Loneliness After Undergrad Sucks- A Rant

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 2 years ago
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I moved to London to start my degree in 2012 and it was the most exciting period of my life. I moved into halls, where I met great people and formed what felt like solid, meaningful friendships. I felt infinitely closer to these people that any of the friends I had at school, no doubt because we lived together for three years. It was like a second family.

But nobody prepared me for how difficult life would be after graduating. Three years and masters degree later, I'm about to start my doctorate with absolutely nobody to spend my time in London with. I am now living with strangers in a house where socialising does not happen- we might meet in the kitchen and say a quick hello, but other than that, we know nothing about each other. I have to live in this situation because a) my uni friends have all moved on in one way or another and b) I can't afford a place on my own in this ridiculous city.

This didn't matter as much to me whilst I still had my best friend from uni. We would see each other a few times a week, go drinking, go to the theatre, message all the time. But, for some unknown reason, she's decided to cut me out of her life. She no longer responds to messages or invitations to do something, and I've given up trying. As for all the rest, contact has just dried up with them.

I am, essentially, completely alone. I have to pretend to my family that I'm still having an amazing time in London so I don't sound like a total loser/failure. All I have are my studies and my part-time job. I don't want a relationship because, after years of being bullied at school, I'm too insecure and self-conscious (I freak out and panic if anyone shows interest).

I'm feeling incredibly depressed about it all and I just want to give up. I'm ranting on student room because I don't have anybody to do it to in the flesh. It's pathetic.

You're led to believe that university is going to cement your future, lay down your roots in a new city, hand you ready-made, lasting friendships. In my case, I can say that this has all been total *******s and I am pretty ****ed.

Rant over.
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bunnyboots3
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Hello! I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. I’m going through something similar at the moment and understand it’s tough and physically draining.
I’m only a message away if you want to rant some more.
All the best x
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Anonymous #2
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At least you didn't have to move back to your home town.

Keep in mind that in a way, how you socialise at university or work isn't that different to school. You're all in the same place doing more or less the same thing and as a consequence spend a lot of time together. That is one thing that bonds you and unless you hate each other's guts, makes up for not actually knowing each other very well. You still consider yourselves friends. But like school ending, once you stop being forced to do everything together in the same place, you actually need to make an effort to see people and not everybody does, either because they are lazy, don't like you that much, or you genuinely don't actually have that much in common. Friends of convenience can break your heart because of all this, but most of your friends through life will be like this. Some will become lifelong friends but there's a reason why they will be in the minority. Try branching out to other places different to your university or flatmates.
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Analyst89
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I'm sorry to hear this.

You should see your GP regarding your depression.

Maybe you could join a social club out of a hobby to meet new people or online meet ups?

If you need to rant more feel free to pm me .
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Chicken.M.
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ye thats life. You just need to make new friends lol.

I'm pretty antisocial and don't go out much so one of the ways I made a bunch of friends is by setting up an astrology facebook group and I have loads of people from there that I talk to now.
Last edited by Chicken.M.; 2 years ago
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Daigan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I moved to London to start my degree in 2012 and it was the most exciting period of my life. I moved into halls, where I met great people and formed what felt like solid, meaningful friendships. I felt infinitely closer to these people that any of the friends I had at school, no doubt because we lived together for three years. It was like a second family.

But nobody prepared me for how difficult life would be after graduating. Three years and masters degree later, I'm about to start my doctorate with absolutely nobody to spend my time in London with. I am now living with strangers in a house where socialising does not happen- we might meet in the kitchen and say a quick hello, but other than that, we know nothing about each other. I have to live in this situation because a) my uni friends have all moved on in one way or another and b) I can't afford a place on my own in this ridiculous city.

This didn't matter as much to me whilst I still had my best friend from uni. We would see each other a few times a week, go drinking, go to the theatre, message all the time. But, for some unknown reason, she's decided to cut me out of her life. She no longer responds to messages or invitations to do something, and I've given up trying. As for all the rest, contact has just dried up with them.

I am, essentially, completely alone. I have to pretend to my family that I'm still having an amazing time in London so I don't sound like a total loser/failure. All I have are my studies and my part-time job. I don't want a relationship because, after years of being bullied at school, I'm too insecure and self-conscious (I freak out and panic if anyone shows interest).

I'm feeling incredibly depressed about it all and I just want to give up. I'm ranting on student room because I don't have anybody to do it to in the flesh. It's pathetic.

You're led to believe that university is going to cement your future, lay down your roots in a new city, hand you ready-made, lasting friendships. In my case, I can say that this has all been total *******s and I am pretty ****ed.

Rant over.
I moved to London a few months ago after finishing my Master's. I have friends from work and in my flat share but we don't go out and socialise all too often because we have different interests. This doesn't bother me at all because I prefer my own company, and if I want company when I go out I ususally chat with other people in bars and stuff.

But one thing I do miss is going to the theatre with friends. No-one I know likes the theatre.

So if you'd like (and if you're in the zone 1 area) i'm always open to befriending new people.
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