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Do you think being self centered really is a bad thing? watch

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    I got told today that I am self-centered by a friend from home and when asked to elaborate, I was told that I only really do things if it benefits me.

    I agree with it because I do to an extent but I don't see why it is seen in a negative way.
    I got in to my first choice university with amazing grades and I wouldn't of done that if I hadn't of declined my friend's invitations to go out to instead sit at home and study - which benefited me.
    I guess I do put myself first rather than my friends but that's just out of fear of getting upset as I know how people can turn on you and if you do a lot of things for them, you will end up getting upset.
    I am proud of my independence in my life because I haven't relied on anyone for anything I do and I do my own thing. However, it is upsetting for someone to call me self absorbed because l do care what my friends think about me and want them to know that I do care about them too.

    Do you think it is a bad trait to have? Do you think I should speak to my friend about this and try explain things in my way or do you think they will never understand?
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    No it is the best trait one can have for themselves. It will make you happy.

    It's your life, you only get one go at it. Might as well put yourself as the priority. Other people are unreliable, people always dissapoint. So don't waste your life trying to please everyone, use it to please yourself first and foremost.

    If anyone tries to bring you down for putting yourself first, ignore them. Most the time the people who say that wished they could be like you, they never put themselves first when they should.
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    I don't see what you did as a negative thing. You can't be that self centred if the opinion your friends have towards you bother you.
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    It depends, it’s good in a way because it means you can get what you want done. But some people can be so self centred to the point where everything and every conversation has to be about them and that can be quite exhausting to deal with. Maybe ask your friend to elaborate a bit more about what she actually meant. Then you can examine your behaviour to see whether it’s actually problematic or not.
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    It’s not a negative thing at all. I’m the complete opposite I put all my friends feelings first, make sure they’re okay before myself. Now I just feel worthless as my friends don’t do the same to me 😂 It’s good you know your worth and you’re putting yourself first, I wish I could
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    (Original post by Zara2323)
    I got told today that I am self-centered by a friend from home and when asked to elaborate, I was told that I only really do things if it benefits me.

    I agree with it because I do to an extent but I don't see why it is seen in a negative way.
    I got in to my first choice university with amazing grades and I wouldn't of done that if I hadn't of declined my friend's invitations to go out to instead sit at home and study - which benefited me.
    I guess I do put myself first rather than my friends but that's just out of fear of getting upset as I know how people can turn on you and if you do a lot of things for them, you will end up getting upset.
    I am proud of my independence in my life because I haven't relied on anyone for anything I do and I do my own thing. However, it is upsetting for someone to call me self absorbed because l do care what my friends think about me and want them to know that I do care about them too.

    Do you think it is a bad trait to have? Do you think I should speak to my friend about this and try explain things in my way or do you think they will never understand?
    *centred
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    (Original post by Zara2323)
    I got told today that I am self-centered by a friend from home and when asked to elaborate, I was told that I only really do things if it benefits me.

    I agree with it because I do to an extent but I don't see why it is seen in a negative way.
    I got in to my first choice university with amazing grades and I wouldn't of done that if I hadn't of declined my friend's invitations to go out to instead sit at home and study - which benefited me.
    I guess I do put myself first rather than my friends but that's just out of fear of getting upset as I know how people can turn on you and if you do a lot of things for them, you will end up getting upset.
    I am proud of my independence in my life because I haven't relied on anyone for anything I do and I do my own thing. However, it is upsetting for someone to call me self absorbed because l do care what my friends think about me and want them to know that I do care about them too.

    Do you think it is a bad trait to have? Do you think I should speak to my friend about this and try explain things in my way or do you think they will never understand?
    Your idea of not going out and studying is hardly selfish it is probably sensible as you sacrificed immediate pleasure for a future reward do is delayed gratification.

    What other things have they described you as being selfish for?
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    (Original post by chooseanother)
    It depends, it’s good in a way because it means you can get what you want done. But some people can be so self centred to the point where everything and every conversation has to be about them and that can be quite exhausting to deal with. Maybe ask your friend to elaborate a bit more about what she actually meant. Then you can examine your behaviour to see whether it’s actually problematic or not.
    I am such a private person as in my friends basically know nothing about any issues/problems I have. I am a quiet person and I listen more to my friends rambling and give advice or my opinion rather than talk about myself.
    I asked her to elaborate today but I could tell she felt a bit awkward so I changed the subject but hopefully will speak to her about it soon. Thank you!

    And thank you everyone else for your responses.
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    (Original post by Millyyy03)
    It’s not a negative thing at all. I’m the complete opposite I put all my friends feelings first, make sure they’re okay before myself. Now I just feel worthless as my friends don’t do the same to me 😂 It’s good you know your worth and you’re putting yourself first, I wish I could
    Ha that was literally me a year ago. I would put so much energy in to my friends for them to throw it in my face and that's when I sort of snapped and realised it is every man for themselves. I am so sorry because I do know how much putting other people first sucks, but at least you're a genuinely kind person which is rare tbh. I do feel bad about being selfish now my friends have brought it up.
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    (Original post by CollectiveSoul)
    *centred
    Thanks for the insight - if only I focused less on myself and more on my spelling lol
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    Your education should always be above your friends x
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    (Original post by iodo345)
    Your idea of not going out and studying is hardly selfish it is probably sensible as you sacrificed immediate pleasure for a future reward do is delayed gratification.

    What other things have they described you as being selfish for?
    I am not too sure as my friend began to feel awkward when I wanted her to explain so I sort of just changed the subject.
    I think it is also things such as I won't answer calls when I am busy however bear in mind my friends phone me whenever they are bored, which is a lot of the time. I won't always go out with my friends to an event even if they really want to go if I have work to do or if I just don't really feel like it. I am visiting home from uni and obviously I am spending time with family and other friends outside of my 'main' friendship group. I think this may have contributed to it.

    I think it was said because of a recent issue we had where me and two friends went on a night out and afterwards stayed at my friend's uni accomodation. They both invited boys over for you know what... And obviously I didn't feel like my company was wanted and there was no space just for me to sleep or something so I got a Uber home. I was a bit annoyed at one of my friends (who was the one who eventually called me self-centred) because the guy she invited had been super horrible to her for a year and does not respect her at all. I didn't argue with her, I just told her she deserved so much better. I think she thinks I am selfish because I left because there was nothing there for me and also because I had to stop at her house to get my keys because she thought her mum would be mad, but it was 7 in the morning (her mum wakes up at that time anyway) and her mum didn't seem bothered when I walked in.
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    No.
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    to an extent no, but too much so then it is bad.
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    Not if you're a YouTuber, you can make a lot of money from being self-centered.
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    (Original post by Zara2323)
    I got told today that I am self-centered by a friend from home and when asked to elaborate, I was told that I only really do things if it benefits me.

    I agree with it because I do to an extent but I don't see why it is seen in a negative way.
    I got in to my first choice university with amazing grades and I wouldn't of done that if I hadn't of declined my friend's invitations to go out to instead sit at home and study - which benefited me.
    I guess I do put myself first rather than my friends but that's just out of fear of getting upset as I know how people can turn on you and if you do a lot of things for them, you will end up getting upset.
    I am proud of my independence in my life because I haven't relied on anyone for anything I do and I do my own thing. However, it is upsetting for someone to call me self absorbed because l do care what my friends think about me and want them to know that I do care about them too.

    Do you think it is a bad trait to have? Do you think I should speak to my friend about this and try explain things in my way or do you think they will never understand?
    Being 'self-centred' is how humans have managed to survive for as long as we have. We are certainly brilliant creatures but, this does not make us exempt from our primal behaviours. We still have survival as our number one priority whether we are aware of it or not and to put oneself above others is within our nature. However, it is also within our nature to be social creatures, once again in the interest of survival, this is where the concept of selfishness becomes problematic. Care for those around you in the hopes that they will provide some benefit to you in exchange i.e strength in numbers or, leave them and look after yourself at your own peril. We are inherently selfish and it is only in a modern world that this is 'immoral'. However, to counter all of what I just said, I do believe that selfishness must be cast away with regards to family as you owe them your conception and rearing.
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    I don't think that there is self to centre on.
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    No. It's a basic survival instinct biologically programmed into us. If we weren't self-centered our ancestors would never have made it out of the caves and we'd have gone extinct.

    However, co-operation is also a survival instinct biologically programmed into us. Without it our ancestors would have all been prey rather than predators. So while we are, and should be self-centered, we shouldn't be so self-centered that we forget about those closest to us, especially in their times of need.

    Be self-centered, but also make time for others. Basically.
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    its better to be self-centered then hating yourself and wanting nothing more than to get out the body you hate. so yes i would rather be self-centered
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    "Self-centered" has a negative connotation to it.

    Prioritising your own affairs is fine but to be self centered means to revolve the entire world around yourself and to make everything about you.
 
 
 
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