Would you date a single mum?

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So you're bashing them by implying that their morals are lacking because they've already had a child - regardless of the circumstances behind them being single.

And then you're completely dismissing the notion that you can have more children.

Yes, you sound like a real catch. I'm sure those single mums are devastated.

-Haha quite a leap there. Incompatible != "better/worse". Morals are totally subjective. I'm not saying they are lacking in morals, not once have I said that. I said we will have incompatible morals/values.

-Microchimerism. I want children of my own (100%)

-You're huwhite knighting when you don't even have to. Again I was watching a video related to the topic and was interested in other people's reasons they said no. I didn't even state my own for that reason, I only answered because Seamus asked.

Reply 21

MrMusician95

Yes but as people have said, it depends. If she's in my age range so 20-30 and only one (max two kids) yes, I would. Any more is too many and if I find out the father wants to be involved and has been since birth and is not being allowed then I'm also leaving. That's a deal breaker for me.

Reply 22

TommyDH

Original post by Seamus123

These threads are so predictable. I know exactly what the OP meant.

You obviously didn't, you jumped to conclusions. You asked me, remember, I never stated anything. I was wanting to know other people's REASONS. You're choosing to take offense where no offense has been given. Slow day?

Original post by DrawTheLine

Why? Also, do you ask someone this question on a first date to determine if they're worth your time?

Microchimerism.

And no of course not, but you just find out eventually, I should imagine. Never been in the situation before.

Anyway this post has been derailed. In the YT video these young women honestly had no idea why they had trouble finding dates, and honestly, I didn't either, because a lot of them seem nice. I personally won't because of my answer to Seamus, but I didn't know other people's reasons no, and was surprised they didn't know either. So I asked.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 23

Claire461

Single mums, just like single dads, come in many formats. Widowed, divorced, single parent by choice.

Reply 24

Drewski

Original post by TommyDH

It's not about white knighting, it's about calling you out for coming across - whether you intended it or not - as a total *******.

If that's not your intention. Fine. But communication skills are valuable, and how you come across in writing matters.

Reply 25

Drewski

Original post by TommyDH

You obviously didn't, you jumped to conclusions.

Given 4 or 5 people have all come to the same conclusion, maybe it's not us...?

Don't blame others for your shortcomings. Take it on the chin and learn from it.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 26

TommyDH

Original post by Seamus123

Single mums, just like single dads, come in many formats. Widowed, divorced, single parent by choice.

I overlooked that, actually. Good point! In that case, depending on her age I may question my earlier answer.

But then microchimerism is still a thing.

I suppose though if you met someone and fell head over heels stuff like that would seem less important?

Original post by Drewski

Given 4 or 5 people have all come to the same conclusion, maybe it's not us...?

No only one person came to that conclusion, you just decided to white knight. Wamen don't need you to 'save them' on the internet. Just because one misunderstood a simple question doesn't mean they're all weaklings who need you to guard their honour. Most are adults capable of handling a discussion okay.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 27

Claire461

Original post by TommyDH

Well I have been a single mum twice. Once widowed and once divorced.

Reply 28

TommyDH

Original post by Seamus123

Well I have been a single mum twice. Once widowed and once divorced.

Ah okay, now I understand why you chose to take it the way you did. Honestly offense wasn't being offered. I left out my own answer in the OP for that reason. I was just wondering others reasons for saying no (and yes for that matter) because I didn't think it was as simple as "hurr durr men bad!" like these women were saying in the video. I mean they can't all be saying no.. for no reason at all surely. So I was wondering the reasons.

But yeah, I completely overlooked the divorce/widow thing. That's honestly made me rethink my answer of incompatible values in some cases.

Reply 29

Claire461

Original post by TommyDH

You are mistaken. I am not in the least offended. You are....how old? And I am 70. My opinions are likely to differ from yours, but that doesn’t mean I am offended.
Of course, dating a single mother brings its own baggage and can bring complications, but your post mentioned ‘incompatible morals’...

Reply 30

DrawTheLine

Original post by TommyDH

Other methods of contraception exist besides a condom.

So you're saying you wouldn't date a childless woman because she had sex without a condom, even though she was in a long term relationship and used other forms of contraception?

You're restricting yourself so much.

Reply 31

TommyDH

Original post by Seamus123

Well you chose to jump to conclusions and take it the wrong way and you only do that if you choose to be offended by something. If you think people asking questions after seeing a video on a whim to satiate curiosity is somehow a "personal attack".. when that person doesn't even know anything about you (..so how can they be personally attacking you?) then that is a problem (an egotistical one may I add) on your end, and not theirs, no?

And yes, so? We live in a free society and people are free to adopt and have what ever subjective moral standards they wish [within the confines of commonlaw]. There's still no bashing. But as mentioned, if they were single mums due to circumstances beyond their control, then this original assumption of mine may not necessarily be true, which I've already admitted, I have no problems admitting when I may be wrong.

Reply 32

TommyDH

Original post by DrawTheLine

I'm actually not sure if other forms of contraception prevent microchimerism or not, interesting, I'll have to look into that. Still kinda gross though. I want my kids to be 100% mine, not have some leftover gross junk dna from 500 other guys. Rather not catch a disease either.

My two ex's were both virgins, my current girlfriend only had one boyfriend and they didn't do much, and they used condom so. I don't have to worry about that unless we ever break up. I'll cross that bridge then :tongue:

Reply 33

DrawTheLine

Original post by TommyDH

Yeah... no. Sperm only survives inside a woman for up to 5 days. So as long as you're having sex with her after that then you won't be having anybody's "leftovers".

So you wouldn't date a woman who was in a long term disease free relationship because she didn't use a condom even just once? Other forms of contraception prevent pregnancy just fine if they're used correctly so idk where you're getting the idea that some other dude will really be the father if she didn't use a condom 6 years ago once.

Reply 34

TommyDH

Original post by DrawTheLine

Yeah... no. Sperm only survives inside a woman for up to 5 days. So as long as you're having sex with her after that then you won't be having anybody's "leftovers".

That's not microchimerism. The DNA of the male can stay in the female until death, indeed male DNA from former partners has been found in female brains. This can be passed onto children.

In this study, we quantified male DNA in the human female brain as a marker for microchimerism of fetal origin (i.e. acquisition of male DNA by a woman while bearing a male fetus). Targeting the Y-chromosome-specific DYS14 gene, we performed real-time quantitative PCR in autopsied brain from women without clinical or pathologic evidence of neurologic disease (n = 26), or women who had Alzheimer’s disease (n = 33). We report that 63% of the females (37 of 59) tested harbored male microchimerism in the brain. Male microchimerism was present in multiple brain regions. Results also suggested lower prevalence (p = 0.03) and concentration (p = 0.06) of male microchimerism in the brains of women with Alzheimer’s disease than the brains of women without neurologic disease. In conclusion, male microchimerism is frequent and widely distributed in the human female brain.

sing fluorescence in situhybridization, we indeed found rare male cells in the brain of B6388 (Figure S2). The remaining concentration values in the dataset were 29.4 gEq/105 or less. Regarding the relationship between pregnancy history and Mc prevalence, five of nine subjects who were known to have at least one son harbored male Mc in at least one of their brain regions (Table S3)

So you wouldn't date a woman who was in a long term disease free relationship because she didn't use a condom even just once? Other forms of contraception prevent pregnancy just fine if they're used correctly so idk where you're getting the idea that some other dude will really be the father if she didn't use a condom 6 years ago once.

Nobody said they'll be the father, but like 1% (maybe less) of the genetic makeup can come from them. Which is gross. But anyway all that aside, I have issues regarding hygiene etc I'm a very, very clean person and don't even use public bathrooms, so I certainly don't want to stick my thing in some stinky thing oozing with other guys stuff. That's just what I imagine and yeah, puts me off them. I'm aware this is more my issue and less about them but still, I'm entitled to my flaws as is everyone else.

Reply 35

DrawTheLine

Original post by TommyDH

some stinky thing oozing with other guys stuff.

Your attitude towards women is really awful.

Reply 36

TommyDH

Original post by DrawTheLine

Your attitude towards women is really awful.

I was phrasing for comedic effect to make light of a situation I find mentally uncomfortable but okay. I already stated it is a flaw of mine. When you have a fear of public bathrooms, they can be the cleanest bathrooms in the world, but still you get certain images and feelings of the opposite. It's like that. I guess you have to have these issues to understand them.

Reply 37

DrawTheLine

Original post by TommyDH

Your whole view about women in this thread is awful not just that one horrible phrase. I really hope you get help and change your attitude because no woman deserves that.

Reply 38

username3890778

If i wasnt straight or a man, i would "date" a single mother

Reply 39

TommyDH

Original post by DrawTheLine

Your whole view about women in this thread is awful not just that one horrible phrase. I really hope you get help and change your attitude because no woman deserves that.

How so? What view do I have of women that is 'awful'?

I love and respect my girlfriend very much and treat her exceptionally well. Almost everything I do revolves around making her happy and planning for our future, I started investing solely so we'll have financial freedom and she will have a happy life. Where's the 'awful'?

Because I accept my subjective moral standards and values may be incompatible with some women's own subjective moral standards and values that means I think 'awful' things of all women? That's some huge irrational leap in logic.

Besides I've already said. Incompatible values/morals != "better/worse". They're subjective. Just because I believe I'm incompatible with someone doesn't mean I think bad things of them.

I'm incompatible with an orthodox Jew, doesn't mean I hate Jews.