Muslim and telling parents I want to marry boyfriend

I think there are far too many practicing people on here that are basically telling her to end the relationship. She hasn't come here for that advice. If you don't condone dating, then please leave your opinion to yourself and don't comment. Her intentions are to get married to the guy, not to end the relationship.

Reply 61

QE2

20

Original post by Rainfall

idc if guys are horny all the time, no excuse to tell a muslim girl to go against her lord. no offence. then follow ur religon and stop encouraging ppl to sin.

Kinda hypocritical to tell people to not offer advice when you've been offering advice, dontcha think?

Reply 62

QE2

20

Original post by Anonymous

The best advice you can get is from Allah.

Does that include the advice to beat a disobedient wife*, to have up to four wives, to always fulfil your husband's sexual needs or be cursed by angels, that a wife is "like a field to be ploughed how and when the husband likes", that you can marry your first cousin...

Not sure if Allah is the best person to take marriage advice from.

*only under appropriate Islamic conditions, of course

Reply 63

QE2

20

Original post by Anonymous

You're only 18, marrying a 23-year-old will only trap you. Don't waste your youth.

Was 6 year old Aisha trapped by marrying 53 year old Muhammad?
Was her youth wasted?

Reply 64

Anonymous #4

Original post by QE2

Does that include the advice to beat a disobedient wife*, to have up to four wives, to always fulfil your husband's sexual needs or be cursed by angels, that a wife is "like a field to be ploughed how and when the husband likes", that you can marry your first cousin...

Not sure if Allah is the best person to take marriage advice from.

*only under appropriate Islamic conditions, of course

Babes, where do you get these information from? Coz most of what you're saying it's nonsensical

Reply 65

QE2

20

Original post by Anonymous

Babes, where do you get these information from? Coz most of what you're saying it's nonsensical

From the Quran and sunnah my friend. Are you familiar with them? Do you want the specific verse and hadith numbers?

Reply 66

Anonymous #4

Original post by QE2

From the Quran and sunnah my friend. Are you familiar with them? Do you want the specific verse and hadith numbers?

Yes please :smile:

Reply 67

ZombieTheWolf

22

Original post by rasputshealthbar

Oh my god you’re freshly 18 and trying to cuff a 23 year old. That’s sus.

And sure, it’s your life. I don’t, for the life of me, understand why, even though you’re living in a country with countless opportunities for HE and other pursuits/work for women, you choose to throw it all away for marriage at an age where your brain hasn’t even fully developed. Maybe your parents might be able to set you straight or maybe they’re the type who want you off their backs and pushing out children by 20. Honestly don’t know, but wishing you the best.

Let people be happy

Reply 68

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Not true - istikharah doesn't even come into it because the first rule is that you have to have the niyyah (intention) and it has to be geniune - and here it can't be - see my post above. :smile:

Thank you for the clarification.

Reply 69

Anonymous #1

Original post by QE2

Does that include the advice to beat a disobedient wife*, to have up to four wives, to always fulfil your husband's sexual needs or be cursed by angels, that a wife is "like a field to be ploughed how and when the husband likes", that you can marry your first cousin...

Not sure if Allah is the best person to take marriage advice from.

*only under appropriate Islamic conditions, of course

Welcome to the chat. I didn't think there was a debate for you to join inthough XD. For a Muslim, the best advice you can get is always from God. From your previous threads I know you do your research, however, you are ignoring the context of the evidence you are using. Since you are here why not give advice to the person that created this thread. It can't be fair for you to start a religious debate without helping out solve the problem

Reply 70

QE2

20

Original post by Anonymous

Since you are here why not give advice to the person that created this thread. It can't be fair for you to start a religious debate without helping out solve the problem

She should follow her heart, but also take into consideration the impact of her decisions on others as well as her own life. The pronouncements of iron age, Middle Eastern mythology is irrelevant.

Reply 71

QE2

20

Original post by Anonymous

Yes please :smile:

Beat a disobedient wife - Quran 4:34

Have up to 4 wives - Quran 4:3

Cursed by angels for not having sex with husband - Bukhari 59:48

Wives are like a field - Quran 2:223

Marry first cousin - Quran 4:23

Reply 72

Zamestaneh

21

Original post by Rina31

Yeah, he's Muslim. He's wanted to do stuff but has respected that I don't agree with it just yet and he's waiting on me for marriage I wouldn't say he's a bad influence

Respecting your choice without wanting that choice himself implies he is a bad influence i.e. the only thing which stops him doing things with you is not his own Taqwa, rather it is his fear of losing you (by not respecting your choice).

The question you would need to ask him is if he didn't marry you and a girl came along who he liked and she liked him, and she was comfortable doing things, would he do it (and make him say Wallah it is the truth). If he says yes, then there is an issue in his heart which would imply he is a bad choice for you religiously, and if he says no, then he has some Taqwa, and the times he suggested doing things with you was just him being caught in the moment/caught in his feelings. You need to think rationally and without bias - emotionally remove yourself from your judgement - and decide if in spite of your feelings if he really is good for you religiously.

---

Should you pursue the marriage:
In terms of speaking to parents, start with your mum then your dad - mums are softer. Generally speaking, there never is and never will be an easy way to go about these kinds of things which isn't awkward, so in the end we just have to pluck up the courage to speak about it and be prepared to face the music. People only ever feel stuck because they are too scared to do what they need to do; what seperates successful people who get what they want with those with those who are unncessful and don't get what they want is that the successful one's take that leap in spite of the unknown, other people's reactions, the possible consequences etc whilst still having as much fear as those who are unsucceful.

Reply 73

Nasma Fathmath

3

just tell them.. don't be afraid.... you can do this..

Reply 74

Anonymous #4

Original post by QE2

Beat a disobedient wife - Quran 4:34

Have up to 4 wives - Quran 4:3

Cursed by angels for not having sex with husband - Bukhari 59:48

Wives are like a field - Quran 2:223

Marry first cousin - Quran 4:23

But the reason these exist aren’t the reason why you think they exist. You just make it sounds bad

Reply 75

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

But the reason these exist aren’t the reason why you think they exist. You just make it sounds bad

In what way can this ever sound or look good ? Anyone who thinks what she is doing is a “sin” is wrong and needs to look at the date , she should do what she wants and be with who she loves.

Reply 76

QE2

20

Original post by Anonymous

But the reason these exist aren’t the reason why you think they exist. You just make it sounds bad

So what are the reasons these rules exist, and why are they acceptable?

Reply 77

Tootles

21

Original post by Rina31

Why do you say that ? I haven't done anything like sexual with him. And he's a good guy. I was hoping to make it seem more casual than rather say we are actually in a relationship