Why are Pakistani Mirpuris so racist?! Fml my family are so backwards :( Watch

Shoobidoo
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So we were discussing marriage last night. My brother was like you could marry anyone just make sure he’s a decent nice guy. Then my dad butted in “don’t say that, white guys could be nice guys.. we don’t want that”

My brother agreed that if I find someone that’s not Pakistani then he’d lose respect for me. And mum was like you’d be cut off- even if he was nice and Muslim.

I was shocked. Both my parents were born and raised in a conservative village in Pakistan near Mirpur, so I wasn’t surprised with they old fashioned views. However, my brother was raised and born in England. He said I’m not being racist, it’s just that you have to pass on your genes, values and roots down to your kids. If you marry outside, our future generations will forget they roots and lose in touch with they heritage soon they’ll start intermixing and they’ll be nothing left of our genes etc.

They are so backwards and narrow minnded that it’s depressing sometimes 😞 don’t know why they moved here in the first place.

I really hope that this is rare amongst Pakistani Mirpuris, and it’s only my family??
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squeakysquirrel
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(Original post by Shoobidoo)
So we were discussing marriage last night. My brother was like you could marry anyone just make sure he’s a decent nice guy. Then my dad butted in “don’t say that, white guys could be nice guys.. we don’t want that”

My brother agreed that if I find someone that’s not Pakistani then he’d lose respect for me. And mum was like you’d be cut off- even if he was nice and Muslim.

I was shocked. Both my parents were born and raised in a conservative village in Pakistan near Mirpur, so I wasn’t surprised with they old fashioned views. However, my brother was raised and born in England. He said I’m not being racist, it’s just that you have to pass on your genes, values and roots down to your kids. If you marry outside, our future generations will forget they roots and lose in touch with they heritage soon they’ll start intermixing and they’ll be nothing left of our genes etc.

They are so backwards and narrow minnded that it’s depressing sometimes 😞 don’t know why they moved here in the first place.

I really hope that this is rare amongst Pakistani Mirpuris, and it’s only my family??
No this seems to be very common. I am afraid your family are trying to imitate their village life back home. Attitudes like that mean less integration. Wouldn't be surprised if you are bundled off to Pakistan for an arranged marriage
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Shoobidoo
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(Original post by squeakysquirrel)
No this seems to be very common. I am afraid your family are trying to imitate their village life back home. Attitudes like that mean less integration. Wouldn't be surprised if you are bundled off to Pakistan for an arranged marriage
Yes they are very tribal involved in the caste system (inter family marriages only, even if that means flying halfway around the world).

Well basically, what I realised is that they were trying to persuade me to marry my cousin from Pakistan.

I just don’t understand why they’d move to a westernised country where eventually your kids will want to mix with other races. It’s inevitable.
Last edited by Shoobidoo; 2 months ago
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TommyDH
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It's not racist. It's perfectly natural to want to share your life with someone like you who shares your culture & history and together pass your genes and heritage down. Evolutionary psychology has known for a long time with study after study confirming that people naturally attracted to people 'who look like us'

I only date Anglo women and intend to take an Anglo wife and have 4-6 Anglo children with.

Nothing to do with 'racism' (an irrational hatred and/or feeling of superiority over other races). Your parents wanting to preserve your heritage doesn't necessarily mean they hate other people's heritage. I mean, yours might I don't know i can't speak for them.

I know it doesn't mean that for me.
Attachment 792788
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Shoobidoo
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(Original post by TommyDH)
It's not racist. It's perfectly natural to want to share your life with someone like you who shares your culture & history and together pass your genes and heritage down. Evolutionary psychology has known for a long time with study after study confirming that people naturally attracted to people 'who look like us'

I only date Anglo women and intend to take an Anglo wife and have 4-6 Anglo children with.

Nothing to do with 'racism' (an irrational hatred and/or feeling of superiority over other races). Your parents wanting to preserve your heritage doesn't necessarily mean they hate other people's heritage. I mean, yours might I don't know i can't speak for them.

I know it doesn't mean that for me.
Attachment 792788
Wow interesting. They did say they want to preserve our heritage.

What annoyed me was that I think they’d prefer a Pakistani that treated me like crap over a non-Pakistani that treated me like a princess.
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Mr. Petrol Head
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Unfortunately that's due to the generation gap. Our parents were born and raised in a different culture and it happens to be that majority of pakistanis still mary within their families only, but however the trend is changing with overseas pakistanis. Pakistani parents need to understand that if you were to be born outside pakistan, their kids will deffinitely be accustomed to the way of life and culture in that particular country. It's really hard to marry a person from a different place when you were born in an entirely different culture. Another thing that we pakistanis are really bad in is social integration. With the world becoming more connected, this should be the thing of the past. Hope things can get better in the near future
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Shoobidoo
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(Original post by Mr. Petrol Head)
Unfortunately that's due to the generation gap. Our parents were born and raised in a different culture and it happens to be that majority of pakistanis still mary within their families only, but however the trend is changing with overseas pakistanis. Pakistani parents need to understand that if you were to be born outside pakistan, their kids will deffinitely be accustomed to the way of life and culture in that particular country. It's really hard to marry a person from a different place when you were born in an entirely different culture. Another thing that we pakistanis are really bad in is social integration. With the world becoming more connected, this should be the thing of the past. Hope things can get better in the near future
Are you Mirpuri?

And it’s not like I have my eyes on a white guy or something, I’d still prefer to marry a Pakistani. It’s just the way they said even if the guy treats you well and is a Muslim- if you married him, we’d cut you off, like seriously how backwards is that 😔

I think it’s an ego, control and power thing. My dad can’t wait to brag with the backwards elders within the community that my daughter got a degree etc. but she still listened to me. Looks how much control I have over my kids, look how much they respect me.
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MrMusician95
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The first thing you need to ask yourself is your happiness more important than your family's? I'd assume, yes. Then live your life. As soon as you get a good job, move out. And then they have to decide if they'll accept you for you or not.

But yeah, it is quite common. I get why a generation ago this would happen but not now. My dad's parents were quite backwards like that and weren't happy when they found out their daughter was dating am am Englishman. But that's because they dealt with racist white people at work. My dad had to make them understand that this guy was lovely and not like who they worked with.

But now I don't get this mentality. It's like very religious/cultural parents want their children to live the life they did, or what life they want for their children. It's crazy.
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Asada786
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(Original post by Shoobidoo)
So we were discussing marriage last night. My brother was like you could marry anyone just make sure he’s a decent nice guy. Then my dad butted in “don’t say that, white guys could be nice guys.. we don’t want that”

My brother agreed that if I find someone that’s not Pakistani then he’d lose respect for me. And mum was like you’d be cut off- even if he was nice and Muslim.

I was shocked. Both my parents were born and raised in a conservative village in Pakistan near Mirpur, so I wasn’t surprised with they old fashioned views. However, my brother was raised and born in England. He said I’m not being racist, it’s just that you have to pass on your genes, values and roots down to your kids. If you marry outside, our future generations will forget they roots and lose in touch with they heritage soon they’ll start intermixing and they’ll be nothing left of our genes etc.

They are so backwards and narrow minnded that it’s depressing sometimes 😞 don’t know why they moved here in the first place.

I really hope that this is rare amongst Pakistani Mirpuris, and it’s only my family??
Not all Pakistani Mirpuris are racist. Stop generalizing and giving them a bad name. Its probably just your own backwards family.
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It's****ingWOODY
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(Original post by TommyDH)
It's not racist. It's perfectly natural to want to share your life with someone like you who shares your culture & history and together pass your genes and heritage down. Evolutionary psychology has known for a long time with study after study confirming that people naturally attracted to people 'who look like us'

I only date Anglo women and intend to take an Anglo wife and have 4-6 Anglo children with.

Nothing to do with 'racism' (an irrational hatred and/or feeling of superiority over other races). Your parents wanting to preserve your heritage doesn't necessarily mean they hate other people's heritage. I mean, yours might I don't know i can't speak for them.

I know it doesn't mean that for me.
Attachment 792788
Thing is, if this was 100% the case for everyone then interracial relationships wouldn't exist and we wouldn't be attracted to people of other races. Truth is, though, we are. I say, if you're going to move to a country, yet refuse to consider the idea of becoming romantically involved with a native of that country, that's a lack of willingness to integrate. If their heritage and homeland is so great, why move away from it? Imagine being so patriotic that you wouldn't marry anyone from any other country, all the while not even living in the country you're so patriotic about :rofl:
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Mr. Petrol Head
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(Original post by Shoobidoo)
Are you Mirpuri?

And it’s not like I have my eyes on a white guy or something, I’d still prefer to marry a Pakistani. It’s just the way they said even if the guy treats you well and is a Muslim- if you married him, we’d cut you off, like seriously how backwards is that 😔

I think it’s an ego, control and power thing. My dad can’t wait to brag with the backwards elders within the community that my daughter got a degree etc. but she still listened to me. Looks how much control I have over my kids, look how much they respect me.
Your parents might be among their first generation to go abroad. They have taken the way of life and customs with them too. Trust me, its very hard to change previous generation mindset. As you can see your own brother has entirely different views from your parents, its the generation divide. You are the next generation which is more moderate and inclusive. Hope things will get better, but for now we have to sacrifice for our next generations.
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Shoobidoo
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(Original post by adi.xhm123)
Not all Pakistani Mirpuris are racist. Stop generalizing and giving them a bad name. Its probably just your own backwards family.
Calm down. See the posts above that admit it’s common!!

And the Mirpuri diaspora particularly the older generation give themselves a bad name. It has nothing to do with me.
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Shoobidoo
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(Original post by Mr. Petrol Head)
Your parents might be among their first generation to go abroad. They have taken the way of life and customs with them too. Trust me, its very hard to change previous generation mindset. As you can see your own brother has entirely different views from your parents, its the generation divide. You are the next generation which is more moderate and inclusive. Hope things will get better, but for now we have to sacrifice for our next generations.
Yes they are first generation immigrants so it’s to be expected really. You can take a man out of a country but you can’t take the country out of him.
(Original post by MrMusician95)
The first thing you need to ask yourself is your happiness more important than your family's? I'd assume, yes. Then live your life. As soon as you get a good job, move out. And then they have to decide if they'll accept you for you or not.

But yeah, it is quite common. I get why a generation ago this would happen but not now. My dad's parents were quite backwards like that and weren't happy when they found out their daughter was dating am am Englishman. But that's because they dealt with racist white people at work. My dad had to make them understand that this guy was lovely and not like who they worked with.

But now I don't get this mentality. It's like very religious/cultural parents want their children to live the life they did, or what life they want for their children. It's crazy.
That’s the thing I love my family a lot. If it came down to it and if I was ever in such a position to decide, then I’d chose my family over some guy. Love doesn’t conquer all.

But I know it shouldn’t have to be this way.
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Mr. Petrol Head
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(Original post by Shoobidoo)
Yes they are first generation immigrants so it’s to be expected really. You can take a man out of a country but you can’t take the country out of him.


That’s the thing I love my family a lot. If it came down to it and if I was ever in such a position to decide, then I’d chose my family over some guy. Love doesn’t conquer all.

But I know it shouldn’t have to be this way.
Well there you go, that's how societies change with time, but only time will tell
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Shoobidoo
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(Original post by Mr. Petrol Head)
Well there you go, that's how societies change with time, but only time will tell
But we have to be the generation that sacrifices
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Mr. Petrol Head
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(Original post by Shoobidoo)
But we have to be the generation that sacrifices
Unfortunalety, that's true. I am hopeful insha'Allah that things will get much better for future generations to come. For now, build your career and get enough influence and your family will gradually follow your lead.
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TommyDH
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(Original post by It's****ingWOODY)
Thing is, if this was 100% the case for everyone then interracial relationships wouldn't exist and we wouldn't be attracted to people of other races.
>Generally

Also interracial relationships are still extremely rare (though higher than they were 50 years ago). In the real world anyway, outside of TV and movies.

Truth is, though, we are.
Not according to every expert and professional in the evolutionary psychology field, and certainly not according to data and statistics (only 9% married outside of their ethnicity, and an overwhelming majority of that was white men with hispanic women ~ Paul Taylor et al Pew research 2010). That's in America though.
In Britain it's lower, at only 4%. Government's consensus states:


  • Outside the Mixed/Multiple ethnic groups, White Irish (71%), Other Black (62%) and Gypsy or Irish Travellers (50%) were the most likely to be in an inter-ethnic relationship

  • White British (4%) were least likely to be in inter-ethnic relationships, followed by Bangladeshi (7%), Pakistani (9%) and Indian (12%) ethnic groups
We evolved with a survival insintct to prefer people 'who look like us' (simply for the fact if we didn't we'd have all been bludgeoned to death by rival hominins), even to the extreme that we have a bias towards people who look like our family members. Family I presume is/can be interchangeable with tribe. This doesn't just apply to dating either, it applies to... sitting on a bus. Or standing on the street. Study shows we use this same instinct (subconsciously of course, not deliberately) to choose who we sit near.

I say, if you're going to move to a country, yet refuse to consider the idea of becoming romantically involved with a native of that country, that's a lack of willingness to integrate. If their heritage and homeland is so great, why move away from it?
Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with anyone wanting to preserve their culture and heritage. It's going to be a boring world when everyone and everywhere is exactly the same. One giant blob of boring sameness.

Though I agree, lack of integration does pose a problem. Not sure how that problem can be solved though. Certainly not by forced dilution of their culture & heritage through miscegenation.
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MrMusician95
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(Original post by Shoobidoo)
Yes they are first generation immigrants so it’s to be expected really. You can take a man out of a country but you can’t take the country out of him.


That’s the thing I love my family a lot. If it came down to it and if I was ever in such a position to decide, then I’d chose my family over some guy. Love doesn’t conquer all.

But I know it shouldn’t have to be this way.
And, in my opinion, that's your mistake. Your family is trying to control your life and how you live. They want you to marry someone exactly to their liking. There comes a time when you have to put your foot down and as much as you love your family understand that it's your life. If you meet a great guy and say no because of your family you will regret it forever.
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It's****ingWOODY
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(Original post by TommyDH)
>Generally

Also interracial relationships are still extremely rare (though higher than they were 50 years ago). In the real world anyway, outside of TV and movies.


Not according to every expert and professional in the evolutionary psychology field, and certainly not according to data and statistics (only 9% married outside of their ethnicity, and an overwhelming majority of that was white men with hispanic women ~ Paul Taylor et al Pew research 2010). That's in America though.
In Britain it's lower, at only 4%. Government's consensus states:


We evolved with a survival insintct to prefer people 'who look like us' (simply for the fact if we didn't we'd have all been bludgeoned to death by rival hominins), even to the extreme that we have a bias towards people who look like our family members. Family I presume is/can be interchangeable with tribe. This doesn't just apply to dating either, it applies to... sitting on a bus. Or standing on the street. Study shows we use this same instinct (subconsciously of course, not deliberately) to choose who we sit near.


Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with anyone wanting to preserve their culture and heritage. It's going to be a boring world when everyone and everywhere is exactly the same. One giant blob of boring sameness.

Though I agree, lack of integration does pose a problem. Not sure how that problem can be solved though. Certainly not by forced dilution of their culture & heritage through miscegenation.
It's a preference, though. Most men would show a preference for a young, hot chick with a great body, but obviously a very large number of men are marrying women who don't quite match this description. Especially with it becoming increasingly more acceptable to date outside your race in western culture, these preferences will continue to be stamped out.

Those figures aren't negligible in this context, though. You have to consider that countries like the US and the UK are predominantly white. The white-British population in the UK still stands at over 80%, and some 51.7million. So with a figure of 4% of those white British in interracial marriages, that's 2million white people in the UK who are married to someone outside their race. That's no small figure.
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waxdoll19
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(Original post by Shoobidoo)
So we were discussing marriage last night. My brother was like you could marry anyone just make sure he’s a decent nice guy. Then my dad butted in “don’t say that, white guys could be nice guys.. we don’t want that”

My brother agreed that if I find someone that’s not Pakistani then he’d lose respect for me. And mum was like you’d be cut off- even if he was nice and Muslim.

I was shocked. Both my parents were born and raised in a conservative village in Pakistan near Mirpur, so I wasn’t surprised with they old fashioned views. However, my brother was raised and born in England. He said I’m not being racist, it’s just that you have to pass on your genes, values and roots down to your kids. If you marry outside, our future generations will forget they roots and lose in touch with they heritage soon they’ll start intermixing and they’ll be nothing left of our genes etc.

They are so backwards and narrow minnded that it’s depressing sometimes 😞 don’t know why they moved here in the first place.

I really hope that this is rare amongst Pakistani Mirpuris, and it’s only my family??
Erm how are your family backwards for thinking like that? Do you seriously think white people don't think the same? How many white boys do you see with Pakistani/Muslim wives? Or vice-versa? Have you been to a wedding between a Pakistani/Muslim person and a non-Muslim? Thought not.

And why do you think that Princess Diana died a mysterious death, unexplained until this day, at a time when she was preparing to marry a Muslim?

Calling your family backwards for adopting a natural mindset is actually very narrow-minded on your part
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