Should I feel bad I’m confused

Hi, so I was seeing this guy for a few months about 6/7 months ago. It was all going well and then it turned really crappy. He got contorllive about things and constantly argued. I would sit waiting for him every single night and he wouldn’t come home ( I started staying with him because he was never home till late so it was the only way I could see him) we never ever went on a single date. I either waited for him at home ( and he would fall asleep ten minutes later and leave me frustrated ) and basically that was it. So it then got worse and I would just get told he’s busy all the time and he shouted at me down the phone every time I asked to see him and literally put the phone down on me 3 or so times a day. I was constantly upset wondering why he was like this when all I wanted was to see him. Not once did we even just go for a meal to to the pictures. So after a lot of arguments and me feeling heart broken as he had gone from saying he wanted a future with me to turning very cold and not caring and me feeling like a total idiot for keeping trying one day I just stopped bothering. I was in bits but I after friends and family constantly telling me to walk away as he’s not interested I finally realised they were right. So anyway - I’m an anxious person who always feels guilty for things. I am extremely trustworthy and if I’m with someone then that’s it - i would never hurt someone and I certainly wouldn’t do this heart crushing act of changing and acting like nothings happened which basically destroys you. So we split up n he never spoke again which confirmed he didn’t give a **** all along. I even went round to collect some stuff and it got me upset because I really cared for him - I let him know and I got nothing. So I thought right stop caring about someone who couldn’t give two craps about you. Over the few months I met a guy friend for tea, and then some guy messaged me for a while, I got Warned off him. Met him for 5 minutes had a very quick peck because he kept asking for one then I never saw him again as I realised he was lying and just wanted you know what. But now me and the original guy are back in touch- am I being stupid feeling guilty for seeing this other person ( for five minutes ) and seeing a guy friend for tea because we are both single and just friends?? I sound ridiculous I know and I did nothing wrong I was single, and most of all he caused the break up when I cared so much for him. I am worried it will happen again yet soft me feels bad as if I’ve done something wrong by meeting a guy one time for a face to face meet then I deleted him and never saw him again. I don’t meet new people very well and I don’t fall for people. I only have had 1 real relationship and it takes a lot for me. This last guy was the second person I really liked, and I guess I just met this person out of boredom and wanting to feel good about myself that someone did actually like me for once. Sorry it’s long

Reply 1

Bio 7

21

You will want to use paragraphs, people don’t want to read a wall of text.

I don’t see why you want back with this guy, he was a crap person and you were better off not being in contact with him.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Bio 7

You will want to use paragraphs, people don’t want to read a wall of text.

I don’t see why you want back with this guy, he was a crap person and you were better off not being in contact with him.

Oops sorry yes it does sound horrendous. Complete massive ramble.!!!! Thank you for reading it though and for your reply.

yes I am thinking people will wonder the same when they find out as I can already bet it could go wrong again. I guess I just cared for him so much before that when he got back in touch I missed him. I find myself a bit prone to being hurt as I trust people to not hurt me but they do and it hits me quite hard. I think I put too much into somebody too soon, so I am trying to not be too in too fast.

I’m not sure why I’m feeling the guilt , possibly because this has been a similar scenario to my ex, where he cuts it off because he can’t deal with the reality of arguments then he would disappear, blame me for the break up then go nuts if I had spoken to other guys for support even though if in the first place he hadn’t kept ditching me we wouldn’t of been in that position.

I’m not going to lie... I feel like this is the same scenario repeating itself and it’s such an unhealthy stressful situation to be in and I don’t get why it keeps happening. :/

Reply 3

Bio 7

21

Original post by Anonymous

Oops sorry yes it does sound horrendous. Complete massive ramble.!!!! Thank you for reading it though and for your reply.

yes I am thinking people will wonder the same when they find out as I can already bet it could go wrong again. I guess I just cared for him so much before that when he got back in touch I missed him. I find myself a bit prone to being hurt as I trust people to not hurt me but they do and it hits me quite hard. I think I put too much into somebody too soon, so I am trying to not be too in too fast.

I’m not sure why I’m feeling the guilt , possibly because this has been a similar scenario to my ex, where he cuts it off because he can’t deal with the reality of arguments then he would disappear, blame me for the break up then go nuts if I had spoken to other guys for support even though if in the first place he hadn’t kept ditching me we wouldn’t of been in that position.

I’m not going to lie... I feel like this is the same scenario repeating itself and it’s such an unhealthy stressful situation to be in and I don’t get why it keeps happening. :/

If you recognise a toxic person better to cut them out. Don’t talk to them or give them an inch, just act like they don’t exist and you will forget and move on.

Reply 4

Student 4545

9

I would ignore both of them, neither of them sound like the are genuinely interested or make an effort with you,

The first guy was a prick and doesn't deserve anymore of your time, the second guy just wanted sex

Care more for yourself instead of these boys and you'll find someone who actually wants to put time in with you

Reply 5

username4158780

7

you need to cut them both off

the first guy was an absolute prat and it sounds completely toxic. he won't change

you deserve better than both of them!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by roarer

you need to cut them both off

the first guy was an absolute prat and it sounds completely toxic. he won't change

you deserve better than both of them!

Aww thank you. The ex I haven’t seen for 2 years but I was using for comparison as it feels like a similar position that I have found myself in again with this new guy. My ex used to disappear every few months on me and caused me to get severe anxiety and depression due to the stress of his vile lifestyle then blaming me but I still loved him and kept going back. After splitting up with this new guy it all seems a bit too familiar again.....

Reply 7

Simbasoul

19

It sounds like you atrract or attracted to the sort of guys who treat you like crap. Either that, or when you ar ein the relationship you give off the vibes that you arre actually insignificant and they then strat treating you like that. You need to try and get some sefl worth/improve your self esteem - go out and do different things and meet new people - you don't sound like you are in the right place for any relationship at the moment.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Simbasoul

It sounds like you atrract or attracted to the sort of guys who treat you like crap. Either that, or when you ar ein the relationship you give off the vibes that you arre actually insignificant and they then strat treating you like that. You need to try and get some sefl worth/improve your self esteem - go out and do different things and meet new people - you don't sound like you are in the right place for any relationship at the moment.

Hmm I actually think your right here. I do think I’m pretty crap in comparison to others in the way I don’t dress up every day I’ll a down to earth honest farm girl. So I just probably put myself down as then it’s not a shock then I get that treatment but if I stopped maybe thinks would improve. Thanks

Should I feel bad I’m confused

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