How to stop being jealous of the girl my friend is interested in?
my friend, who is a guy, let's call him X used to be my fwb. We value our friendship above anything else and I don't see him as someone who could potentially be in a relationship with me. X and I decided to end things about a month ago but we both dealt with the situation really badly which ended up with me being really hurt and him feeling extremely guilty.
Now after the holidays... we're both trying to move on. We've talked about it and we both just want the best for each other but one thing I just can't be comfortable with is a girl hes really interested in. He treats her in a way he never treated me and since the wounds are so fresh, it really hurts to see her. He has feelings for her and he invites her to a lot of meet ups with our other close friends. This really aggravates me because I constantly compare myself to her, it really really hurts to see her. Shes so pretty and smart and just perfect and I know I'm pretty and smart etc. but she beats me in every way and it just makes me anxious since I already have lwo self esteem.
On top of that it was one of our other friends birthday, let's call her Y. Y is my closest friend she understands how difficult things have been for me. Yet... she invited the girl that X is interested in to her party knowing that there was still tension between X and I. I just dont understand why she would do that even if she does get along with the girl. It's kind of isolating me because I cant turn up to events if shes there because it really aggravates my mental health which is already poor.
I dont know how to stop thinking about her. I dont know how to stop antagonizing this girl and feeling so low in comparison to her and I also feel extremely betrayed by my friends... I guess that's why you dont **** people I the same friendship group but I dont know who Y supports anymore. shes my closest friend but it doesnt seem like it anymore.
Now after the holidays... we're both trying to move on. We've talked about it and we both just want the best for each other but one thing I just can't be comfortable with is a girl hes really interested in. He treats her in a way he never treated me and since the wounds are so fresh, it really hurts to see her. He has feelings for her and he invites her to a lot of meet ups with our other close friends. This really aggravates me because I constantly compare myself to her, it really really hurts to see her. Shes so pretty and smart and just perfect and I know I'm pretty and smart etc. but she beats me in every way and it just makes me anxious since I already have lwo self esteem.
On top of that it was one of our other friends birthday, let's call her Y. Y is my closest friend she understands how difficult things have been for me. Yet... she invited the girl that X is interested in to her party knowing that there was still tension between X and I. I just dont understand why she would do that even if she does get along with the girl. It's kind of isolating me because I cant turn up to events if shes there because it really aggravates my mental health which is already poor.
I dont know how to stop thinking about her. I dont know how to stop antagonizing this girl and feeling so low in comparison to her and I also feel extremely betrayed by my friends... I guess that's why you dont **** people I the same friendship group but I dont know who Y supports anymore. shes my closest friend but it doesnt seem like it anymore.
Original post by Anonymous
my friend, who is a guy, let's call him X used to be my fwb. We value our friendship above anything else and I don't see him as someone who could potentially be in a relationship with me. X and I decided to end things about a month ago but we both dealt with the situation really badly which ended up with me being really hurt and him feeling extremely guilty.
Now after the holidays... we're both trying to move on. We've talked about it and we both just want the best for each other but one thing I just can't be comfortable with is a girl hes really interested in. He treats her in a way he never treated me and since the wounds are so fresh, it really hurts to see her. He has feelings for her and he invites her to a lot of meet ups with our other close friends. This really aggravates me because I constantly compare myself to her, it really really hurts to see her. Shes so pretty and smart and just perfect and I know I'm pretty and smart etc. but she beats me in every way and it just makes me anxious since I already have lwo self esteem.
On top of that it was one of our other friends birthday, let's call her Y. Y is my closest friend she understands how difficult things have been for me. Yet... she invited the girl that X is interested in to her party knowing that there was still tension between X and I. I just dont understand why she would do that even if she does get along with the girl. It's kind of isolating me because I cant turn up to events if shes there because it really aggravates my mental health which is already poor.
I dont know how to stop thinking about her. I dont know how to stop antagonizing this girl and feeling so low in comparison to her and I also feel extremely betrayed by my friends... I guess that's why you dont **** people I the same friendship group but I dont know who Y supports anymore. shes my closest friend but it doesnt seem like it anymore.
Now after the holidays... we're both trying to move on. We've talked about it and we both just want the best for each other but one thing I just can't be comfortable with is a girl hes really interested in. He treats her in a way he never treated me and since the wounds are so fresh, it really hurts to see her. He has feelings for her and he invites her to a lot of meet ups with our other close friends. This really aggravates me because I constantly compare myself to her, it really really hurts to see her. Shes so pretty and smart and just perfect and I know I'm pretty and smart etc. but she beats me in every way and it just makes me anxious since I already have lwo self esteem.
On top of that it was one of our other friends birthday, let's call her Y. Y is my closest friend she understands how difficult things have been for me. Yet... she invited the girl that X is interested in to her party knowing that there was still tension between X and I. I just dont understand why she would do that even if she does get along with the girl. It's kind of isolating me because I cant turn up to events if shes there because it really aggravates my mental health which is already poor.
I dont know how to stop thinking about her. I dont know how to stop antagonizing this girl and feeling so low in comparison to her and I also feel extremely betrayed by my friends... I guess that's why you dont **** people I the same friendship group but I dont know who Y supports anymore. shes my closest friend but it doesnt seem like it anymore.
It's the problem with friends with benefits, someone usually develops feelings
You were only FWBs.
And it looks like he's in a relationship with this other girl.
Can't really compare the two.
Maybe if you go shag some new guys you'll get over it lol.
Also about your friends inviting each other to parties. You can't expect everyone to put their life on hold for you just because you don't like this other girl. Parties are massive social events where everyone is invited so you can't just leave certain people out. They'd end up coming anyway.
And it looks like he's in a relationship with this other girl.
Can't really compare the two.
Maybe if you go shag some new guys you'll get over it lol.
Also about your friends inviting each other to parties. You can't expect everyone to put their life on hold for you just because you don't like this other girl. Parties are massive social events where everyone is invited so you can't just leave certain people out. They'd end up coming anyway.
(edited 5 years ago)
please dont tell me to cut them off because I'm not going to do that but I do want to know if Y is being a good friend. I talked to X the other night, we were just studying together and our relationship is mostly healed except this jealousy that I'm trying really hard to overcome.
Original post by ChickenMadness
You were only FWBs.
And it looks like he's in a relationship with this other girl.
Can't really compare the two.
Maybe if you go shag some new guys you'll get over it lol.
And it looks like he's in a relationship with this other girl.
Can't really compare the two.
Maybe if you go shag some new guys you'll get over it lol.
hes not in a relationship with her, hes just interested in her which is fine. I'm not trying to control him but I cant help but feel jealous maybe it's because shes so pretty.
and no I dont want to shag anyone, I want to be comfortable in my own skin and not have to worry about guys for a while I jsur dont know how to get to that stage.
*I'm asking for useful advice please
Original post by ChickenMadness
You were only FWBs.
And it looks like he's in a relationship with this other girl.
Can't really compare the two.
Maybe if you go shag some new guys you'll get over it lol.
Also about your friends inviting each other to parties. You can't expect everyone to put their life on hold for you just because you don't like this other girl. Parties are massive social events where everyone is invited so you can't just leave certain people out. They'd end up coming anyway.
And it looks like he's in a relationship with this other girl.
Can't really compare the two.
Maybe if you go shag some new guys you'll get over it lol.
Also about your friends inviting each other to parties. You can't expect everyone to put their life on hold for you just because you don't like this other girl. Parties are massive social events where everyone is invited so you can't just leave certain people out. They'd end up coming anyway.
it wasnt a massive social event. It was 5 people on invite only. No I dont expect people to put their lives on hold for me but I do expect my closest friends to support during a time when my mental state is very poor.
on top of that, I was the first person he had sex with, there were feelings/attachments on both sides.
Original post by Anonymous
and no I dont want to shag anyone, I want to be comfortable in my own skin and not have to worry about guys for a while I jsur dont know how to get to that stage.
*I'm asking for useful advice please
and no I dont want to shag anyone, I want to be comfortable in my own skin and not have to worry about guys for a while I jsur dont know how to get to that stage.
*I'm asking for useful advice please
By finding some hobbies or social activities that you can spend your time on. Then you won't be thinking about relationships.
If you're at school theres probably after-school activities or societies you can join at University.
Also you can tell your parents about these things, or if you have friends that are much older. Old people always give good advice and make you feel better lol.
Original post by Anonymous
hes not in a relationship with her, hes just interested in her which is fine. I'm not trying to control him but I cant help but feel jealous maybe it's because shes so pretty.
and no I dont want to shag anyone, I want to be comfortable in my own skin and not have to worry about guys for a while I jsur dont know how to get to that stage.
*I'm asking for useful advice please
and no I dont want to shag anyone, I want to be comfortable in my own skin and not have to worry about guys for a while I jsur dont know how to get to that stage.
*I'm asking for useful advice please
Well if you are not going to cut him out your life completely then you are going to have to grit your teeth and put up with it, it is his life, you don't own him.
Original post by Rock Fan
Well if you are not going to cut him out your life completely then you are going to have to grit your teeth and put up with it, it is his life, you don't own him.
are you even reading what I'm writing? lol, dont answer that
Also binge watching TV programs like Game of thrones is a good distraction lol.
Original post by ChickenMadness
Also binge watching TV programs like Game of thrones is a good distraction lol.
Original post by CertiJake
Give him the real McCoy
lol wdym
Original post by Anonymous
lol wdym
to distract you from 'worrying about guys'
Original post by Anonymous
are you even reading what I'm writing? lol, dont answer that
The way I read it, you had a friends with benefits with a guy who seems to be moving onto a new girl and you are jealous of it but you don't want to cut contact.
God, people can be so harsh.
It's a really crappy situation to be in when you're still getting over being hurt by him. However - and it sounds easier than it is - but if you're going to have to see them around each other a lot, the best thing you can do is tell yourself that he might not have treated you as nicely as he treats her, but you'll find someone who does. We've all had an ex (I know he was a FWB, but still) that has treated us like crap and then treated the next person great, but sadly that's just how it is, and sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to it. If he's your friend, he isn't trying to hurt you by being around this girl. He probably thinks you guys are okay and doesn't understand why it would hurt you, but then again, it sounds like he's very inexperienced so wouldn't know how it feels. One day he sadly will as most people have to go through heartbreak at some point. You could always say you him that it's hurting you a bit, but then he might choose her over you, which if your relationship is a bit rocky and he's interested in her, it is a strong possibility. Also, it wouldn't be fair to put him in that position.
Maybe you could befriend the girl? After all, if you have something in common with X, you probably have something in common with her. Sometimes we characterise our ex's new interest badly simply because they are our ex's new interest, when really they're a person too. She hasn't done anything wrong, so maybe it could make it easier on you by getting to know her?
It's a really crappy situation to be in when you're still getting over being hurt by him. However - and it sounds easier than it is - but if you're going to have to see them around each other a lot, the best thing you can do is tell yourself that he might not have treated you as nicely as he treats her, but you'll find someone who does. We've all had an ex (I know he was a FWB, but still) that has treated us like crap and then treated the next person great, but sadly that's just how it is, and sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to it. If he's your friend, he isn't trying to hurt you by being around this girl. He probably thinks you guys are okay and doesn't understand why it would hurt you, but then again, it sounds like he's very inexperienced so wouldn't know how it feels. One day he sadly will as most people have to go through heartbreak at some point. You could always say you him that it's hurting you a bit, but then he might choose her over you, which if your relationship is a bit rocky and he's interested in her, it is a strong possibility. Also, it wouldn't be fair to put him in that position.
Maybe you could befriend the girl? After all, if you have something in common with X, you probably have something in common with her. Sometimes we characterise our ex's new interest badly simply because they are our ex's new interest, when really they're a person too. She hasn't done anything wrong, so maybe it could make it easier on you by getting to know her?
You obviously like this guy, so you have three options:
1. Tell him how you feel
2. Stop speaking to him for a while/cut him off until your feelings cease and you're able to move past it
3. Suck it up
As you've stated, it was a fwb situation so of course he isn't going to act like that because it was nothing more than sex.The problem is, that he was your first. And you were probably better off sleeping with somebody different for your first time, especially when it was never going to be more.
i understand your feelings towards the girl, but you have to remember that she hasn't done anything wrong neither has the guy or your friends for that matter. If would be different if you had been in a relationship with him but you weren't so nobody is being remotely disloyal.
take some time for yourself and take up some new hobbies to get your mind off of things. It is going to be difficult, but you'll get through it
1. Tell him how you feel
2. Stop speaking to him for a while/cut him off until your feelings cease and you're able to move past it
3. Suck it up
As you've stated, it was a fwb situation so of course he isn't going to act like that because it was nothing more than sex.The problem is, that he was your first. And you were probably better off sleeping with somebody different for your first time, especially when it was never going to be more.
i understand your feelings towards the girl, but you have to remember that she hasn't done anything wrong neither has the guy or your friends for that matter. If would be different if you had been in a relationship with him but you weren't so nobody is being remotely disloyal.
take some time for yourself and take up some new hobbies to get your mind off of things. It is going to be difficult, but you'll get through it
Original post by Anonymous
You obviously like this guy, so you have three options:
1. Tell him how you feel
2. Stop speaking to him for a while/cut him off until your feelings cease and you're able to move past it
3. Suck it up
As you've stated, it was a fwb situation so of course he isn't going to act like that because it was nothing more than sex.The problem is, that he was your first. And you were probably better off sleeping with somebody different for your first time, especially when it was never going to be more.
i understand your feelings towards the girl, but you have to remember that she hasn't done anything wrong neither has the guy or your friends for that matter. If would be different if you had been in a relationship with him but you weren't so nobody is being remotely disloyal.
take some time for yourself and take up some new hobbies to get your mind off of things. It is going to be difficult, but you'll get through it
1. Tell him how you feel
2. Stop speaking to him for a while/cut him off until your feelings cease and you're able to move past it
3. Suck it up
As you've stated, it was a fwb situation so of course he isn't going to act like that because it was nothing more than sex.The problem is, that he was your first. And you were probably better off sleeping with somebody different for your first time, especially when it was never going to be more.
i understand your feelings towards the girl, but you have to remember that she hasn't done anything wrong neither has the guy or your friends for that matter. If would be different if you had been in a relationship with him but you weren't so nobody is being remotely disloyal.
take some time for yourself and take up some new hobbies to get your mind off of things. It is going to be difficult, but you'll get through it
he knows how I feel, hes my closest friend and he wants to avoid hurting me in any way. I mentioned this to him but he didn't say much.
he wasnt my first. I was his first.
I never said he was disloyal, I said another friend of ours who happens to be very close to me was being insensitive which made me question our friendships
I never blamed the girl
I dont dislike her but she makes me insecure.
I feel like everyone here is just making assumptions about what I think. I never said I'm in the right... I also never said I want to control him nor did I say it was nothing more than sex. He has said it himself, it was more than sex because we had a very deep and intense connection both emotionally and sexually and we spent a lot of time together not just as friends but he slept over, just did couple things but never labelled it.
I want to know how to restore my self esteem tbh.. I know I didn't make taht clear. But how do I look at this girl and not breakdown because she is so much more than I am. How do I look at myself and be satisfied with what I see? How do I convince myself that im just as good as she is and deserves to be admired?
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