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Mum caught shoplifting in-front of me.

Hi,

I feel a bit numb and distressed here,

I was just with my mum in a supermarket. We were paying at the self-service tills.

We were just paying on the same checkout, when my mum was told to empty her bags (she carried a plastic bag in to the store). There were doughnuts, bread things and cream that she had not scanned, and had attempted to steal unbeknown to me.

One of the two self-service checkout assistants, the one who emptied her bag, shouted that she was told to leave the store, and that she was banned from all branches of this supermarket for life.

I paid for all of the goods after she left and apologised profusely to the other self-service checkout assistant who was still there. She seemed friendly with me, given what just happened, but alleged that my mum was caught in another branch of the supermarket doing the same thing, and that they had a photo of her. I just kept apologising for what happened, and was completely taken a back. She gave me a friendly touch on the arm before I left and told me to 'look after my mum'.

I had no idea that she was struggling, or why she would do anything like this. I am just home from University over the Christmas break, and really aren't looking forward to returning with this experinece in my mind.

I just feel so numb and don't really know what to think and do. I am just so upset. I don't know why she would do this, but I just feel so angry at the same time for what happened, and I feel that I will never see her in the same way again.

Please could I have some perspectives on this?

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Original post by Anonymous
Hi,

I feel a bit numb and distressed here,

I was just with my mum in a supermarket. We were paying at the self-service tills.

We were just paying on the same checkout, when my mum was told to empty her bags (she carried a plastic bag in to the store). There were doughnuts, bread things and cream that she had not scanned, and had attempted to steal unbeknown to me.

One of the two self-service checkout assistants, the one who emptied her bag, shouted that she was told to leave the store, and that she was banned from all branches of this supermarket for life.

I paid for all of the goods after she left and apologised profusely to the other self-service checkout assistant who was still there. She seemed friendly with me, given what just happened, but alleged that my mum was caught in another branch of the supermarket doing the same thing, and that they had a photo of her. I just kept apologising for what happened, and was completely taken a back. She gave me a friendly touch on the arm before I left and told me to 'look after my mum'.

I had no idea that she was struggling, or why she would do anything like this. I am just home from University over the Christmas break, and really aren't looking forward to returning with this experinece in my mind.

I just feel so numb and don't really know what to think and do. I am just so upset. I don't know why she would do this, but I just feel so angry at the same time for what happened, and I feel that I will never see her in the same way again.

Please could I have some perspectives on this?


Are you sure this happened? You cannot be challenged until you leave the shop ...
Just to clear things up then, it wasn’t an accident for sure? She definitely didn’t forget that she had put some baked goods in her bag?

Maybe she needed reminding to scan the stuff that was in her bag if she hadn’t even left the store yet?
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Muttley79
Are you sure this happened? You cannot be challenged until you leave the shop ...

I brought a shopping bag to ALDI last week (because I didn't want to pay 5p). The bag had some cakes which I brought earlier that day and when I got to the checkout, I was asked to show the employee what was in the bag. He told me that it was the 'store policy' to do this sometimes to prevent shoplifting..

So I guess we can be challenged before leaving the shop.
(edited 5 years ago)
If your mum has been caught before then that defiently is a sign she’s struggling, has she mentioned before she’s tight on money? Times can be hard especially around Christmas, all you should think is that your mum obviously really cares about you, things happen.
Original post by Muttley79
Are you sure this happened? You cannot be challenged until you leave the shop ...

If the mum had been caught previously in another branch of the store, and had been banned, they can challenge them instore as, usually, the ban given to shoplifters covers every store in teh country and means that they can actually be done for trespassing.

OP...try and be sympathetic to your mum - either things are really bad for her at home financially or emotionally OR just considering the things she has stolen - does she have an eating disorder? In either case she is crying out for help - whilst it will be a difficult conversation - sit her down and tell her that you need to know exactly what is going on....
Original post by Anonymous
If your mum has been caught before then that defiently is a sign she’s struggling, has she mentioned before she’s tight on money? Times can be hard especially around Christmas, all you should think is that your mum obviously really cares about you, things happen.

I understand you're being nice and all, but simply being 'tight on money' isn't a good enough excuse for shoplifting, in my opinion.
Original post by Muttley79
Are you sure this happened? You cannot be challenged until you leave the shop ...


talk to her but dont make her feel embarrassed. just ask her if she needs help and what is happening
Original post by Infinite Series
I brought a shopping bad to ALDI last week (because I didn't want to pay 5p). The bag had some cakes I brought earlier that day and when I got to the checkout, I was asked to show the employee what was in the bag. He told me that it was the 'store policy' to do this sometimes to prevent shoplifting..

So I guess we can be challenged before leaving the shop.


You can't legally be searched like this.
Original post by Msbrownie.xo
talk to her but dont make her feel embarrassed. just ask her if she needs help and what is happening


Why have you replied to me?
Original post by Muttley79
Why have you replied to me?


oml sorry im half asleep lmao
Original post by Muttley79
You can't legally be searched like this.

Really?
They just asked to see what's in the bag, I took out the cake box and then I was good to go. They didn't search me themselves, so is it still illegal?
Original post by Infinite Series
Really?
They just asked to see what's in the bag, I took out the cake box and then I was good to go. They didn't search me themselves, so is it still illegal?

Technically asking to see in your bag whilst you are in the store is fine - you can and do have the right to refuse - if you then leave the store they can stop you but would have to call the police to search you. I hvae responded to Muttley upthread about where it is legal to confront someone in a store.
Original post by GrandMedic
Just to clear things up then, it wasn’t an accident for sure? She definitely didn’t forget that she had put some baked goods in her bag?

Maybe she needed reminding to scan the stuff that was in her bag if she hadn’t even left the store yet?


No, it was definitely on purpose. They claimed to be following her since she entered the store, as I assume they were truthful when they told me that she had done it before, and they had a photo of her.
Original post by Anonymous
If your mum has been caught before then that defiently is a sign she’s struggling, has she mentioned before she’s tight on money? Times can be hard especially around Christmas, all you should think is that your mum obviously really cares about you, things happen.


Really? I just feel so sickened that she felt she could do this when she was standing next to me without me knowing too. It was so public when she was being shouted at. Anyone could have thought that I was implicated in on it. I feel numb about it all.
Original post by Simbasoul
If the mum had been caught previously in another branch of the store, and had been banned, they can challenge them instore as, usually, the ban given to shoplifters covers every store in teh country and means that they can actually be done for trespassing.

OP...try and be sympathetic to your mum - either things are really bad for her at home financially or emotionally OR just considering the things she has stolen - does she have an eating disorder? In either case she is crying out for help - whilst it will be a difficult conversation - sit her down and tell her that you need to know exactly what is going on....


Thanks. To be honest, I am not sure what is going on. She bought clothing items just an hour before she went into this store that were worth well more than the £3 of the value of the goods that were in her bag. I have no idea why she did it.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks. To be honest, I am not sure what is going on. She bought clothing items just an hour before she went into this store that were worth well more than the £3 of the value of the goods that were in her bag. I have no idea why she did it.

If that is the case then it may well be something to do with eating or a cry for help/attention....are you the only child at home (who is now at university) perhaps?
Original post by Infinite Series
Really?
They just asked to see what's in the bag, I took out the cake box and then I was good to go. They didn't search me themselves, so is it still illegal?


Muttley is right on the law here, I worked in retail and my security colleagues could only stop someone if they could see clearly what was happening on cctv and as they were leaving the store. As for whomever mentioned trespassing, it is not illegal, aggravated trespassing however is. In other words, once someone has asked you to leave and you refuse - you can then be done for aggravated trespassing.
Original post by Dannyboy2015
Muttley is right on the law here, I worked in retail and my security colleagues could only stop someone if they could see clearly what was happening on cctv and as they were leaving the store. As for whomever mentioned trespassing, it is not illegal, aggravated trespassing however is. In other words, once someone has asked you to leave and you refuse - you can then be done for aggravated trespassing.

I used to be a Manager of a very well known department store on the High Street - all shops are private property and, with the police present, issuing a banning notice is the equivalent of a trespass notice - it does not have to be aggravated - the banning notice serves as the "asking them to leave" it's just you've done it in advance....some stores only ban for that particular store - others (like the one I worked for) issue a nationwide ban and circulate photographs of offenders to all stores security. The trespass notice meant that if they were caught in the shop again (anywhere in the country) and stole something then they could be done for burglary, not theft, which is obviously far more serious. But none of this is specifically helping the OP so apologies to them for that!
(edited 5 years ago)
Hi everyone,

Thanks for all of your replies. Just a quick question - do you think that the store will also take my image, as we went in together and paid on the same self-service checkout.

I obviously had no idea that my mum had put the items in her bag, as I went off on my own in the store.

I am just a bit paranoid that I am going to be put on some kind of blacklist, just for being with her when it happened. :/

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