My boyfriend wants a threesome, but I don’t. Help!

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anonanon6565
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So my boyfriend and I have been together just short of a year (our anniversary is in a few weeks) and a few months ago he brought up the idea of having a threesome - to which I was extremely upset and took very personally as I see it as him suggesting myself alone is not good enough etc. I was clearly extremely upset and told him it’s never happening and the matter was dropped...Until yesterday.
We had an argument and after making up he asked me what things I’d like to include or do more of in our relationship. When I wasn’t sure what kind of thing he meant he told me that he wanted a threesome and that was him “just being honest”. This genuinely devastated me as I’m not the most confident of girls as it is, and a lot of our arguments are down to trust issues, making the jealousy that would come after a threesome I think detrimental to our relationship. He kind of made out like I don’t really have a choice, saying “let’s just get it over and done with,” “I just want one then I’m done” and “you can’t know you won’t like it until you try it”. When I told him that the thought of it actually breaks my heart he kind of brushed it off and said that he was just telling the truth and its not a big deal how he sees it.
Idk if I’m being dramatic and it’s not really a big deal, but to me sex is a really personal thing, and the thought of another girl being naked next to me looking a million times better makes me cry. I have extremely low confidence as it is, and found it hard enough getting naked in front of HIM, let alone watch while he has sex with another girl. Idk what answers I’m really looking for just general advice and how to play it. I’m terrified if I do it and I don’t want to it’ll ruin our relationship, but then if I don’t I’m worried he might leave me (he said that’s not the case but a threesome is something he’s been wanting for months now and I feel like he might leave if it doesn’t happen) It’s made me feel like I’m **** in bed and that I’m not good enough. Am I overreacting? What should I do?
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Anonymous #1
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Say you'll have a theeesome as long as it's with another boy
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username47781
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(Original post by anonanon6565)
So my boyfriend and I have been together just short of a year (our anniversary is in a few weeks) and a few months ago he brought up the idea of having a threesome - to which I was extremely upset and took very personally as I see it as him suggesting myself alone is not good enough etc. I was clearly extremely upset and told him it’s never happening and the matter was dropped...Until yesterday.
We had an argument and after making up he asked me what things I’d like to include or do more of in our relationship. When I wasn’t sure what kind of thing he meant he told me that he wanted a threesome and that was him “just being honest”. This genuinely devastated me as I’m not the most confident of girls as it is, and a lot of our arguments are down to trust issues, making the jealousy that would come after a threesome I think detrimental to our relationship. He kind of made out like I don’t really have a choice, saying “let’s just get it over and done with,” “I just want one then I’m done” and “you can’t know you won’t like it until you try it”. When I told him that the thought of it actually breaks my heart he kind of brushed it off and said that he was just telling the truth and its not a big deal how he sees it.
Idk if I’m being dramatic and it’s not really a big deal, but to me sex is a really personal thing, and the thought of another girl being naked next to me looking a million times better makes me cry. I have extremely low confidence as it is, and found it hard enough getting naked in front of HIM, let alone watch while he has sex with another girl. Idk what answers I’m really looking for just general advice and how to play it. I’m terrified if I do it and I don’t want to it’ll ruin our relationship, but then if I don’t I’m worried he might leave me (he said that’s not the case but a threesome is something he’s been wanting for months now and I feel like he might leave if it doesn’t happen) It’s made me feel like I’m **** in bed and that I’m not good enough. Am I overreacting? What should I do?
You are not overreacting, don't give him to him. Tell him no and if he don't like it then he is not worth it, I would dump him.
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Violet Femme
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You aren't being dramatic. For the integrity of the relationship, your response after he first brought up a threesome should have convinced him to drop the topic for good. So either he has the emotional intelligence of a peanut, is deliberately playing emotional games or his commitment to your relationship is limited.

Threesomes have a habit of changing or ending relationships, so, given your own reluctance, don't give in to him. I think you need to sit down with him and make it clear you have no interest in a threesome and you don't want him to get over the idea. If he protests, I think you need to get to the bottom of what his motives are.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by anonanon6565)
So my boyfriend and I have been together just short of a year (our anniversary is in a few weeks) and a few months ago he brought up the idea of having a threesome - to which I was extremely upset and took very personally as I see it as him suggesting myself alone is not good enough etc. I was clearly extremely upset and told him it’s never happening and the matter was dropped...Until yesterday.
We had an argument and after making up he asked me what things I’d like to include or do more of in our relationship. When I wasn’t sure what kind of thing he meant he told me that he wanted a threesome and that was him “just being honest”. This genuinely devastated me as I’m not the most confident of girls as it is, and a lot of our arguments are down to trust issues, making the jealousy that would come after a threesome I think detrimental to our relationship. He kind of made out like I don’t really have a choice, saying “let’s just get it over and done with,” “I just want one then I’m done” and “you can’t know you won’t like it until you try it”. When I told him that the thought of it actually breaks my heart he kind of brushed it off and said that he was just telling the truth and its not a big deal how he sees it.
Idk if I’m being dramatic and it’s not really a big deal, but to me sex is a really personal thing, and the thought of another girl being naked next to me looking a million times better makes me cry. I have extremely low confidence as it is, and found it hard enough getting naked in front of HIM, let alone watch while he has sex with another girl. Idk what answers I’m really looking for just general advice and how to play it. I’m terrified if I do it and I don’t want to it’ll ruin our relationship, but then if I don’t I’m worried he might leave me (he said that’s not the case but a threesome is something he’s been wanting for months now and I feel like he might leave if it doesn’t happen) It’s made me feel like I’m **** in bed and that I’m not good enough. Am I overreacting? What should I do?
You aren't being dramatic at all. Just keep being honest with how you feel but remain firm. Don't be pressured into it because it won't end well. He should respect how you feel.
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Anonymous #2
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Hey, my boyfriend of 3 years used to do things just like this; he was very pushy. I completely get exactly where you’re coming from and if your boyfriend really cares more about having a threesome than how you feel then it sounds like he might be toxic. I know that’s hard to hear because I used to ignore all of the signs and everything everyone told me about how toxic my relationship was but hindsight is a great thing. This exact situation (among other things) actually came up a few times throughout the duration of our relationship and it made me feel exactly how you’re describing. To cut to the chase, I did end up having a threesome - a few times with different people actually - because he would also threaten to break up with me or tell me that I obviously don’t love him if I’m not willing to do this to make him happy. So, in my opinion (which may be completely invalid and I won’t be offended if you disagree) you’re definitely, 100% not overreacting, and if you don’t feel comfortable doing something sexually then PLEASE DONT DO IT, because honestly (and I’m sorry if I sound over dramatic here but these are my honest feelings) that **** is scarring. I’m in Year 13 now and all of this went down Y9-Y10 and and it poses very real complications in my life now even though it happened 3/4 years ago. Also, feel free to dm me and we can talk a little more if you want 💛 x
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anonanon6565
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I did that. He said “fine as long as we get one with a girl” I know for a fact he wouldn’t want to have one with a boy but he’s adamant on having one with a girl and it’s literally feeling like I don’t even have a choice
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by anonanon6565)
I did that. He said “fine as long as we get one with a girl” I know for a fact he wouldn’t want to have one with a boy but he’s adamant on having one with a girl and it’s literally feeling like I don’t even have a choice
Now I think you should break up with him. He doesn't respect you or care about how he is making you feel. You deserve to be with someone who won't ever make you feel like this. In other words, he's a tool and you'd be better off without him.
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(Original post by anonanon6565)
I did that. He said “fine as long as we get one with a girl” I know for a fact he wouldn’t want to have one with a boy but he’s adamant on having one with a girl and it’s literally feeling like I don’t even have a choice
If you don't want to, then you shouldn't make him pressure you into having one. It's also really, really hypocritical of him to be open about doing a threesome with another girl and not a guy. He sounds very self-centred.

I realise you've been with him for a while but maybe this will give you some perspective over your relationship. You need to have more respect for yourself - you're worth it.
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YonkoAkagami
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Say then we have the one with the boy first

and tbh i dont think your boyfriend will stay for long, he doesn't really seem committed to you to suggest that and pressure you despite it being against your will
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lavender_rose
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(Original post by anonanon6565)
So my boyfriend and I have been together just short of a year (our anniversary is in a few weeks) and a few months ago he brought up the idea of having a threesome - to which I was extremely upset and took very personally as I see it as him suggesting myself alone is not good enough etc. I was clearly extremely upset and told him it’s never happening and the matter was dropped...Until yesterday.
We had an argument and after making up he asked me what things I’d like to include or do more of in our relationship. When I wasn’t sure what kind of thing he meant he told me that he wanted a threesome and that was him “just being honest”. This genuinely devastated me as I’m not the most confident of girls as it is, and a lot of our arguments are down to trust issues, making the jealousy that would come after a threesome I think detrimental to our relationship. He kind of made out like I don’t really have a choice, saying “let’s just get it over and done with,” “I just want one then I’m done” and “you can’t know you won’t like it until you try it”. When I told him that the thought of it actually breaks my heart he kind of brushed it off and said that he was just telling the truth and its not a big deal how he sees it.
Idk if I’m being dramatic and it’s not really a big deal, but to me sex is a really personal thing, and the thought of another girl being naked next to me looking a million times better makes me cry. I have extremely low confidence as it is, and found it hard enough getting naked in front of HIM, let alone watch while he has sex with another girl. Idk what answers I’m really looking for just general advice and how to play it. I’m terrified if I do it and I don’t want to it’ll ruin our relationship, but then if I don’t I’m worried he might leave me (he said that’s not the case but a threesome is something he’s been wanting for months now and I feel like he might leave if it doesn’t happen) It’s made me feel like I’m **** in bed and that I’m not good enough. Am I overreacting? What should I do?
I feel I am going to be relaying the information back to you moreso than giving you any new answers. But from what I can see the decision is made, you don't want to do it so that's it there will be no negotiation on the matter. And you will just have to make it clear to him that if he wants to persue it, it will be one without you it in and that would probably = end of relationship really. But you cannot guilt trip or force somebody to do something that they are clearly not comfortable with and honestly I think that if you went through with it you would regret if for the foreseeable and you will never be able to forget.
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TollyG
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He cannot force you to do anything you don't want to do. And if he does try to force/pressure you after you have made it clear to him that you don't want to have a threesome then, honestly, I think think you're better off without him. If he won't respect you in your decision now, then it is very likely that he won't respect you in future decisions either. You don't need that kind of negativity/poison in your life.
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Anonymous #2
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Similar things used to happen to me in my long term relationship and all I can say to you is DONT DO ANYTHING SEXUAL YOU ARENT COMFORTABLE WITH!! I’m in Year 13 now and things that I did with my boyfriend (and others) in Year 9/10 have honestly scarred me and made interactions with men (including teachers and within my family) very very difficult. I know it’s hard to hear (trust me!!!) but it sounds like he’s toxic and you need to split. I know that can be a very difficult thing to do though so... idk... but if you want to have a more personal chat feel free to dm me x
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M2000dd
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Similar things used to happen to me in my long term relationship and all I can say to you is DONT DO ANYTHING SEXUAL YOU ARENT COMFORTABLE WITH!! I’m in Year 13 now and things that I did with my boyfriend (and others) in Year 9/10 have honestly scarred me and made interactions with men (including teachers and within my family) very very difficult. I know it’s hard to hear (trust me!!!) but it sounds like he’s toxic and you need to split. I know that can be a very difficult thing to do though so... idk... but if you want to have a more personal chat feel free to dm me x
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Danny R
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I think this is pretty normal stage for guys.

He is indicating to you, very bluntly, that he wants to spice things up a little. That is all.

Considering you are a year into the relationship, this is very typical. As routines and habits start to form, and the excitement fades away. He is clearly more sexual experienced than you, and wants to be adventurous with you.

He gave you an opportunity to open up about new thigns to do in a relationship, this is another point that proves he is getting bored, and wants to spice thigns up.

Usually at this point in a relationship somethign changes. Obviously. Otherwise they dont last. If one persons interest is waning, he will go somewhere else for his needs. That is how it works, sorry ladies. If you want the relationship to continue, then be open with what you would be comfortable with sexually.

Do some research, experiment with role-playing and maybe some toys. That will excite him, and you guys can go on and have some fun for a bit. Relationship saved.
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Kathfunbum
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It’s a real tough one, my partner told me it was his fantasy to have two girls on top of each other and to keep swapping in and out of both of us. At first I was taken back, like you it knocked my confidence for a few months I lay in bed wondering why I wasn’t good enough. I’ve never been able to give BJ’s either which I know he loves, and was scared that the other party would and that would be me gone. Then a new girl started at work, she was very much a tight top short hair lesbian, we got friendly and went on a few work nights out etc. she split with her partner of 7yrs and I gave her a hug at work one day, it felt great it was then my mind was going over drive, she could be the answer. I spoke to my other half and showed him some pictures, we agreed we would invite her round for drinks and see if we could pluck up the courage to mention it to her. The night before I was in such a state of anticipation, me and my partner were at it most of the night, it was like the night we first had sex. The evening soon came, she cane round we had a meal and then sat on the sofas, my partner in the adjacent armchair. We had literally been sat down 20sec and me and my partner were looking at each other hoping the other would start the conversation, nothing. After a very long ten seconds she just blerted out “I take it one or both of you want to **** me?” We were like kids in a sweet shop clothes flung to the floor, then my biggest nightmare she started giving my partner a blowjob, I lay next to him and started to kiss him, but inside I was dying, then seconds later she grabbed my pony tail and started kissing me, then firmly placing my head above his penis I relented and put it in my mouth, she then proceeded to give me oral sex, by the end of the night we had done everything you could possibly imagine and more, it totally cured all my inhibitions and she now pops round at least once a month it’s amazing and totally changed our lives, we have rules my partner has never *** in her and nothing happens with her unless we are both present, although my boyfriend says he doesn’t mind if he’s away as long as we send him pics 🤣 🤣 so for me it worked but reading others experiences I know it can go horribly wrong too.., but don’t do anything unless your happy and don’t be afraid to stop it.
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jamyang666
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Well life isnt porn world were people Pretend hard for money, in relationships sometimes its just desire n just sex, but its making love. Not jist fxxxxxx. People's fantasy can be bitter, happy he waa honest abt it... But if u hear ring from distant future... Ur guts ll say it.
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