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Why are so many people at uni fake?

During my first year I thought I had so many friends. We got along well etc but then I figured out something is wrong.

Firstly, I was ALWAYS doing the messaging/approaching, they never messaged me or started a chat with me even once unless they needed something.

Secondly, when I had a fallout with with someone in our group, the "friend" as soon as possible backed the other person up. This shocked me to be honest.

What is shocking I only figured this out 3 months after starting uni. I ended up with one friend. I since left and my only friend has been abandoned by everyone in the group but 2 people.

I am glad I didn't stay for a second year because I would definitely be abandoned and ignored just like he is.

Reply 1

SarcAndSpark

I don't think making sweeping judgements based on one experience/group of people is that helpful. It sounds like you had a poor experience with one group of friends who you met early on, rather than a major problem with everyone.

Friendships early on in uni are often quite shallow. Most people make their first friends due to proximity, rather than really having loads in common. Most people tend to make more lasting friendships over time on their course or via societies and often it's good not to rely too much on any one group of people.

You also don't say what the "fall out" was about, but are sure you didn't have a hand in it? If a lot of people have taken against you because of something, it may be worth examining your own behaviour.

Reply 2

Berryboy01

Original post by SarcAndSpark

My disadvantage was that I was a introvert. The person I had a fallout with used her friend who I thought was also my friend to cause people to ignore me. Her friend was a mega extrovert and had really good relationship with the overall group. He was active and more confident which caused him to persuade people to go against me. I was betrayed.

I didn't really stand a chance since I competed with a girl in first place. Lot of things go wrong there. I guess I met wrong people. Shouldn't have gotten confident so soon. Will definitely watch people from now on so it taught me a lesson.

Reply 3

ImNotReallyMe

Original post by Berryboy01

Go with your gut with how you feel around people. Sometimes it's worth it and there's more you can do to help the situation. But if people put you down even when you try and you still can't seem to fit in, it's not worth the energy and you're better off finding real friends

Reply 4

gjd800

They are still fidning out who they are, in many cases.

Reply 5

SarcAndSpark

Original post by Berryboy01

I'm sorry, but I guess I just don't see any of this as people being fake. You had a fall out with one member of the group, which sounds quite serious, and if you two weren't able to make up, it does make sense that people would pick sides.

I think maybe the lesson to take this a) It's good to have more than one set of friends so you have multiple groups of people to do things with and b) maybe to think about how you deal with conflict with other people.

But also, it sounds like you're not even at the uni anymore, so maybe it would be healthier to let go and move on?

Reply 6

Terminator01

Original post by SarcAndSpark

Yes, I relied too much on one group. My flatmates were nicer people overall. But I still made a couple of friends. I wouldn't go back even if I was guaranteed a first.

Reply 7

DrawTheLine

Original post by Terminator01

Lots of people are just friends for convenience. It's in the past, you aren't at uni anymore, move on.

Reply 8

hallamstudents

Official Rep

Hey @Terminator01,

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with friendships at the university. I'm a final year Business and Enterprise Management student at Sheffield Hallam University and throughout my time at uni, my friendship groups have changed. I found that some friends I made during my first term weren't real friends, and, I didn't have a lot in common with them anyway. Like others have said, you tend to become friends initially with those on your course or who are living in close proximity to you and these aren't always the best type of friendships to form. Through the rest of my first year, and, particularly in my second year, I started to meet people who I now consider to be lifelong friends. We have so much in common, and, get on really well, but, we're all on completely different courses. I promise things will get easier, try to get involved in everything you can and take every opportunity you get! It's a fantastic way to meet new people.

Thanks,

Harvey