I suffer from anxiety, OCD and intrusive thoughts. Recently I have been remembering some past memories of when I was a child. I have no idea what age I was, but I remember playing with my cat and then she scratched me or bit me, and then I threw her against the wall. I can't remember if it was high or low, but I remember that I did something like this. This cat suffered from anxiety and I am so concerned that I may have been the cause of the anxiety. I am ashamed of what I have done and how treated the cat in this situation. I loved my cats and feel so guilty about this. She passed away a few years ago, and I was with her at the end and comforted her.
I know some people may find what happened to be disgusting, and I completely agree, but I can't change what I did, but I need to speak to someone and ask for advice on how to overcome this guilt. I have never hurt my dogs (which my family and I have) and never hurt cats after this. I am just so ashamed of what I did. I love animals, but am ashamed of my child/adolescent self.