(Original post by fallen_acorns)
I'm with your girlfriend. I would not be happy if my wife did that.
Its all about the order.
Your talking to your girlfriend about what she wants for her birthday..
You get the idea that she wants a weekend break
You propose it as a present, and say that you'll plan something
Then later you realise about your gig/her friend, and you go to her and say - that great birthday trip I want to give you.. I have found a brilliant way to do it
= happy girlfriend + thoughtful boyfriend who considered her birthday first, and then found a clever way to do it
But the other way around ( the way you seem to describe it)
You have a gig opportunity down south
You realize that its near your girlfriends friend
You think you could take her with you..
Then you propose that this trip is also her birthday present to solve two issues with one idea.
= Unhappy girlfriend + Stingy boyfriend
Because in the first scenario - she was your first thought, and her birthday was your first priority.. you then found a clever way to do it later. You come across as clever and thoughtful.
In the second scenario, the situation initially develops separately without any thought for her and her birthday.. then you add in the friend/hotel part.. which seems to her like a really thoughtful and romantic trip (at this point your golden) - but then after this when you mention about her birthday it feels as if either :
A. you don't want to spend any more money on her, so want to turn this non-birthday trip into a birthday trip to save money
B. you don't want to put any more effort into doing a separate birthday thing, so thought you could be clever and use something you have already planned as a birthday present.
Either way, ends up in a bad image for yourself.
Its a bit like this with a holiday..
if you book a holiday for your partner, and tell them about it..
then later say 'oh yeah, your birthday present is the holiday'
= they get pissed
if you book them a holiday specifically for their birthday, planned as a birthday present
= they love it.
In both circumstances you've done the same thing.. paid for a holiday, and done it as their birthday present.. but one seems thoughtful, and one seems lazy.