okay! Thanks!
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Pravi29
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(Original post by anonONE1)
I completely agree. Never use context as a point to base your paragraph on. Make a point and then embed a quotation and add in context to support or develop your argument rather than using context as the main body. Also try and develop your analysis a little bit further and comment on how the writers shape meaning. To get into the really high marks you could reference another similar poem (although this is not compulsory depending on some exam boards you won’t get marks for doing this). This is amazing though and is definitely touching top marks, I’d give it a high 7
Thanks! It is just that our teacher did a sample paragraph with us which was based primarily on context.
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username4412650
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(Original post by Pravi29)
Thanks! It is just that our teacher did a sample paragraph with us which was based primarily on context.
Unfortunately teachers are not always correct and there are very limited marks available for context. I barley touched on context in my lit GCSE and I still got a 9 there’s more marks for A01 and 2 so is focus on nailing them first and then looking at a little bit of context
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stephsmhb
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(Original post by anonONE1)
Unfortunately teachers are not always correct and there are very limited marks available for context. I barley touched on context in my lit GCSE and I still got a 9 there’s more marks for A01 and 2 so is focus on nailing them first and then looking at a little bit of context
Wow you got a 9. I'm always getting 8's and I'm really struggling to make the jump to the 9.
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username4412650
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(Original post by stephsmhb)
Wow you got a 9. I'm always getting 8's and I'm really struggling to make the jump to the 9.
I got 2’s in my mocks so you can definitely make one grade jump!
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stephsmhb
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(Original post by Pravi29)
Thanks! It is just that our teacher did a sample paragraph with us which was based primarily on context.
TBH your teacher shouldn't have done that. As a teacher they probably could analyse so well that they get all the points without having to write loads of analysis and therefore he wrote lots of context. He may still have gotten full marks but he shouldn't teach the kids to write like that because many don't have the skill to analyse to a grade 9 subject in a few sentences. When it comes to it context is only worth 6/30 marks. Therefore you literally need about 3 sentences of it as long as they are embedded and they link to your point and are perceptive.
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stephsmhb
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(Original post by anonONE1)
I got 2’s in my mocks so you can definitely make one grade jump!
Thanks. English and German are the only subjects I can't get a 9 in. I have never received a 9 in German and English I got a couple in year 10 but recently I just haven't been able to do it. It's good to know that I still have a chance
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Pravi29
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(Original post by anonONE1)
Unfortunately teachers are not always correct and there are very limited marks available for context. I barley touched on context in my lit GCSE and I still got a 9 there’s more marks for A01 and 2 so is focus on nailing them first and then looking at a little bit of context
Thanks!
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Pravi29
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(Original post by stephsmhb)
TBH your teacher shouldn't have done that. As a teacher they probably could analyse so well that they get all the points without having to write loads of analysis and therefore he wrote lots of context. He may still have gotten full marks but he shouldn't teach the kids to write like that because many don't have the skill to analyse to a grade 9 subject in a few sentences. When it comes to it context is only worth 6/30 marks. Therefore you literally need about 3 sentences of it as long as they are embedded and they link to your point and are perceptive.
Thanks!
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Tolgarda
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Apart from the first paragraph, I can't seem to identify much of AO2 here, which I believe is being assessed. You have a brilliant focus on context, and there is good AO1 analysis here, with some nice and fluid comparison. I didn't drop a single mark in the poetry section in my GCSEs, but prior to actual exams, my poetry essays were pretty similar to this. I'd recommend taking the pretty sound advice above.
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Pravi29
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(Original post by Tolgarda)
Apart from the first paragraph, I can't seem to identify much of AO2 here, which I believe is being assessed. You have a brilliant focus on context, and there is good AO1 analysis here, with some nice and fluid comparison. I didn't drop a single mark in the poetry section in my GCSEs, but prior to actual exams, my poetry essays were pretty similar to this. I'd recommend taking the pretty sound advice above.
Okay. Thanks!
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