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My friend and her dead dad, what to do?

I've been friends with this girl for just under five years now and it's really becoming clear to me that she only cares about herself. Her dad died many, many years ago however, she always seems to make it the center of topic whenever something happens which isn't about her.

For example my sisters just died and I'm wondering if she's actually going to come to the funeral, previously she's stated she doesn't go to funerals because it reminds her of her dads one, her dad died some ten years ago and by now she should get over it and stop making everything about herself in my opinion. Just under a year ago she trashed a friends wake and glassed someone all because it reminded her of her dads passing and she was upset, this always happens whenever she has a drink.

Over all I don't want her showing up for that reason but at the same time she was really good friends with my sister as well and should be there. But if she shows up I can see her making everything about her and her dad, it's beginning to get really repetitive and annoying now. Whenever she's in the wrong she will cry about her dead dad and it's becoming really tiring. She doesn't understand that other people have their own problems such as family members passing away, it always has to be about her. Or she does understand but doesn't care.

How do I deal with a friend that makes everything about her and her dead dad that died years ago? Advice needed.
Reply 1
Original post by ross5678
I've been friends with this girl for just under five years now and it's really becoming clear to me that she only cares about herself. Her dad died many, many years ago however, she always seems to make it the center of topic whenever something happens which isn't about her.

For example my sisters just died and I'm wondering if she's actually going to come to the funeral, previously she's stated she doesn't go to funerals because it reminds her of her dads one, her dad died some ten years ago and by now she should get over it and stop making everything about herself in my opinion. Just under a year ago she trashed a friends wake and glassed someone all because it reminded her of her dads passing and she was upset, this always happens whenever she has a drink.

Over all I don't want her showing up for that reason but at the same time she was really good friends with my sister as well and should be there. But if she shows up I can see her making everything about her and her dad, it's beginning to get really repetitive and annoying now. Whenever she's in the wrong she will cry about her dead dad and it's becoming really tiring. She doesn't understand that other people have their own problems such as family members passing away, it always has to be about her. Or she does understand but doesn't care.

How do I deal with a friend that makes everything about her and her dead dad that died years ago? Advice needed.

She hasn't got over it, and she needs to. She's dwelling on the past.

Don't take her to your sister's funeral. She'll find a way to make it about her and her dad, and you don't need that.

I'm sorry you've lost your sister :hugs:
Reply 2
Original post by Tootles
She hasn't got over it, and she needs to. She's dwelling on the past.

Don't take her to your sister's funeral. She'll find a way to make it about her and her dad, and you don't need that.

I'm sorry you've lost your sister :hugs:

Quite sad people are saying she needs to get over it.. everyone greives differently, and she obviously deals with it not how people like. She doesn’t ever have to get over the passing off her dad.. it’s her dad. If you think she is going to misbehave at your sisters funeral then tell her your concerns and see What she says.

But I am sorry for your lost and as I said you will grieve and maybe you’ll understand why she is like that. Take care.
Reply 3
Original post by Tootles
She hasn't got over it, and she needs to. She's dwelling on the past.

Don't take her to your sister's funeral. She'll find a way to make it about her and her dad, and you don't need that.

I'm sorry you've lost your sister :hugs:


You probably feel I'm a bit of a **** for thinking this way but I've had it for the five years I've known her and I'm losing my patience very quickly, I've been very, very patient with her in the past etc. It's horrible to lose your dad, I should know but she's really milking it.

If I don't tell her when and where it is that will cause an argument also but I suppose it beats her possibly ruining the funeral or doing something stupid so I probably won't tell her and thanks :smile:
Reply 4
Original post by ellieRx
Quite sad people are saying she needs to get over it.. everyone greives differently, and she obviously deals with it not how people like. She doesn’t ever have to get over the passing off her dad.. it’s her dad. If you think she is going to misbehave at your sisters funeral then tell her your concerns and see What she says.

But I am sorry for your lost and as I said you will grieve and maybe you’ll understand why she is like that. Take care.

Losing your dad is horrible, I've lost mine and I'm aware that people grieve in different ways but she only ever brings up her dad whenever something isn't about her or if she's in the wrong about something. When everythings about her she won't ever mention it. And you can't talk to her about things like that or she will fly off the handle.
Reply 5
Original post by ellieRx
Quite sad people are saying she needs to get over it.. everyone greives differently, and she obviously deals with it not how people like. She doesn’t ever have to get over the passing off her dad.. it’s her dad. If you think she is going to misbehave at your sisters funeral then tell her your concerns and see What she says.

But I am sorry for your lost and as I said you will grieve and maybe you’ll understand why she is like that. Take care.
The thing is that she does need to get over it. That's not a cruel thing to say, it's a practical thing to say. Life goes on. By what you've said, we should all spend our lives weeping and wringing our hands for those we've lost. OP's friend has lost someone - so has OP, so have I.

Yes, it's her dad, but life doesn't stop with the death of a parent, and from what OP said, it sounds like it was long enough ago that she should have resumed functioning normally. She's been stuck in a stage of grief that usually lasts a few months for several years, and it has obviously affected her mental health in a very serious way. The sort of way that needs some very good therapy to overcome.


Original post by ross5678
You probably feel I'm a bit of a **** for thinking this way but I've had it for the five years I've known her and I'm losing my patience very quickly, I've been very, very patient with her in the past etc. It's horrible to lose your dad, I should know but she's really milking it.

If I don't tell her when and where it is that will cause an argument also but I suppose it beats her possibly ruining the funeral or doing something stupid so I probably won't tell her and thanks :smile:
No, I don't. Your concern is normal and right - you don't want your sister's funeral to be marred by someone else's unhealthy actions.

My honest and frank opinion is don't take her or tell her when/where it is until afterwards - when you should consider also telling her that she might benefit from some kind of help. This might cost you the friendship, but from what you've said it doesn't sound like that would be any great loss.

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